Ten rules for couples to remember when arguing

First rule: Avoid arguing in front of outsiders.

Couples inevitably have disagreements in life, but it's important to avoid arguing in public. Some issues, when argued about in front of others, not only fail to resolve them but can actually exacerbate the situation. Arguing in public often leads to both partners being overly concerned with saving face and unwilling to back down, frequently resulting in an unmanageable situation. Therefore, good couples should remember: give your partner ample face in front of friends and family. Your attitude towards your partner determines the level of respect others will have for them. If you don't care about them, others will look down on them.

Second rule: Don't argue when the other person is vulnerable.

Arguments also have a time limit. If your partner is sick, feeling down, or going through a difficult time at work, arguing with them or accusing them will only exacerbate the conflict. When your partner is in a vulnerable state, please put aside all your anger and try to care for and understand them.

Three prohibitions: Don't take divorce lightly.

It's not easy for two people to come together and form a family, so the word "divorce" should not be uttered lightly. Especially during an argument, mentioning divorce impulsively can lead to wrong choices that you might regret for the rest of your life. "Divorce" is a very sensitive word, and mentioning it carelessly is dangerous; it can easily tear apart the emotional bond between husband and wife and intensify family conflicts. A couple is no longer just about two people, but a whole; don't give up easily.

Fourthly, avoid involving your partner's parents and family during arguments.

When couples argue, they should never involve each other's parents and family. It's crucial to avoid verbal abuse, especially of each other's family. Treat each other with empathy and respect for each other's families. If you genuinely care for their loved ones, they will be grateful and love you even more. Arguments between couples are common, but don't take them too seriously, and there's no need to let your parents know. Communicate more and be more understanding. Life is long; when you're angry, try to remember the good things about your partner.

Fifth prohibition: Bringing up old grievances.

Some couples like to dredge up each other's past grievances during arguments, which is one of the most foolish things to do. For example, bringing up past mistakes or ex-lovers will only escalate the argument and deepen the conflict. Each issue should be addressed separately; don't dredge up every little thing that comes up in an argument. What started as a small matter becomes increasingly complicated. So, let bygones be bygones and let the past be history.

Six prohibitions: Smashing things during arguments

Don't smash things during an argument. Arguments are already loud enough; adding the sound of breaking objects makes it too dramatic. It'll disturb the neighbors and frighten the children. Besides, you're breaking your own money, and you'll have to clean up the mess yourself. Being right doesn't mean raising your voice; maintain composure even during arguments. If you really can't hold back, throw a pillow, but don't let the ear-splitting noise shatter your loving relationship.

Seventh commandment: Saying hurtful things to the other person.

Many people say hurtful things when they argue, often comparing their spouses to others. "Look how capable other husbands are, and you're such a useless wimp!" "Look how virtuous other wives are, and you're good for nothing!"... These words only destroy each other's self-confidence. True love means refusing to hurt each other!

Bajie: Threatening with death

Some couples argue and constantly threaten to die. Saying things like, "What's the point of me living?", "I don't want to live anymore!", "I'll kill myself!"... This is foolish. Don't say such hurtful, spiteful things that damage your relationship.

Nine Commandments: Never Hit Someone

When arguing, always control your hands. Even in the heat of the moment, maintain at least some self-control. A slap might destroy years of affection and leave both parties feeling utterly miserable. Physical contact wounds the skin, but it wounds the heart. Physical wounds heal, but emotional scars are difficult to mend. No matter how angry you are, remember: impulsiveness is the devil!

Ten Commandments: Arguing in front of your children

Arguments should be kept private, especially with children present. A couple's argument is a private matter between the two of them; the children are innocent. Letting children witness their parents arguing can, at best, leave a shadow on their young minds, and at worst, affect their studies and even their attitudes towards marriage later in life. The relationship between parents is the foundation of a child's sense of security, something that no amount of material comfort can replace. If children cannot experience love and affection at home, the parents' behavior unknowingly harms the next generation.

While couples don't need to be overly cautious with everything they say, every wrong word can create a small rift. It might be insignificant once or twice, but over time it becomes difficult to repair. Managing a marriage largely involves language; replacing hurtful words with caring ones is the key to maintaining a happy marriage.

1. Encourage your husband to strive for a promotion, a raise, or a job change.

"Xiao Zhou's husband has already gotten two raises, you need to learn to proactively ask your boss for one." "This position should be yours, go talk to your manager." "Don't work at this lousy company, what future is there?"

While the saying "a wife's success brings her honor" holds true, constantly nagging about her husband's position and salary only shows that the wife is overly demanding. We live in an era of gender equality, but many women still hold the outdated view that men should be the breadwinners, which puts immense pressure on their husbands. When a husband faces a crucial promotion, she shouldn't pressure him, but rather encourage him with words like, "You've already achieved so much; I'm content." This maintains the marital relationship and gives the husband the confidence to strive for the family.

2. Criticizing her husband's mother or constantly comparing herself to her.

"Why is your mom like this?", "How old are you? Why is your mom still controlling you?", "Between me and your mom, who do you love more?"

Never criticize his mother to her face. Many men, though they may not say it, actually value their mothers very much. Many men initiate divorces because their wives don't respect their mothers-in-law enough. Women shouldn't constantly compare themselves to their mothers-in-law. Put yourself in their shoes; men are caught in the middle, making it difficult for them, as a mother's position is irreplaceable. Try letting your husband see that you're working hard to create a harmonious mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship. Regardless of the outcome, he will be grateful to you.

3. "We need to talk."

"You never listen to me properly," "Can't you just let me finish what I have to say?" "We need to sit down and talk about the children."

Studies show that men speak an average of 2,000 words per day, while women speak an average of 7,000. After using up their 2,000 words at work, men often don't want to speak much more at home, while women have an extra 5,000 words that seem "unfinished." Often, when a woman adopts a "we need to talk" stance, she doesn't actually want an "equal conversation," but rather wants to "educate" her husband. Women should always be mindful of their attitude. When a conversation is necessary, they might say to their husbands, "This is really important to me, and I hope you understand," to create an equal relationship.

4. Mocking your husband's taste, food preferences, or lifestyle habits.

"Why did you go out dressed like that?", "Don't eat XX, it's so dirty!", "Where did you learn this nasty habit from?"

While many men aren't as particular about food and clothing as women, they can still resent their wives' constant criticism. It's especially important to avoid discussing his eating habits or bad habits openly. He confides in you not so much as expecting you to "tell it all" to the neighbors and friends; men who value their image hate it when their wives frequently mention their "secrets," especially their bad habits, in front of their friends.

5. Look at other people's.

"Look at her, she's younger than you, and she's already a division-level official." "Look at Xiao Wang's husband, he just bought her a new car." "Look how well XX (ex-boyfriend) is doing now."

Don't praise another man by comparing his shortcomings to his own; he'll feel belittled and ridiculed. Men often lack security with other men, and comparing him to another man's strengths might make him uneasy. Therefore, try to avoid comparing your husband to other men. Of course, if you can find his strengths, feel free to praise him using comparisons from time to time.

6. I strictly monitor my husband's phone calls and text messages.

"Why does XX keep calling you?", "Can't she call anyone else? Why does she have to call you?", "Who sent that text message just now?"

Many women check their husbands' phones, usually because they've noticed something amiss. However, excessive scrutiny and monitoring can make men feel suffocated, actually pushing them away. If the suspicion is unfounded, it can seriously damage the marital relationship. Don't constantly voice your suspicions; keep them to yourself. A smart woman will handle things discreetly and effectively.

7. My husband makes sarcastic remarks if he glances at a pretty woman even a couple of times.

"Look at you, your eyes are practically glued to the screen!" "If you think she's prettier than me, why don't you go find her?"

Every man is attracted to beautiful women, whether he admits it or not. If you respond with sarcastic remarks when he glances at a woman, it not only shows a lack of manners but also a lack of self-confidence. A smart woman would proactively point to a beautiful woman on the street and ask her husband, "Is she pretty?" She could offer a friendly "comment" like a buddy, but she wouldn't ask questions like, "Who's prettier, her or me?"

8. I regret it now.

"If you hadn't kept pestering me, I wouldn't have married you." "My biggest regret is marrying you." "Of all the people in the world, why did I choose you?"

These are the most damaging words, and many divorces are triggered by them. Even if you're arguing over trivial matters, saying these things can make things unbearable for both of you. Even if you reconcile, a rational man will convince himself to reduce his love for you because it doesn't feel secure enough.

9. Ask your husband about his secret stash of money.

"Have you been secretly saving money?" "Where has all your money gone?"

Men not only need a secret stash of money for cigarettes and alcohol, but also sufficient funds for daily social engagements. If a wife constantly interrogates her husband about his finances, it's not only a sign of distrust, but it also makes him feel like "he can't even make decisions about such small things." A smart wife should "keep quiet but be aware," and frequently remind her husband to "bring enough money when going out for social events," making him feel both financially free and proud.

10. Do you love me or not?

"Don't you love me anymore?" "You don't care about my feelings at all now."

Men are like peacocks; when courting, they'll display their plumage in every way to win a woman's heart; once married, they'll tuck their tails away, having accomplished their mission. Passion and love, however beautiful, cannot replace a livelihood, dignity, and money. Most men have the mindset of striving to support their families, but lack the patience to continuously please women. Therefore, don't always pressure him to make verbal promises. If he's willing to work hard for the family, that's more important than saying "I love you" a thousand times.