Women fear encountering a jerk in relationships most, but who hasn't fallen for one or two jerks? The worst part is being in a relationship with a jerk without realizing he's a jerk, or even that you're being manipulated. A cunning jerk will distort your thoughts, actions, and desires, making you more adaptable to his world and molding you into someone who serves his own purposes. Terrifying, isn't it? Therefore, before recognizing a jerk, you need to be aware of these signs and ensure they don't happen to you.
Warning 1: He will blame his insecurities on you.
A bad guy often blames his insecurities on you in an attempt to control your reactions to him. For example, he might say, "The reason I don't let you have male friends is because my girlfriend cheated on me before. You understand me, right?" Yes, you can understand, but no matter what he says, he shouldn't dictate your social relationships.
"I'm so sorry I did that stupid thing, but I was just so afraid you'd leave me!" This is a common excuse from jerks when you accuse them of going too far. The main purpose of this excuse is to get you to stop focusing on the bad thing they did and start trying to understand their erratic behavior. But it must be pointed out that there is a clear distinction between genuine care and being "controlled by a jerk": genuine care stems from love, while being "controlled" is achieved through guilt.
Warning 2: He will make you feel guilty, guilty about everything.
The reason you feel controlled often starts with guilt. If a jerk can convince you and make you feel guilty about your actions (even if you didn't do anything wrong), then he knows you'll be more willing to do what he says. For example, "I mean, dinner was fine, although it wasn't exactly what I wanted, and I might have preferred something else, but as long as you're happy, it's perfectly fine with me. I love you, so making you happy is the most important thing to me, even if it means giving up what I want."
Did you understand what he was saying? Did you understand how he made you feel guilty? On the surface, he's a boyfriend who lives for love, but here's a spoiler: guilt isn't something a loved one should experience. A jerk will also try his best to make you feel like he's trying to "love you," so you're more willing to set aside your own desires to satisfy them, to make yourself feel "I love him as much as he loves me." This is truly a morbid "scheming game."
Warning 3: He will make you question yourself.
Want to know why you're so easily controlled by a jerk? Because he "rapes" you with his logic, making you stop trusting your own judgment. Yes, he exploits your "insecurity" to manipulate you. He constantly points out your "mistakes" and emphasizes how he can do better. He points out your weaknesses and then tells you that with his help, you can do better and become a better version of yourself.
Slowly, he makes you believe he cherishes you and cares about your best interests, but in reality, he doesn't. He only cherishes himself and cares only about himself. They gradually distort your thinking until you see him as your guide in every aspect of life. Once that happens, you'll basically do anything the jerk asks you to because you now trust him more than you trust yourself.
Warning 4: He will make you take responsibility for his emotions.
This jerk spends a lot of time making you feel like you can't think independently and that you need his opinion on everything—but ironically, he then turns around and makes you responsible for his negative emotions. For example, if he's sad, he'll think you're the one who made him sad; and if he's angry, you'd better examine yourself because you've clearly done something wrong. They've robbed you of your sense of self because they've made you feel "completely out of control of your life," and now they expect you to be responsible for their emotions. It's insane.
Warning 5: He makes you believe that "what he wants is exactly what you want."
In the early stages of a close relationship, it's natural to have our own needs and things we don't accept. Compromise is inevitable when you integrate two people's lives. What's abnormal is feeling you must completely abandon your own needs and desires to try and satisfy your marriage partner. And if you begin to realize that your marriage partner is fulfilling far more needs than you are, then you may have married a "jerk."
If you often give in because of the guilt he creates, or if your concessions stem from having to cater to his negative emotions, or if you've given up on things you wanted to do because of his "well-intentioned advice," and if your answer to all of these questions is "Yes," perhaps you need to re-evaluate this relationship. Women should open their eyes wide and carefully observe whether such men exist in their lives. If you're still unsure, why not consider what kind of man qualifies as a "scumbag"?
1. Living off a woman
Such a man has no backbone or shoulders; he's the kind of person who would sell his soul for money, and can't even be relied upon to guard the house. If you really have money to burn, don't keep a dog as a pet; a dog won't bite its owner, but a man who lives off a woman might turn around and bite you until you're bleeding, "eating" you out of your pocket, and then turn around and go after someone even richer.
2. Make soft-boiled eggs
No one forbids men from having occasional moments of vulnerability, but a man who is inherently cowardly is highly likely to succumb to life's storms and develop malicious tendencies, causing immense harm. Calling him cowardly is a euphemism; to put it bluntly, he's a "softie." He lacks responsibility and cannot shoulder burdens, always passing the buck to women in crucial moments. After putting women in the spotlight, he retreats into a corner, reportedly collapsing.
3. Three legs
This kind of man's genitals are his third "leg." And since this "leg" is on his body, no one can control him. He likes to wander around, picking up flowers and grass along the way, not stopping until he's exhausted. He doesn't necessarily want beautiful women; he wants to have a fling with any woman he hasn't touched before.
4. Act like a grandson
Be who you are, don't try to fake it. But some men are born with nothing to show for it, yet they try to act like a beautiful flower in front of you, and no matter how good you are, you won't bloom. He's good at playing the subservient type in front of women, and his attitude before and after getting what he wants is completely different. If you complain, he'll loudly proclaim, "It's all your own choice, I didn't force you!"
5. Abacus
This kind of man is all about self-interest, always putting his own gain first, and women are often just tools for his survival. You can talk to him about money and benefits, or listen to him talk about his "Grandet" philosophy, but don't talk to him about love. He generally won't understand, and even if you are the woman he tries to fall in love with, he won't be willing to spend any money on you.
6. A true prodigal son
He's getting on in years, accomplished nothing, penniless, yet he keeps talking about a "free life." This kind of man is a fake braveryster, a true wanderer, mistaking escapism for pursuit, cowardice for fearlessness. He lives in a self-contained bubble, flaunting his success to women all over the world, telling them with deep affection, "I'm going to take you to wander the world." Does he expect her to starve with him?
7. False benevolence and righteousness
Wherever there are people, there is a world of intrigue, and the world of emotions is especially chaotic. But you need to open your eyes wide and see what kind of world this is today. True loyalty and camaraderie are long gone; hypocrisy and false righteousness fill the market. Women didn't ask you to "pity" them, yet you pretend to be devoted, only to take advantage of the situation. Since you've entered this world, you'll eventually have to pay the price.
8. Male shrew
Who says men don't swear? Look at those who argue with women in public, those who "insult" someone's whole family for a single unpleasant word, those who fight tooth and nail with women over some property, those who keep bringing up their exes' faults even after years of breakup... There are so many resentful men these days! Male shrews are everywhere, you'd be embarrassed to call yourself a "shrew."
9. Hitting women
Verbal abuse isn't enough; some men even resort to physical violence. Women and men are on completely different levels when it comes to fighting. If you want a fight, find a man; yet, spineless men insist on challenging women. Those men who brutally beat their partners can no longer be called men; to call them men is an insult to the very title. The worst kind of man is one who hits women; such men are better off without.
10. Erect a memorial archway
This is the worst kind of man. If you've done the things mentioned above, fine, not many people would know who you are anyway. But then you come up with a whole bunch of ridiculous excuses to justify yourself, saying the woman had a bad attitude, or you adopt the posture of a shrew and argue with her. Behind the absurdity lies shamelessness. There's no limit to how despicable people can get; this is exactly the kind of person who's the worst.
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