By middle age, life has become relatively stable, and one enters another stage of life.
But for many couples, the real test has just begun.
Ms. A : My relationship with my husband is now like that of "brothers sleeping in the upper bunk," or even worse. Brothers would joke around with each other, but he doesn't even look at me.
Ms. B : Every day after work, he would hold the dog and watch TV, playing with it. But if I tried to touch his hand, he would pull it away, saying that we're an old married couple and there's no need for us to do these things.
Ms. C : You guys are nothing compared to this. My husband and I have been sleeping in separate beds for five years now. Sometimes I want to kiss him, but he absolutely refuses, saying it's disgusting. Our lives are getting more and more miserable. Whether we get a divorce or not, we're both suffering.
Many couples find that after more than a decade of marriage, their relationship is not as wonderful as they imagined; instead, it is filled with trivial matters and various problems.
I. Survey shows: Middle-aged couples have low levels of intimacy.
On March 14, 2010, the China Population Education Center launched a men's care campaign in Beijing. Prior to the launch ceremony, the Population Education Center initiated a month-long online survey on the marital happiness of middle-aged couples, receiving nearly 4,000 valid questionnaires.
The results showed that about one-third of middle-aged couples felt their current marital relationship was not ideal, and 40% felt their current sex life was not ideal. The surveyed population generally believed that "harmonious sex life" held a more important place in a happy marriage than "affluent material life."
Psychology expert Dr. Zhang Yiyun interpreted the above data, stating that while people have traditionally believed that economic status has the most significant impact on marriage, the survey revealed that partner fidelity and a fulfilling sex life are even more important . Therefore, when problems related to sex life arise in a marriage, both partners should actively address them together and not avoid the topic.
As society develops, people face increasing pressure, and the "sexual happiness crisis of middle-aged couples" has become a common social problem. However, due to traditional values, many people are ashamed to talk about it.
2. Why is it so difficult for middle-aged couples to have sex?
The survey also found that erectile dysfunction (ED) in men has become one of the main culprits of disharmony in marital sex life, with women being 20% more likely than men to report dissatisfaction with their sex life.
Erectile dysfunction (ED) is a topic that many men find distressing and difficult to discuss. According to data from the China Health Education Center, the prevalence of ED among Chinese men is 26.1%, with an even higher prevalence of 40.2% among men over 40. This indicates that a significant number of men born in the 1970s, 1980s, and even 1990s are suffering from ED.
Erectile dysfunction (ED) is a medical condition that can significantly impact a man's physical and mental health.
First, erectile dysfunction (ED) can impair male fertility, making it difficult for patients to have sexual intercourse and conceive normally. Furthermore, this condition can severely impact relationships, leading to dissatisfaction in the female partner and frustration in the male.
Deng Junhong, director of the Department of Andrology at Guangzhou First People's Hospital, stated that patients with erectile dysfunction (ED) can be treated with medication. As long as medication is taken as needed, most patients will experience significant improvement, making the problem relatively easy to resolve. Oral medications are the first-line treatment for ED , primarily PDE5 inhibitors.
Besides erectile dysfunction in men, vaginal dryness in middle-aged women can also affect marital life.
A woman's secretions are affected by estrogen levels, so when estrogen levels are low, she may experience decreased libido and dryness.
Firstly, during breastfeeding , women experience high levels of progesterone and low levels of estrogen. Combined with the physical and mental exhaustion from caring for an infant, this can lead to dryness. Secondly, menopause , often the period of "midlife crisis" in couples, is another factor. After menopause, ovarian function gradually declines, leading to a significant decrease in estrogen levels and reduced vaginal secretions, resulting in dryness.
To improve dryness, estrogen therapy can be used, which involves supplementing the body with estrogen through medication or dietary improvements. Additionally, lubricants can be used appropriately to enhance the experience.
III. Further Exploration: Midlife Emotional Crisis – Communication is Key
As people reach middle age, they increasingly feel that marriage is not easy and life is not harmonious. In fact, it is not entirely caused by disharmony in the couple's life, but more often by communication barriers between the two parties.
Sexologist Li Yinhe once said that sometimes what appears to be a lack of sex in life may actually be a lack of expression of love .
During the honeymoon phase, couples rarely let arguments drag on for days because they are considerate of each other and actively communicate. However, as time goes on, the passion fades after marriage, and couples often resort to silence or giving up on communication to resolve conflicts.
In fact, the real barrier lies in the long-term lack of communication and expression.
A fading of marital affection and an unhappy marriage are problems faced by many middle-aged couples. The impact of sexual intimacy on a marriage is greater than that of economic factors, and erectile dysfunction (ED) in men plays a significant role in this. However, the most important thing is for couples to face problems proactively and communicate effectively . After all, they have been together for over a decade; they should believe that no problem is insurmountable.
References:
[1] A survey shows that nearly 40% of middle-aged couples are dissatisfied with their current sex life. Sina Health. 2010-03-16
[2] A young man's erectile dysfunction was shattered by his girlfriend's words! Guangzhou First People's Hospital. 2016-07-13
