How do you feel when your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend is mentioned? Whether you mention it casually or give a heavy sigh, there's an underlying emotion: unpleasantness. Upon closer examination, why this unpleasantness? It's the fear that she might have stolen your boyfriend's or husband's heart. In other words, the fear that the ex-girlfriend will steal your man away.
Very few people marry their first love; the vast majority inevitably face the reality of their partner's ex-girlfriend. While rationally they know that the current relationship only comes into being because of an ex, indicating the end of the previous relationship, a woman's sensitivity and insecurity are unmistakably revealed when faced with the words "ex-girlfriend."
Typically, hearing the word "ex-girlfriend" makes a woman uneasy. If the word comes from the man she's currently with, this unease might escalate into anger. If the man dismisses it, the woman will start imagining all sorts of scenarios, feeling it's the prelude to betrayal.
Is such intense emotion necessary? Probably 90% of women would think it absolutely is. They'd even find countless reasons to justify it. STOP! Before we continue with our speculations and justifications, let's analyze this.
First, we must acknowledge that there is indeed a type of man who is very affectionate. This affection refers to his tenderness and chivalry towards women. In front of unfamiliar women, he may be a gentle and gentlemanly man. In front of women he knows and has feelings for, he is considerate and understanding.
Perhaps he still has feelings for his ex-girlfriend, or perhaps he was just treating her normally but she misunderstood it as a plea for reconciliation. Either way, it infringes on the rights of his current girlfriend. As her, you certainly have the right to fight back and protect your relationship.
However, we don't recommend expressing this kind of retaliation with intense emotions. If you encounter such a fickle man and want to continue having him, the best approach is to separate the two of them. Act like you're his ex-girlfriend's best friend, readily offering to help her with anything she needs. This way, the man has no room to maneuver, and naturally, the two of them will have no opportunity to interact. Constantly arguing and fighting with the man will only push him further away.
Such sentimental men are generally in the minority. Most men have very mixed feelings about their ex-girlfriends. They're not even really friends anymore. If the ex-girlfriend is genuinely in trouble, they might help within their means. But if she's causing problems for their current life, they won't be so decisive.
So, once you understand this aspect of men's psychology, you, as his current girlfriend, don't need to panic. When a man tells you about his encounter with his ex-girlfriend, it might actually be a form of reporting or informing you. He's telling you, "I've been in contact with my ex, but don't misunderstand, honey." If you ignore his intended meaning and interpret it as a sign of betrayal and dissatisfaction, how will a man react? Any normal person would get inexplicably angry if misunderstood.
"He/She only thought of me because he/she broke up with their ex and was single!" It's common for people to say this bitterly after finding love, which is truly disheartening. Unnecessary hatred and rivalry will quickly kill a relationship. Meaningless arguments and tears will completely destroy the foundation of your relationship. Do you want this outcome?
Love has many beginnings. Aside from first love, most people have to face the fact that their partner has an ex. When your dream lover breaks up with their ex and comes back to you, your dream is becoming a reality. The normal and effective strategy is to start nurturing the relationship and make them feel that their current life is more comfortable and suitable for them.
Only when you realize this will you stop harboring resentment, as if it were a sin for his first love not to come back to you, and stop blaming him for not forgetting his ex. People have feelings and memories; of course, the people they've loved will leave traces in their minds. If you fear his ex, then you'll fear any attitude he has towards her. If he's cold and heartless towards his ex, you'll think, "He'll treat me the same way!" If he still has feelings for his ex, you'll think, "He'll go back to her sooner or later!"
Women who suffer from ex-relationship phobia are often severely lacking in self-confidence. Someone falls in love with you because you are worthy of love. Even if you feel your own qualities are average, if someone happens to have a special connection with you, you should thank God and enjoy it. Lacking self-confidence means you constantly need to be pampered, like an addict, requiring ever-increasing doses of flattery; you can't be yourself, always trying to please him, playing an idealized version of yourself. This kind of relationship is exhausting. When both parties are physically and mentally exhausted, where will the energy to maintain the relationship? How can you continue being together? It's inevitable that it won't last.
The past can't be relived. The relationship you ruined with your fear of your ex is unlikely to be recovered. You've gained something, though: you loved someone you loved, you know certain ways of dating cause pain, and you can avoid them in the future. So, move on with your life. With time, he'll fade from your memory. There's no need to deliberately forget; it's normal to have someone you loved in your memory.
Still hung up on your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend? There's no need. You can dress up nicely, hold hands with your boyfriend, and go see her like you're meeting a regular friend—nothing special. If you don't care about her, she won't bother you. The most important thing is to hold onto the man in your life, not to focus on insignificant people and things around you.
