American psychology professor Robert Epstein reviewed previous research on the "science of love" and summarized "Ten Techniques for Scientific Love." He also combined experiments to develop several specific practice methods, such as "soul gaze," exchanging secrets, and "mind reading," hoping to help people date scientifically and "sustainably."
First Technique: Emotional Stimulation
People are more likely to develop feelings for each other when they engage in activities together that evoke strong emotions. Activities that can evoke strong emotions include adventure, sports, or placing oneself in a dangerous situation. Epstein's exercise involved two people taking turns leaning backward, with the other catching them from behind, and then describing their feelings to each other.
Second move: Taking advantage of proximity
Physical proximity itself helps people develop feelings for each other. If two people consciously approach each other and intentionally allow the other into their personal space, they will quickly become intimate. Epstein's exercise involves two people standing about 1 meter apart, then closing the distance slightly every 10 seconds until they are almost touching.
The third method: Cultivating common ground
After analyzing research by behavioral economist Dan Allelli of Duke University and MIT, Epstein concluded that while people with vastly different backgrounds may be attracted to each other, they are more likely to become romantic partners with those similar to themselves—whether in terms of intelligence, background, or personal charm. Some studies have even found that sometimes simply mimicking someone can enhance feelings for each other. Epstein's method involves two people standing or sitting close together, freely moving their hands and feet while simultaneously mimicking each other's movements. The goal is for both to feel free to move, yet their actions should be coordinated.
Fourth method: Cultivating a sense of humor
Epstein cited a 1986 study by marriage counselors Janet Lauer and Robert Lauer, which suggested that in lasting and happy romantic relationships, couples frequently make each other laugh. Other studies have shown that women are more likely to be attracted to men who can make them laugh.
Fifth tip: Maintain a sense of novelty
Epstein said that research by Greg Strong, a psychologist at Florida State University, found that engaging in activities together that people have never done before can help strengthen relationships.
Sixth move: Relaxing psychological defenses
Constant vigilance often keeps people at arm's length. Relaxing one's guard at the right time and with the right person can greatly help cultivate a relationship. However, Epstein points out that trying to numb the nerves with alcohol to achieve this effect will only make one blind and weak. His suggested exercise is for two people to gently embrace, try to feel each other's breathing, and gradually synchronize their own. He says that after a few minutes, the two will feel as one.
Seventh tip: Be a tolerant and kind person
Numerous studies have demonstrated that people are drawn to kind and understanding individuals. If someone makes a conscious effort to change their behavior to accommodate one's needs, such as quitting smoking or drinking, people quickly develop a liking for them. Mutual tolerance between couples is also crucial for strengthening their relationship.
Eighth move: Physical contact
Simple touches can create a warm, comforting feeling; a gentle pat on the back has a magical effect, even when close enough to be not in direct contact. Research by Susan Speyer, a social psychologist at the University of Illinois, shows that sexual activity can also foster emotional intimacy, especially for women. However, Epstein warns that people easily mistake physical attraction for love, and this attraction can blind them to their partner's inner character.
Ninth Form: Self-Disclosure
After reviewing relevant research findings, Epstein stated that people's relationships deepen when they share their secrets with each other. Epstein proposed an exercise where both parties write down one important secret on a piece of paper, then exchange and discuss them; this process can continue until they have no more secrets to keep from each other.
Tenth move: Wholehearted dedication
Epstein cited research by Purdue University psychologist Himena Arieja, stating that mutual loyalty is a key factor in building a romantic relationship. People who are fickle themselves are often suspicious of their partners' behavior and lack trust; over time, this can cause fatal damage to the relationship.
