There is a type of man who is understanding, considerate, and empathetic; he can be a man when moving or shopping, and a woman when confiding in someone; he is devoted, willing to listen to your ramblings, and happy to be your emotional dumping ground; you can talk to him about anything, and you are incredibly close to him on a spiritual level, yet there is no blood relation, no intimacy, no ambiguity, and certainly no romantic relationship… These are “male best friends.” Recently, with the popularity of the TV series “In Time With You,” many women have expressed envy for the female lead Cheng Youqing’s possession of a “male best friend” who is a good listener, and “male best friends” have once again become a hot topic.
More and more women are longing for a "male best friend".
A "male best friend" is similar to a "male confidant," and is an extramarital (or extramarital) relationship that maintains a certain distance and is different from a third-party relationship. It belongs to the "fourth type of relationship" that is "less than love and more than friendship."
From the American sitcom "Sex and the City" to popular Chinese TV dramas like "Men's Gang," "Love is Not Blind," and "In Time with You," the caring "male best friend" has shone on screen, touching women's hearts. An online survey indicates that more and more working women yearn for a "male best friend." And many women, consciously or unconsciously, have already acquired one.
"Male best friends" aren't just a young person's prerogative. "We're on the same wavelength at work, but not on the same wavelength emotionally"—that's how 54-year-old Ms. Li summarizes her relationship with her "male best friend," Daqiang. This pair of work partners, who have worked together for over ten years, have a perfect working relationship and are considered a "perfect combination." Ms. Li laughs, "We're tied together from 7:30 am to 5 pm every week, more time than married couples!" Ms. Li is straightforward and strong-willed, often unintentionally offending people. Whenever this happens, the steady and meticulous Daqiang reminds her, even going so far as to speak frankly. Most female colleagues wouldn't do this for the sake of saving face. Ms. Li frankly admits that although they admire each other at work, they aren't each other's ideal romantic partners. "He prefers the petite, dependent type, while I like someone more easygoing in relationships. This means we're destined to be best partners, good buddies."
"Why can men have female confidantes, but women can't have male best friends?" Lanlan, a distinctive white-collar worker in Beijing, has a variety of male best friends with different personalities and interests. She goes rock climbing with an adventure enthusiast; discusses plays with an arts lover; seeks academic advice from a scholar; does charity work with a public-spirited friend; and even opened a travel bar with a seasoned backpacker... She exclaimed, "As many kinds of male best friends there are, so many rich possibilities in life."
The phenomenon of "male best friends" that transcend gender boundaries is gaining popularity.
What is the role of a male best friend?
1. Relationship Consultant
Beyond the broader social context, seeking complementary strengths based on gender differences is also a significant reason. Many women believe that male best friends can offer advice from entirely different perspectives and angles, whether in work or relationships. Psychologists state that men think about problems from different angles than women, and women can gain diverse experiences by interacting with them.
In a sense, a "male best friend" is a "beneficial" "emotional supplement" outside of romantic love. Women also need appreciation and affirmation from the opposite sex. Many women often complain that their lovers or spouses are "unromantic" and "no longer appreciate and value them as before." However, a "male best friend" is different. The dual identity of a man and a "best friend" makes women feel that he is a close confidant, very understanding, and very considerate.
2. Affirmation from the opposite sex
Besides objectively offering guidance to the other person from the perspective of the opposite sex, there is another hidden advantage: having a voice of affirmation from the opposite sex when feeling down or insecure.
It's important to understand that the attraction to the opposite sex sends adrenaline soaring, regardless of gender. If, when you need strength and comfort, a person of the opposite sex stands firmly by your side, this warmth is far more effective than any words of comfort or the company of a same sex. This isn't to say that same-sex friends aren't important; it's just that in certain situations, the strength of the opposite sex is more direct and powerful, instantly restoring and healing you.
From a mental health perspective, humans need both same-sex and opposite-sex friends, and both types are equally important. In life, we often only allow ourselves to be friends with the same sex, which is a repressed need.
However, this also leads to another risk: the two people may unknowingly become attracted to each other. This is a dangerous sign, because two people who can be friends may not be suitable to be lovers.
The fourth type of emotion that teeters on the edge of danger
However, the popularity of "male best friends" has also sparked some controversy. Some question whether "pure friendship between men and women is even possible," arguing that even if things start out innocent, feelings may develop over time. This is especially true for married individuals; close relationships with members of the opposite sex could cast a shadow over their marriage or even lead to its breakdown.
The likelihood of a "male best friend" developing into a romantic relationship is actually quite low. A survey showed that 58% of women said they would not develop feelings for their "male best friends" that cross the line of friendship. As one female netizen said, "You have your own boyfriend or husband, and he has his own girlfriend or wife. You are very close, but you will not take that step that crosses the line. Because in each other's hearts, the other person is actually genderless, and even if you look at him for 10 years, you will not feel any other kind of heartbeat..."
However, this "fourth type of emotion" that lies between friendship and love is inherently delicate. Therefore, although the possibility of a "male best friend" turning into a bad relationship is not high, one should still pay attention to the distance and maintain a proper "degree".
"Human selfishness cannot be denied." When men and women become "close friends," some may use this to conceal feelings for each other. Deliberately blurring the lines is unrealistic; if not handled carefully, it can lead to disastrous consequences. Both men and women should be mindful of boundaries and privacy in their interactions. Married women, in particular, must be cautious to avoid jeopardizing their family relationships. By striking the right balance, the role of a "male close friend" might actually contribute to mental well-being.
