Women often have five major fantasies before marriage, believing that their relationship after marriage will be the same as during their courtship. They also believe that their husbands will continue to compromise in front of them, just as they did during courtship. In reality, these five fantasies are often the most harmful, causing women immense pain when faced with reality.
Fantasy 1: You will gradually get used to sharing each other's interests.
The truth: You thought you'd accept everything about each other because you love each other, taking his interests as your own. You fantasized about a harmonious and loving marriage. But after you were thrown off a stubborn horse and left battered and bruised, you no longer wanted to experience the thrill of riding together. Instead, you'd much rather curl up on the sofa at home, watching soap operas with your docile dog, while he scoffs at your interests.
Emotional Rescue: Instead of forcing yourself to share his interests, let your different interests provide endless fresh topics to discuss. Just be there for him when he needs you to share his joy or sorrow. Having your own independent emotional space will make both of you closer.
Fantasy 2: No matter what disagreements arise, you will always find a compromise.
Fact: You'll find that after marriage, your husband will argue with you over trivial matters, and you yourself will also become more petty.
Emotional Rescue: In arguments between couples, it's impossible to determine who's right and who's wrong, so don't expect to calmly find a compromise that satisfies both of you. Never expect him to be like you, eager to go home to visit his mother every weekend, nor should you force yourself to agree with the bad stock he's planning to buy. When disagreements arise, only when one party makes concessions and temporarily tolerates the situation can your relationship stop being filled with conflict. At this time, a peaceful mindset is more important than anything else!
Fantasy 3: You'll still be like before, chasing each other on the phone every day when you're temporarily separated due to business trips.
The truth is: After marriage, you only call him during discounted phone call times when you have nothing to do or something to discuss, and even then, it's just about the matter at hand, not the endless phone conversations you used to have. As for your husband, if you're traveling, I suggest you give up on the idea of always being able to reach him; he'll disappear like a rabbit released from its cage in the blink of an eye.
Emotional Rescue: Actually, what's wrong with that? Only by breathing freely can you ensure your health, and the same principle applies to marriage!
Fantasy 4: After marriage, you will enjoy cooking each other's favorite dishes and be happier to see him eat with relish than when you eat them yourself.
Fact: Unless one of you develop a genuine passion for cooking, you'll both eventually come to loathe it and dread washing the dishes afterwards. Some women even get angry when their husbands eat their favorite dishes without asking, suggesting that the idea of love as sustenance is just a fleeting pre-marital illusion.
Emotional Rescue: Marriage requires the joint effort of both partners, including managing your meals together. Try each of you cooking your own favorite dish for each meal, and then collaborate on a dish you both enjoy. This not only adds a lot of fun to life but is also the fairest way to solve cooking problems.
Fantasy 5: After marriage, you will still have long, all-night talks from time to time, just like before marriage.
The truth: After marriage, you discover that your husband seems to have said everything he wanted to say before the wedding. He always responds to your endless chatter with the shortest possible words, sometimes even ignoring you completely. Of course, you may have times when you talk all night, but those are more likely to be all-night arguments.
Emotional Rescue: Insufficient sleep is not good for physical or mental health, and a good night's sleep after a good sexual encounter is probably more enjoyable than a long, drawn-out conversation. If you really lack conversation, try going out to eat more often, or chatting while doing housework or watching TV. Alternatively, you can prepare a notebook to write down important things you want to say and leave it for your partner. Over time, when you look back, you'll find that your conversations are no less than those of long, drawn-out talks.
