The first major taboo: Don't rush to help your boyfriend's mother with chores.
Some women might say, "How can you be so tactless on your first visit? Of course you should help your boyfriend's mother with cooking or washing vegetables." That's a big mistake. As the saying goes, "What you establish is what you get."
First impressions are crucial. If you make a good first impression on your boyfriend's mother by being virtuous and capable, that impression will be deeply ingrained in her mind. Unless you're willing to be a virtuous, submissive wife for life (though some people might have masochistic tendencies), you'd better stay put and not move until it's time to eat.
If you work diligently the first time, people will hold you to that standard in the future. If you do a little less well in the future, people will think you are being lazy or putting on airs.
To avoid others having excessively high expectations of you in the future, it's best not to do too well for now. I'm not telling you ladies to be lazy, I'm just teaching you when to do things and when not to. I hope you understand my good intentions.
The second biggest taboo: Don't let your boyfriend boss you around in front of his mother.
In any relationship or marriage, one person usually holds a dominant position; that is, one person is more assertive. That person could be your boyfriend, but you shouldn't let his family know.
Think about it, if someone sees their son being so assertive in front of his girlfriend, will they still consider you a threat? If your boyfriend listens to you, will his mother still dare to look down on you? Isn't she afraid of losing her son as well?
Therefore, you shouldn't let your boyfriend boss you around in front of his mother, and you shouldn't show any fear; you need to be assertive.
The third major taboo: Knowing how to boss your boyfriend around.
The older generation generally believes that men are the head of the household and should not do housework or enter the kitchen. But ask any modern wife, and she'll likely agree with that view.
Modern wives are no longer dependent on their husbands' families like in the past, placing their husbands above them. Some women now earn more than their husbands. With the same working hours, why should women have to serve their husbands like royalty when they get home? A home belongs to both people, and housework should naturally be shared by both.
If you don't turn things around in front of his mother the first time you visit, she'll take it all for granted, no matter how hard you work. It's fine for us women to do some work, but what's disheartening is that she doesn't appreciate it, doesn't thank you, and acts like it's her due.
Any woman who doesn't want a miserable future should learn to boss her boyfriend around in front of her future in-laws. If you don't boss him around the first time, his family will think something's wrong if you ask him to do chores later. You should cultivate this habit in him, while also establishing new ideas in his mother's mind.
The fourth taboo: Don't constantly say things to please his mother and family.
It's understandable that young women want to make a good impression on their future in-laws when they visit them for the first time. The problem lies in the fact that some people are easily swayed by others and afraid of those in power. The more you try to please them, the more mistakes you'll make. They won't see your attempts to please them as politeness, but rather as your fear of them.
If your future in-laws are the kind of family who will reciprocate your kindness tenfold, then try your best to win them over; this will actually improve your relationship with them.
But how do you know what kind of people they are when you first meet them? Some women think that if their future husband is polite and kind, his family must be good too. Let me tell you, that's a huge mistake. Don't look for your future husband's family's traits in him.
It's often said that doting mothers spoil their sons, and vice versa; a son who always obeys his mother often has a "crazy" mother. If you only say what the other person wants to hear on the first visit, a single word that doesn't suit their taste after marriage could lead to a world war. Remember, bad habits are often fostered by indulgence, and a wise person wouldn't allow themselves to develop such habits.
Therefore, sisters, you don't need to fawn over others; just be polite and respectful. I'm not teaching you to be rude, but rather to maintain a respectful yet assertive attitude and behave with propriety (don't embarrass your parents).
The fifth major taboo: Never give an inch when your future in-laws raise matters of principle.
Some shrewish mothers-in-law have already figured out the weaknesses of young women. They know that the young bride visiting for the first time is too embarrassed to speak up for her own interests, so they bring up the bride price and dowry at this time.
For example, some future mothers-in-law might say something like, "Your brother-in-law is taking the college entrance exam this year, and the family really doesn't have any extra money. You'll have to take care of things yourselves."
A prospective daughter-in-law is usually too embarrassed to speak up at this time, which is a mistake. If you don't speak up, people will take it as a yes, and it will be wrong of you to find fault with it later.
And what was the result? She ended up marrying him reluctantly, unable to complain because she had agreed to it herself. In this world, who wouldn't take advantage of a good deal? Even if someone offers something, they won't give it to you willingly if you don't fight for it. Afterwards, they'll say, "My son is so capable; he didn't spend a penny to get married, and his wife's family even paid for it." Then you'll be left to your own devices and feel miserable.
A woman who doesn't respect herself shouldn't expect her future in-laws to think highly of her. Therefore, she needs to be able to swallow her pride on crucial issues, and if necessary, be both defensive and offensive. She should take the initiative against her future in-laws who pretend not to hear; they can't be silent while she remains silent. Otherwise, it will be too late to fight for them at the wedding, and her in-laws will say, "Why didn't you say so earlier?" That one sentence will leave her speechless.
The sixth taboo: Don't bring money on your first visit (bringing a small gift like food is appropriate).
Sometimes when the young couple is together, they will discuss what gift to bring when they visit the man's family for the first time. If they can't think of anything, they simply send the gift in RMB.
Here's my advice: don't bring money. This isn't about being stingy; ladies, please see if the analysis below makes sense.
First, there's the question of how much. You say you don't know what the parents like, so giving some money seems more practical. But have you considered how much to give? What seems like a reasonable amount to you might be a drop in the bucket for your in-laws, and you might end up being labeled a stingy person—wouldn't that be unfair? Or conversely, you might want to give more, leaving them with no grounds for complaint. But have you thought about the future?
As the saying goes: what you give on your first visit is what you get. The more you give on your first visit, the higher their expectations of you will be in the future. To make things easier, let's use numbers to illustrate this.
You gave your parents a thousand yuan on their first visit, so you should have given them something in return for the New Year after the wedding, right? But then you just couldn't come up with a thousand yuan. What to do? Well, you gave them five hundred yuan instead. This is perfectly normal in your eyes, but your meddlesome in-laws twisted it—"You gave a thousand yuan on the first visit, how come you only give five hundred for the New Year after the wedding? Are you starting to disregard us old folks?"
Sisters, believe it or not, there really are families like this. Besides, in-laws aren't like your own parents; who knows what they're really thinking? It's better to avoid trouble. To prevent others from using this as a reference later, it's best to send a small gift the first time.
The above points are all directed at a specific type of person, so they are not applicable everywhere. Sisters, you also need to be discerning; sometimes, how you act depends on the person you're dealing with.
