The simple phrase "I refuse to settle" from the drama "My Sunshine" reveals the true essence of love: love is love, and without love, there can be no compromise. "If that person has ever appeared in this world, everyone else will become a compromise, and I refuse to compromise." He Yichen's softly uttered words have become a love motto for countless viewers and readers. Whether it's forever or just a fleeting moment, the most precious thing about love is this genuine feeling of "refusing to settle."
We're used to getting married because everyone's doing it; sticking to our principles in real life seems like foolishness.
He Yichen persisted in a relationship for seven years, finally seeing Zhao Mosheng return, leading to a happy ending. In movies and novels, he's undoubtedly a Casanova, his persistence and dedication moving countless women. But in reality, would you wait for someone for seven years without knowing the future? Or, seeing your best friend waiting seven years for a hopeless love, would you advise him/her to settle? So, in reality, He Yichen is a fool.
We've become accustomed to doing what others do, never questioning why. If others are dating, I'll date; if others are getting married, I'll get married too; if others have houses and cars, I must buy a house and a car as well. Everyone in society is a product of an assembly line, focused only on conformity and disrespecting themselves. Most people enter into marriage without ever understanding its meaning, ultimately building a walled city, appearing glamorous in public but heartbroken in private.
Love should not be compromised, and marriage should be even less so.
"Isn't that life? Just make do and get by?" How many times have we heard this phrase? A job isn't great, so we just do it; a partner isn't satisfactory, so we just love them for the sake of it. Such a life is often filled with procrastination, unprincipled compromises, opportunism, helplessness, and inner turmoil—it's all predictable from the start. It's not that making do is inherently wrong, but we must carefully consider when to do so. If we can't eat what we want today, we settle for something else; if we want to travel somewhere but don't have the time or money right now, we make do and go later.
But loving someone shouldn't be a compromise, and marrying someone shouldn't be either. Love and marriage should be about personal fulfillment and improving the quality of life. It should stem from mutual affection, a desire to be together day and night, to live together, have children, and grow old together. It shouldn't be about loneliness, reaching a certain age, or worrying about the opinions of parents and society.
Compromise in love and marriage is all-encompassing, affecting everything from daily necessities to social interactions and intimate moments in bed. While you can hire a helper for laundry and cooking, physical contact is unavoidable. In a relationship of compromise, what should be intimate and beautiful contact can become as painful as rape. To put it bluntly, even a one-night stand ends with a goodbye in the morning, and you may never see each other again. But in a long-term relationship, where you see each other constantly, it's not easy to break free. Even though you have someone physically present, and are not lonely in form, the inability to connect emotionally is more painful than being alone.
You shouldn't gamble with your marriage just to please someone else. There's no need to feel guilty about refusing blind dates or being pressured into marriage.
The persistence of "not wanting to settle" is touching because it's rare in reality. Many of us settle because of pressure from parents and society. Parents want their children to be happy, so they pressure them into arranged marriages and marriage. However, the standard of happiness differs; each generation has its own pursuits. In feudal society, marriages were arranged by parents and matchmakers; during the planned economy era, there were even organized marriages. Times have changed. Must we continue down the old path?
Many people feel guilty for going against their parents' wishes, so they reluctantly go through arranged marriages, marrying and loving with resentment. But I want to say, why feel guilty? You are an independent individual, not an appendage of your parents. Marriage is an important event that spans a significant part of your life. Even without considering love, it will always affect your life. Is it foolish to gamble half your life to please your parents or anyone else?
While we're still mocking single women, Japanese women have already taken their own step.
Many women see marriage as their life's goal; they feel their lives are incomplete without it. But once married, having achieved their life goal, they don't know what to do next. They can only obediently submit to the man, becoming his appendage, someone's wife, but no one will remember what this wife's name is.
From the perspective of traditional division of labor, modern women no longer need to confine themselves to marriage. Many women are choosing to forgo the comfortable life of staying at home to be wives and mothers after marriage, continuing to live their own beautiful lives in their careers. If a man doesn't earn much more than you and doesn't share any housework or childcare responsibilities, then in this marriage, you either become a devoted, hardworking, and subservient partner, or you simply don't get married. Your partner should be able to please you, both emotionally and materially, right?
The choice is personal; you can choose what you love, or what others want you to love.
Love and marriage don't have much in common. The only thing to consider is whether it makes both people better. Good people bring you the world, bad people make you lose the world. Marriage, who you marry, and why you marry are very important things, not just things others pressure you to do because you've reached a certain age. Actually, the key isn't whether to marry or not, but your attitude towards it.
Compared to the complexities of life, love is insignificant. We don't need to create illusions. If one person is happy, then they are alone; what others think is irrelevant. The things in the world that should not be compromised are love and marriage. Love contains so many irrational factors, while marriage is precisely something that requires rational choice. Everyone's definition of happiness is different, so the life they choose will also be different. Whether or not to compromise is a personal choice. You can choose what you love, or what others hope you will love.
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