Before dating her ex-boyfriend Xiaoqiang, Shanshan had a chance to date a younger man, but she turned it down because she was afraid of gossip. After her relationship with Xiaoqiang failed, Shanshan looked back and found that the younger man was still there, which triggered her maternal instincts.
The two rekindled their old feelings. After Shanshan and Xiaoqiang broke up completely, the younger man took great care of her. In the end, Shanshan softened her heart and agreed to move in with him.
Logically speaking, they chose to be in a relationship freely, and their feelings had been buried deep for many years, so there shouldn't have been any problems. But the one thing they didn't consider was their shared personality weakness.
Shanshan is a person who is gentle on the outside but strong on the inside, but she is also very concerned about her image. Because of this, Shanshan was unable to accept the reality of a relationship between an older woman and a younger man, fearing that others would gossip.
In this situation, Shanshan actually needs to find a man who is not so assertive in his career but is mentally strong to complement her.
But the truth is quite the opposite. Her boyfriend, who is older than her, is a very typical younger man. He is not psychologically strong enough. Although he has feelings for Shanshan, he also has reservations about relationships with younger men.
At first, their relationship progressed smoothly. The two were inseparable in their shared apartment and even had a dog.
However, the two do not often go out to see friends, and they do not integrate into each other's social circles.
To put it bluntly, it's just that little bit of self-esteem and inferiority complex in my heart that's causing this.
Women fear being labeled as having a relationship with a younger man, while men fear being called gigolos who live off women. In reality, both are true.
Both of them are unwilling to admit the truth or face it, and hope to escape into a small space.
Both of them became homebodies, spending all their time at home except for work, and even when they did socialize, they did their own thing.
For Shanshan, although life was somewhat abnormal, she could still get by. But for her boyfriend, there was a noticeable change in his mindset.
As mentioned before, a man's love is a combination of sexual desire, a desire to conquer, and a desire to protect. In this case, Shanshan is the one who is materially strong, while the man is unable to be strong emotionally.
So in reality, it was Shanshan who possessed the man, not the other way around—at least that's what the man believed.
And what choice did he make? He almost inevitably cheated, because after being possessed for so long, this man also wanted to possess a woman.
Such examples are very common; mistresses who are kept for a long time often start their own gigolos.
The kept man will keep a mistress because he feels possessed and conquered, and over time he will want to conquer others himself. This psychological backlash is very obvious in Shan Shan's boyfriend.
After discovering her boyfriend's infidelity, Shan Shan was devastated and ultimately broke up with him. But she never understood that the real problem wasn't that all men are prone to cheating, but rather their shared inferiority complex and weak character. It was as if two people were sinking to the bottom of the water, and no one could save them; in the end, they could only drown together.
This is a classic example of a breakup caused by similar personalities, which may sound unbelievable. Isn't having similar personalities a good thing? Why would there be conflict? The truth is, everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and in life, we all have aspects we're good at and aspects we're not. Two people with completely identical personalities have the same strengths and weaknesses.
In other words, once they become a couple, they excel at things they are good at, to the point of being incredibly effective. However, they encounter even more problems in things they are not good at, such as being too proud to admit their flaws or facing reality.
The good can be extremely good, and the bad can be extremely bad. But remember, life isn't about how high you can go, but about what average level you can consistently maintain. Quality of life isn't measured by your peak moments, but by your daily eating, drinking, and basic needs. Even if you were king of the world for a second, if you spend the majority of your time scavenging for trash, then you're a homeless person.
Shanshan and her boyfriend are like this. They have very, very happy moments, but their shared personality weaknesses are enough to cause disaster. Personality determines marriage, but it's not necessarily good if personalities are compatible.
In the formula for choosing a good man, lifestyle habits take precedence over personality. In other words, you should first choose someone with similar lifestyle habits, and then consider personality factors. In short, remember this: compatible lifestyles and complementary personalities.
