First, don't discuss his bad habits in public.
No one is perfect and everyone has some bad habits. When it comes to a man's bad habits, a woman can find time to talk to him alone, but she should not make his bad habits public, and even more so, she should not discuss his bad habits as a topic in front of friends or in public, so as not to embarrass him in front of outsiders.
Second, don't make sarcastic remarks when he sneaks glances at pretty women.
It's instinctive for a man to glance at a pretty woman while shopping with a woman; it doesn't mean he's unfaithful. At this time, a woman shouldn't be sarcastic or, more importantly, shouldn't argue with her man out of jealousy. Otherwise, the man will feel you're being unreasonable, making a mountain out of a molehill, or even that you're infringing on his freedom. Such pettiness can be suffocating for a man.
Third, don't compare his shortcomings to the strengths of other men.
People like to compare themselves to others, especially women. They may unconsciously use the strengths of other men to provoke their men's laziness in life. A woman's intention is not to show off how good other men are, but to hope that her own man can be more outstanding. Often, the result is that the man will retort to the woman, "If he's so good, you might as well break up with me and go be with him."
Fourth, do not criticize his mother in front of him.
What mother doesn't protect her son? What son doesn't love his mother? In a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship, the biggest conflict isn't about differing opinions on trivial matters, but rather the competition for the husband's affections. A mother hopes her son will treat her well, while a daughter-in-law hopes her husband will be more considerate of her feelings. Therefore, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are like rivals, secretly vying for favor. A clever daughter-in-law will appease her mother-in-law, while a foolish one will speak ill of her mother-in-law in front of her husband.
Fifth, don't keep urging him to get a promotion or change jobs.
Men in the workplace all aspire to promotion and wealth; when things aren't going well, they might consider changing jobs. However, when a man leaves his area of expertise or lacks skills, he's often left frustrated in his familiar field, waiting for an opportunity. At this point, when faced with ridicule, he might jokingly say, "Being an ordinary person is fine," but deep down, he still yearns for a promotion. Therefore, women shouldn't doubt a man's competitiveness or pressure him to seek a promotion or change jobs. In fact, when things aren't going well at work, he's more anxious than you are.
6. Don't completely negate what he does for the family.
There's a saying, "Even if there's no great achievement, there's still hard work." In contemporary society, it's undeniable that many women contribute more to the family than men. This isn't because men don't work hard, or because the timing isn't right, or because their abilities are limited, but they are certainly doing their best to contribute to the family. When a woman marries a man who is less capable, she should never say during an argument, "What have you done for our family?"
7. Don't nag him about his physical shortcomings.
Some men have body odor, some have bad breath, some experience hair loss or baldness, some are overweight, and some have performance issues. Men are often aware of these physical shortcomings, or they may be secretly seeking ways to address them, but sometimes they can't find the right solutions, so they continue to suffer. As a partner, you should pretend not to know about his physical limitations, or encourage him to seek treatment, rather than constantly criticizing him.
8. Don't peek at the contents of his phone.
Women often say, "There's nothing shameful on my phone; my husband can look at it freely." With this mindset, women also want their men to be transparent and open about their phone contents. In reality, men who are truly cheating don't have empty phones; only honest men have relatively rich content on their phones. When a man refuses to let his woman look at his phone, it's not because he has anything shameful, but because he wants to preserve a bit of self-respect and mystery.
9. Don't interfere too much with his leisure activities.
Men and women may sometimes share interests, but most of the time they don't. Many of a man's leisure activities seem "extremely boring" to a woman, just as many of a woman's leisure activities seem "expensive" to a man. If a couple can cultivate shared interests, that's great. If not, then the woman should accept the man's leisure time and not try to tie him to her waist.
10. Don't easily cheat on him.
Women can be disillusioned with marriage, and women can have affairs, but before doing so, they must think clearly about one thing: are they truly prepared to leave this marriage behind? If it's just a temporary thrill, it's best to restrain oneself. Don't think that infidelity can be kept secret; remember: if you don't want others to know, don't do it in the first place.
On the road to love, do you also have your own set of theories about love? Many classic sayings about love circulate in the world, and many people try to approach love according to these rigid theories, yet they don't see their ideal love arrive. In fact, these sayings about love shouldn't be rigidly applied to one's own life. The most important thing is your inner feeling; these theories are merely tools for reference.
1. If you love me, you should know what I need!
Misuse: Few girls haven't encountered this poisonous weed. During first love, boys often give their little princess the illusion of perfect harmony: when she's cold, he'll put a coat on her; when she's thirsty, he'll bring her a drink. But this doesn't last long. As the relationship stabilizes, the boy starts to drift off, while the girl falls into a guessing game—not telling him what she needs, expecting him to do it first. She thinks this is the true test of love.
Psychological Analysis: When she was young, her mother knew all her needs; those were the most beautiful times of her life. Upon finding her partner, she again felt that same meticulous care from her childhood, mistakenly believing him to be her ideal parent. Unfortunately, he only interpreted her needs according to his own. If there is common ground, it's mutual happiness; outside of that, there's room for compromise and adjustment.
Instructions: This theory only applies to areas where you already know each other well. If he's attentive, he'll pay attention to and care about your feelings. For areas he doesn't understand, it's your responsibility to tell him. Speak your mind. There are some thoughts you yourself may not even be aware of. He's not a god; if you don't speak up, how will he know?
2. As long as you love each other, you can have everything!
Inappropriate Use: Harboring girlish dreams, she unexpectedly encounters someone. To protect this love story, which resembles a movie plot, she is willing to break with her family, ignore the advice of her friends, disregard repeated reminders of reality, and continue weaving her beautiful dream with her eyes closed, refusing to wake up. In this love story, the female protagonist seems to possess extraordinary power, making all difficulties insurmountable.
Psychological Scan: Idol dramas instill many beautiful fantasies in us. If you cling to these fantasies and refuse to let go, you won't grow up. Coupled with a strong inclination towards the spiritual world, the chances of falling victim to these fantasies increase significantly. Girls who habitually avoid reality and have low levels of socialization are also more likely to become part of this group.
Instructions: Couples who say this usually share a common thread—their relationship has faced criticism from friends and family, so they use this phrase to encourage themselves and their partner. However, mutual affection is a necessary but not sufficient condition for intimacy. Because in the mundane realities of daily married life, the problems they face together are numerous and complex. The idea that "love can replace everything" stems from the naivety of adolescence, when love seemed vast and the world small. It might be more suitable for those who only date and don't intend to marry.
3. Women are born to be pampered!
Improper use: You don't want to work; you sleep until you naturally wake up every day; you only do things you like, such as shopping, chatting with friends at bars, or watching a few trendy movies. Your boyfriend or husband must absolutely obey your commands; his mission is to satisfy your needs. In your world, you are the only protagonist, and your partner is just a "background" to complement you.
Psychological scan: You are either a spoiled princess who has never learned the important lesson of "caring for others" and whose focus is always on yourself; or a child who lacked love from a young age and now seeks every opportunity to compensate—if your parents didn't give you enough love, can't you love yourself?
Operation Guide: For girls who are overly selfless and lack a sense of self, use this phrase to remind yourself to love yourself more and create more opportunities for those around you to give back. However, if you're already quite narcissistic, that's a different story. Furthermore, Junichi Watanabe said that the prerequisite for a man to give his whole heart is that the woman must pamper him 100%.
4. Women don't love men who aren't a little bad!
Misuse: Despite having many refined gentlemen pursuing you, you always find them boring. Conversely, when you encounter "rascals" or naturally charming playboys, you are hopelessly attracted, knowing full well that it's a difficult path, yet you're still determined to "go against the tide." This causes honest boys to want to act cool, which in turn provides many girls with a theoretical justification, making their mistakes seem perfectly justified.
Psychological analysis: "Bad boys" can evoke a girl's primal maternal instincts, making her reluctant to abandon this "street kid." Her love is largely based on pity. Some well-behaved girls harbor rebellious thoughts they dare not act upon, but bad boys can fulfill them for them. Especially their unpredictable behavior satisfies their desire to defy convention.
Operation Guide: It's possible that behind your falling in love with his "bad" side lies a hidden good intention to make him better. A very small number of lucky girls do manage to win back a wayward man with their kindness and gentleness, but most girls are destined to fall into a trap of entanglement. Your efforts will fail time and time again, and your sincerity will be eroded time and time again. Therefore, you need to consider your own capabilities and resilience, and how long you can tolerate the blows he delivers when he tests your limits.
5. I don't care about forever, I only care about having had it!
Inappropriate Use: While this slogan may no longer be fashionable, many girls' actions suggest that they still subscribe to the "live for the moment" mentality. She seems deeply invested in love, disregarding the opinions of others, the future, and even the pain of others. Conversely, the less others approve or bless her, the more determined she becomes to see the relationship through to the end. The reality is, how many girls can truly enter and exit a relationship so gracefully and emerge unscathed?
Psychological analysis: Rather than being recklessly devoted to love, it's more accurate to say that a subconscious desire for acquisition and possession drives you to seek intense feelings. Like a child playing with a toy, you feel like you own the whole world as soon as you get your hands on it. After a while, the novelty wears off, and you set your sights on a new target. Furthermore, a competitive spirit also plays a role; you need to prove yourself unique and attract attention.
Operation Guide: Truly mature relationships are long-lasting. Love requires full commitment, but if you don't treat this relationship with a long-term perspective, all you'll have left is painful memories.
6. Men are all the same!
Misuse: Once she has this perception, every man who appears in her life will have some flaws. She lacks confidence in her own love life, making men who approach her feel inferior, and instilling fear of the future in other women. On the surface, it's a rejection of men, but in reality, she doubts her own luck in finding her ideal partner.
Psychological analysis: Such individuals may have unconsciously inherited painful family histories or passively learned lessons from the unfortunate experiences of their female friends, growing up in an environment where men are often complained about, naturally leading to this mindset. At the same time, complaining about men also brings them certain benefits. On one hand, they can shirk responsibility for failed relationships; on the other hand, in their interactions with the opposite sex, the other party will be more mindful of their behavior to avoid being proven right by their complaints.
Operation Guide: The phrase "When you encounter someone you shouldn't love," can be used as a shield. But broadening the scope only isolates you. Nothing in this world is absolute. The best way to find a good man is to become a good enough woman and possess the discerning eye to see the good in others.
7. Marriage is the tomb of love.
Misuse: So many people around me, after getting married, find their lives lacking vitality and romance, and they become vulgar and unbearable. No wonder their husbands go out to find soulmates. You don't want to become a haggard housewife; you want to preserve the feeling of being in love, because once he enters marriage, he won't cherish you anymore.
Psychological Analysis: Many people fear intimacy, afraid it will bring unhappiness and pain. So they protect themselves, finding a reason to hover around the "walled city" of marriage, hesitant to step inside. Others can't imagine how boring it would be to stay with one person for years. There are so many wonderful experiences yet to be had, so many possibilities waiting to be realized.
Operational Guidelines: The key is not whether you get married, but whether you can maintain the interaction you had when you were dating. Also, we are all imperfect, so don't expect marriage to be perfect. This theory isn't about rejecting marriage, but about accepting the fact of imperfection!
8. Older men know how to take care of people.
Misuse: Treating men your own age as immature and inexperienced, while being drawn to older, more mature men, fantasizing about being able to be spoiled, unreasonable, and demanding in their company; not having to worry about anything in life because they'll always be there to remind and care for you; and receiving effective advice at work and in interpersonal relationships, helping you avoid pitfalls. However, as you "grow up," his advantages may disappear, and your dissatisfaction will only grow. Or perhaps he only appears mature on the outside but is a playful old man at heart; such a marriage is bound to end in misunderstanding.
Psychological Analysis: The term "father complex" is widely used, and indeed, many girls who were pampered by their fathers in childhood may become dependent on older men as adults, attempting to recapture and replicate their past happiness. Some girls, seeing their mothers working tirelessly every day and hearing their mothers complain about their fathers' lack of care, secretly resolve not to repeat their mothers' suffering. In these cases, age becomes a factor in choosing a partner.
Operation Guide: The ability to care for others is determined by a person's upbringing and inherent traits, regardless of age. Furthermore, some people, while receiving meticulous care and feeling fulfilled, may also feel constrained, realizing they need not only a "father" but also a vibrant partner. At the same time, no matter how old a man is, there's always a "child" inside him yearning for maternal love, waiting to be comforted. Therefore, regardless of the age difference, you'll need to act as a "mother" from time to time.
How can I make love theories work for me?
If the boat moves on and the sword stops, you won't see the sword's reflection in the new water. Similarly, rigid theories, when applied to real-life love, will only bring regret and pain. True happiness in love isn't about finding someone who fits your theoretical standards, but about being able to understand and apply theories correctly with an open mind, based on your inner feelings, regardless of the situation. Let the theory serve your love, not bind it. Then, strive for a positive outcome. Remember: never mistakenly believe that any theory is the sole explanation for love; it's merely a tool for reference, nothing more.
