1. Feeling uneasy is normal.
The pain of losing a loved one can be especially intense during the holidays. The festive cheer and joy everywhere can feel overwhelming, making the grief all the more painful for the grieving. You might feel like each day is an eternity, with all your senses—sight, hearing, smell, and taste—stimulated by holiday decorations, songs, and food. These all serve as reminders that your loved one isn't there to share this precious time with you. If you feel depressed or angry, acknowledge these emotions; they are healthy ways to express grief. "If you suppress your emotions, they can become fear, anxiety, or nightmares. It's important to release your inner emotions, to express your true feelings, and not to bottle everything up," Cruchet says.
2. Things will get much better once you get through the first year.
The first holiday after the passing of a loved one can be incredibly painful, as there's no one to decorate the house, exchange gifts, or share a meal. Cruchet says, "That's perfectly normal. If you can't handle it, try not to follow the traditions. You don't have to prepare elaborate meals; just eat whatever you like during the holidays. This doesn't mean you have to do it this way from now on. It's just that in the first year, it's best to avoid creating situations that trigger painful memories and try to avoid being overwhelmed by the past. Actually, once you get through the first year, the second year will be much easier."
3. Do not avoid talking about the deceased.
Avoiding conversations about deceased loved ones will only make you feel worse. Cruchet says, "It's important to talk about the deceased; it helps you process what's going on. Don't be afraid to share memories and tears. Gather family and friends and revisit photos and stories from past holidays. When you reminisce, you share laughter and tears with everyone, and you receive comfort and strength from those around you. Some people hold memorial services, set up altars, or light candles to commemorate the deceased; these actions help to express grief and empower the living."
4. Properly handle party invitations
Holidays often bring a flood of party invitations, but what should a grieving person do when they don't feel like celebrating? Cruchet suggests that if you feel down at a party, try staying for 20 minutes before deciding whether to stay or leave. If you're having fun, stay; if you feel overwhelmed, leave. Don't force yourself to smile.
5. Learn to accept help
Cruchet says, "Many of us are reluctant to accept help from others, seeing it as a sign of weakness." Accepting help from family and friends when they ask if you need it is not a sign of weakness. "Grief can be exhausting and draining, so if you don't have the energy to prepare for the holidays, let someone else do it for you."
6. Don't feel guilty.
When you're having a good time, you might feel guilty towards your deceased loved ones. You might ask yourself: How can I still laugh when they're gone? Cruchet says, "Your smile or laugh might just be because you watched a funny movie, and it has nothing to do with how much you loved the person who passed away. We should accept their departure, and the important thing is to continue our normal lives."
7. Helping others can help people overcome depression.
Some people find that paying attention to others' needs during the holidays can help them get through the time more comfortably. Volunteering at a nursing home or animal shelter, or organizing toy donations for children's charities, can all bring joy. You can even create a new holiday tradition by volunteering at charities during the holidays. Cruchet points out, "Helping others can be one of the best ways to remember those who have passed away."
