1. Primacy effect
The primacy effect, also known as the first impression effect, is the strong impression people form when they first encounter something or someone. First impressions are the most powerful and last the longest, having a greater impact on the overall impression than information received later. The impression formed during the first interaction between people forms and dominates the other person's mind.
In the course of a relationship, the first meeting between two people, whether it's a blind date or a chance encounter, is crucial to the whole thing. The first impression determines whether there will be a next time or a future together.
The implications of the primacy effect for love:
For the aggressor – pay attention to your attire, speech, and behavior. Before the first meeting, please prepare by researching the other party's preferences.
For the defensive side—think rationally, don't focus too much on appearances, and downplay momentary feelings.
2. Recency effect
The recency effect, the opposite of the primacy effect, refers to the phenomenon that when multiple stimuli appear in sequence, the formation of an impression depends mainly on the stimuli that appear later. In other words, in the process of interaction, our most recent and up-to-date knowledge of others takes precedence, overshadowing our previous evaluations of them. Therefore, it is also known as the "novelty effect".
In interpersonal interactions, the impression formed in the mind from a person's most recent behavior is the most profound. In romantic relationships, the feelings generated from recent interactions directly influence a person's judgment of love.
The implications of the recency effect for love:
For the aggressor—after relentlessly pursuing, stop abruptly, give the other person some time to reflect on your strengths and make her fully aware of the significance of your existence;
For the defending side—take a holistic view, think calmly, and don't be moved by the opponent's "one particular moment."
3. Mach band phenomenon
The Mach band phenomenon is a visual phenomenon where, at the boundary between light and dark areas, people often see a brighter band in the bright area and a darker line in the dark area. This is the Mach band phenomenon. The Mach band is not due to the distribution of stimulus energy, but rather the result of the neural network processing visual information. Similarly, when people quantify love, they unconsciously subject their perception of love to subjective processing.
When there is comparison, strengths can be magnified infinitely, as can weaknesses; conversely, without comparison, strengths may be overlooked, and weaknesses may be ignored. This can lead to significant biases in how we judge love and how we evaluate a person.
The implications of the Mach band phenomenon for love:
For the attacking side—find a "point of comparison" to fully showcase your strengths while avoiding any comparisons regarding your weaknesses;
For the defending side—objectively evaluate a person or an event, and avoid making blind comparisons.
4. Cocktail party effect
The so-called cocktail party effect refers to the brain's filtering function of external stimuli. It reacts quickly to things that are relevant to itself, while ignoring irrelevant ones. It's like being at a cocktail party; in a noisy environment, you don't pay attention to what others are saying, but when someone calls your name, you react immediately.
The implications of the cocktail party effect for love:
People tend to remain indifferent when it doesn't concern them, but become overly sensitive when it involves them. This is detrimental to objectively analyzing love. In love, one should objectively analyze the process and avoid being overly sensitive to things that concern oneself, thus preventing incorrect judgments.
5. The All-in Law
Stud Poker is a card game where players decide their bet based on their existing hand and unknown cards. Whether to call, raise, fold, or go all-in tests not only a person's judgment but also their mental fortitude. It's a battle of courage and boldness.
The implications of the "All-in Law" for love:
Love is like playing cards; there are known things and unknown things. Before the cards are revealed, we have the right to decide whether to call, raise, fold, or sell everything. When everything is unknown, don't give up out of fear; consider everything comprehensively, as success or failure is both possible.
6. The Law of the Bucket
The Law of the Bucket is a law of economics. The amount of water a bucket can hold is entirely determined by its shortest stave. This is a common problem that any organization may face: the various parts that make up an organization are often of varying strengths and weaknesses, and the weakest part often determines the overall level of the organization.
The implications of the "bucket law" for love:
In romantic relationships, a person's flaws are often the key to success or failure; weaknesses often determine the overall outcome. Therefore, it's essential to skillfully conceal one's shortcomings—a rule that will never change in love. Of course, for the one being pursued, it's crucial to be adept at identifying the other person's flaws and not just focus on superficial appearances.
7. Trigonometric Axioms
In geometry, a triangle is the most stable shape. So, in love, is a love triangle the most stable relationship? The so-called triangle axiom does not mean that a love triangle is the most stable relationship. The meaning of the triangle axiom is that love that emerges from a long-term stable love triangle is extremely unstable and contains hidden dangers.
The implications of the triangle axiom for love:
Do not get involved in a love triangle, and do not fantasize that the most perfect love is one that can emerge from a love triangle.
8. Matthew Effect
The Gospel of Matthew in the New Testament tells the story of a king who, before embarking on a journey, entrusted each of his three servants with a talent of silver, instructing them, “Go and do business with it until I return.” Upon his return, the first servant reported, “Master, the talent you gave me has gained ten more.” The king rewarded him with ten cities. The second servant reported, “Master, the talent you gave me has gained five more.” The king rewarded him with five cities. The third servant reported, “Master, the talent you gave me, I kept wrapped in a handkerchief, afraid of losing it, and never took it out.” The king then ordered that the third servant's talent be given to the first servant, saying, “For to everyone who has, more will be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who does not have, even what he has will be taken away.” This is the Matthew effect, reflecting a common phenomenon in today's society: the winner takes all.
The implications of the Matthew effect for love:
Beautiful women usually have a good mindset and personality, while less attractive women are often psychologically unbalanced because they haven't broken free from the Matthew effect. Regardless of one's innate conditions, a peaceful mindset is the most important thing. Accumulating one's own strengths is the key to success, rather than constantly complaining and blaming others.
9. The Romeo and Juliet Law
The Romeo and Juliet Law states that when love faces external challenges, these obstacles can actually deepen the bond between the two people.
The implications of the Romeo and Juliet Law for love:
If two people want to deepen their relationship, they need to experience more things together. A mundane relationship is definitely not enough to withstand the seven-year itch. If parents want to intervene in their children's relationship, they should not go against the grain and obstruct it, as that will only deepen their feelings for each other. Instead, they should guide them in a roundabout way.
10. The Wheat Ear Principle
To understand the wheat ear principle, we need to tell a story: One day, Plato asked his teacher Socrates, "What is love?" Socrates told him to go into a wheat field and pick the largest, most golden ear of wheat. He could only pick once, and he could only move forward, not backward. Plato did as his teacher instructed. He came out of the field empty-handed. His teacher asked him why he hadn't picked anything. He replied, "Because I could only pick once, and I couldn't go back, even when I saw the largest, most golden ear, I didn't pick it because I didn't know if there was a better one ahead. When I got further ahead, I realized that none of them were as good as the ones I'd seen before; I'd already missed the largest, most golden ear, so I picked nothing." His teacher said, "That's love. Because the demands on love are too perfect, and in the process of pursuing it, the future is unpredictable, and the past cannot be looked back upon, so perfection is always difficult to achieve. That's the wheat ear principle."
The guiding significance of the wheat ear principle for love:
Having a perfect vision of love is great, but in reality, you need to analyze reality objectively and translate your imagination into reality. In other words, you need to be clear about what you want. If you haven't achieved your goal, don't compromise or lower your standards.
