Meeting someone you like is a joyful thing. But can this joy last? No one can answer that. How can we prevent the relationship from being worn down by time and distance, and instead let time act as a catalyst, making our feelings grow richer and more fragrant like fine wine? What is the key to happiness? We are constantly searching for it. Let psychologists tell us what four killers exist in relationships.
1. Criticism that focuses on the person rather than the issue.
Every couple has things they're unhappy about with each other, which is normal. Often, because we're the closest people to each other, we can see directly where they could improve. However, criticism and complaints are different. Criticism attacks the person, not just their behavior.
Endless criticism in a relationship prevents the angry party from properly venting their emotions, as they have already decided that this person is who they are. The other party, constantly being belittled, loses confidence in the relationship and gradually loses the motivation to continue the relationship.
2. Disdain for the other party
Rolling your eyes, snorting, mocking, and maliciously offensive humor—this contemptuous disdain is one of the most terrifying potential killers. Such mockery isn't harmless; it conveys a message of disgust. Once your partner senses this dislike in your body language, the relationship becomes difficult to sustain. No one enjoys being around someone who dislikes them, and no one likes constantly offering unsolicited attention.
A momentary jest may be amusing, but long-term, accumulated contemptuous jests will gradually throw the relationship out of balance.
3. Aggressive self-defense
Everyone has a sense of self-defense; after all, it's never easy to let another person completely enter our hearts.
However, when self-defense turns into shirking responsibility and attacking the other person, it's not a pleasant thing. Such self-defense often makes arguments more endless and conflicts spiral out of control. And when conflicts are always going on, the tension between couples will continue to rise.
Imagine if your partner told you that it was all your fault! What would you think? When a relationship becomes about shifting blame and aggressive self-defense, it drives the two people further and further apart.
4. Building a mental wall to prevent the other party from participating.
By refusing to speak, giving the silent treatment, and continuing to refuse to discuss your feelings with the other person even after the incident, you've built a stone wall around yourself, trapping yourself in a place where your partner can no longer find you.
While building walls in one's mind may prevent the immediate situation of conflict from escalating, it can cause profound damage to the relationship afterward. Continuously building walls can also cause the person building them to become increasingly detached from the relationship, until one day they find that they can no longer step out of the stone wall.
