Let's learn how to "softly complain": point out your needs without blaming or attacking the other person. For example: "Honey, I really need your help taking care of the kids on weekends, but you've been working every weekend for the past month." or "I really want to be cared for by you, but it seems like I'm always the one calling to check on you, and I'm the only one who remembers to send you gifts on holidays."
First, do not make attacks, but explain your own needs.
Harsh criticism often infuriates the other person. For example: "What's wrong with you? All you think about is work, you never think about me!" or "You never call me, you never think of sending me a gift on holidays, you only care about yourself!" Goodness, who could stand being spoken to like that?
Second, avoid generalizations and focus on specific behaviors.
A "hard criticism" would be something like, "You always break your promises and never take responsibility!" This would severely condemn someone's character and naturally provoke anger. A master of "soft complaining," on the other hand, would say, "We agreed to have dinner together tonight, but you made me wait for ages." In other words, they describe what happened, rather than stating a conclusion about their personality.
Third, emotions can be "talked about but not acted upon".
Most of the time, "talking the talk but not walking the walk" is not a smart approach. However, in close communication, when facing one's own negative emotions, the wisest approach is to "talk about" the emotions, rather than "act on" them. In other words, find ways to discuss your feelings with the other person, but don't actually put them into action.
For example, you could say, "I'm so angry I want to throw things!" After saying that, you've already expressed your true feelings, completely omitting the destructive act of throwing things.
Or, you could say, "What you just said is really unbearable, and I really want to run away." Right, don't just act on your feelings. You don't need to storm out; instead, stay and have a proper discussion with the other person about how you feel.
To give another example: "I have an impulse right now to yell at you to protect myself." Instead of actually saying hurtful things and blaming the other person, it's better to express your current feelings and motivations. This will prevent irreparable damage to the relationship and will actually enhance emotional communication between you.
While simply talking about your feelings won't make the problem disappear, it's a highly effective way to extend an invitation to intimacy. It's like handing the other person an invitation to connect, helping them understand your feelings and conveying the message: "My intention isn't to hurt you, but to get closer to you, giving them the opportunity to build a strong emotional bond."
The "soft complaining" communication method is indeed a good way to improve your relationship with your partner. In fact, the "soft complaining" we often see is an upgraded version of the common "flirting." If your partner can't accept this more subtle approach of "soft complaining," then flirt with him. Flirting is a way of expressing affection that no man can resist. So, the editor will teach you a few flirting tricks to make him increasingly inseparable from you.
1. Girls who are petty and cunning are the cutest.
Playing petty tricks is a double-edged sword. If you don't use them in a relationship, you might seem uninvolved, heartless, and lacking in "preparedness." However, if you overuse them, they can easily annoy others, making you like Lin Daiyu—constantly causing trouble and coughing up blood! So what's the safest approach? The safest way is to quickly turn anger into joy, like spring weather, or like a child who hasn't been weaned—worrying about every little sorrow and rejoicing in every little happiness.
2. Give him a nickname
Learn to give him a nickname that only the two of you know. It should be creative and fun, and then call him that.
3. Be a wild girlfriend
Pinch him, punch him, twist him, tear at him, bite him, poke him with your finger. Use these feminine gestures selectively. But be gentle; remember, you might hurt your boyfriend.
4. Occasionally unreasonable
Arguments are inevitable in any relationship. Next time you argue, try to win; make sure you prevail. Then, as a consolation prize, slip your defeated boyfriend a lollipop. This will help you forgive and forget, and will only make him love your unpredictable and adorable side even more.
5. Snuggling in his arms
When you're on a date, like in a movie theater, on a country road, or in an empty square, snuggling up to him and acting cute... it's a warm way to get closer to him, and a gentle expression of trust.
6. Remember to say "I hate it"
The word "hate" doesn't necessarily have only one meaning. It's a strange word that men in relationships love to hear because it represents intimacy and a hint of ambiguity. Not every man is qualified to hear it. For the female protagonist, saying this word is particularly satisfying, enjoyable, and has a wonderfully coquettish tone. If she drags out the last syllable, it becomes even more captivating.
7. Use more baby talk, such as reduplicated words.
Many people say that women in love have zero IQ. You might as well apply this to a relationship. Men like to see their beloved women undergo incredible changes under their "influence," such as becoming younger, more infatuated, or even silly.
8. Eating snacks
A girl's lips and tongue are easily bored, especially when she's in love. So, she often tilts her head to admire snacks, a scene often considered one of the happiest moments for a girl in love. Her boyfriend, sitting beside her, is definitely looking at her with loving eyes.
9. Chase running
For example, throw a pillow at him first, then run away. He will chase after you. You must be panicked but also enjoy it, laughing and joking, and screaming appropriately. Men will get excited. In short, the final result should have the effect of an eagle catching a chick. This is a game outcome that both parties want.
10. A vulnerable and helpless demeanor is more likely to arouse a man's protective instincts.
They make a fuss over nothing, as if they can't withstand any hardship. Even if you just attended a business meeting and won a ten-round verbal battle with your negotiating opponent, you still have to appear weak and helpless when you're with them, and even peeling a mantis shrimp seems like a struggle!
11. Pretend to be stupid
For example, she might ask a seemingly silly question: "Why are legs longer than arms?" Besides her voice and dimples, another reason Yang Yuying is considered "sweet" is that she asks seemingly silly questions: "How high is the sun? How many stars are there?"
12. Hong Kong and Taiwan accent
Hug me, please. I want it! Darling… (long vowel) Please be alright. I'm so cold… A well-crafted tone and intonation can rival a pair of large breasts, even surpassing a shapely bottom. Why did God give humans two ears? So they can hear more. Charm isn't just visual, it's also audible. The reason "pillow talk" is so persuasive is its high level of deceptiveness through sound; even in the idiom "indulging in sensual pleasures," sound is the first word. Understanding this, you won't be surprised why Karen Mok, despite not being conventionally beautiful, is so captivating. Use imperative sentences more often. However, one question can be used frequently: "Is it alright?"
13. Shake him.
Especially when you say "no" or are angry, using this body language will make a man helpless and obedient. Also, hanging your arms around his neck while talking is very effective.
