Hi editor. I've had a question for a long time but was too embarrassed to ask. Today, I'm going to put aside my pride and get straight to the point:
My wife and I are both over 60, but I'm still capable in bed, although she always refuses. I don't see anything wrong with it, but she just can't handle it, saying I'm old and indecent.
Honestly, we've been married for thirty or forty years and have never argued, but this matter is really troubling me, and I don't know what to do! Should someone my age just keep it all bottled up?
Chinese cultural views on sex tend to be conservative, especially among the elderly, who are often assumed to have no sexual needs. However, this is a serious misconception.
I. More and more elderly people are having sexual intercourse.
A UK survey indicates that the percentage of sexually active men is 84.5% in the 60-69 age group, 59.3% in the 70-79 age group, and 31.1% in the 80+ age group; the percentages for women are 59.9%, 34.3%, and 14.2%, respectively.
A Duke University study of people aged 66 to 71 found that 90% of men and 50% of women were interested in sex; sexologist Kinsey's research indicated that 94% of men and 84% of women over 60 still had sexual activity.
Even in my country, where many people believe that older people have no sex life, the reality is that among people aged 55-61, 53% have sex once a month, and 39% have sex three times a month.
So the facts tell us that there are still many elderly people with sexual needs, especially as people's sexual attitudes become more and more diversified, and "sex" is no longer something to be shy about.
II. There are many benefits to elderly couples engaging in marital relations.
In fact, fulfilling needs is a perfectly normal physiological phenomenon, and appropriate sexual activity is beneficial to health.
1. Makes people healthy
A healthy sex life can regulate the brain's neural coordination, thereby enhancing the body's adaptability and maintaining a relative balance in various physiological functions. Furthermore, sexual activity releases pent-up emotions, providing dual satisfaction for both the mind and body.
2. Enhance happiness
In addition to dopamine, men release serotonin and oxytocin during sexual activity. These two hormones, which bring "happiness" to the brain, not only intensify feelings of happiness but also reduce the risk of depression. For women, sexual activity also helps maintain hormonal balance , similarly releasing dopamine and other pleasure-inducing hormones. Furthermore, on a psychological level, sexual activity enhances the relationship between partners, thereby significantly increasing feelings of well-being.
3. Stimulates an increase in testosterone
The presence of demand indicates that the body's sex hormones, such as testosterone, are being secreted normally. Normal sex hormones are an important guarantee for maintaining male physique and vitality. If sex hormones are deficient, it can lead to osteoporosis and anemia, and may even cause depression.
III. Three common problems in the sex life of elderly couples
Is it better to turn the lights on or off?
On the issue of whether to turn the lights on or off, women may be more conservative than men, but men may enjoy visual stimulation more. Therefore, if couples have significant disagreements on this matter, they should discuss it together .
First, men shouldn't force their wives to agree; they must discuss and communicate to foster harmony in their relationship. Second, regarding bedroom lighting, overly bright lights are actually detrimental. Instead, opt for dim, soft lighting that creates a hazy, romantic atmosphere, which is satisfying for both partners.
What should I do if my abilities are not as good as before?
As men age, their physiological functions decline, potentially leading to erectile dysfunction. Women, due to decreased estrogen levels, may experience dryness and vaginal laxity. In such cases, medical intervention is possible. Both men and women should seek proper medical help and avoid unproven remedies, as these can help alleviate any perceived shortcomings in their sexual performance.
How often is it best to do this?
There is no fixed answer as to how often to do this, because everyone's physical condition is different.
A relatively average approach is for people aged 50 to 60 to maintain about three times a month. After age 60, if they still want to, they can maintain one time a month, depending on what their body can adapt to. However, the exact number of times depends on each person's physical condition; as long as there is no discomfort, maintain a frequency that feels comfortable to you .
Physiological needs are ultimately a matter of personal feeling. The sensations of the body and mind are the best indicators, and there is no need to "turn pale at the mention of sex." This is not indecent behavior.
References:
[1] At my age, can I still have a life? Doctor: Doing it right will have at least 6 benefits for your health! , Health Times, 2019.12.8
[2] How long can sexual confusion persist in the elderly?, Life Times, April 11, 2018
[3] Who stole the "sexual happiness" of the elderly? Health News, January 21, 2020
