In 2014, 10,402 couples separated, an average of 28 couples per day. The imagined marriage differs from the real marriage; disappointment and disillusionment are the main causes of divorce. Today, let's talk about marriage.
1. The imagined marriage: After marriage, I will never be attracted to anyone.
Reality: This is fantasy. Scientific research shows that dopamine levels peak less than 30 months on average, and you and your partner will still encounter people who stir your heart. To resist this temptation, you can only rely on your daily efforts. The care and support you give each other increases the difficulty of ending your marriage.
II. The Ideal Marriage: After marriage, the girl will finally have someone to rely on. When I'm angry, he'll comfort me. When I'm lonely, he'll keep me company. When I'm troubled, he'll listen to my troubles. Even if I don't work, he can support me.
The reality is that everyone is an independent individual within a relationship. This applies to spouses, parents and children, siblings, and friends alike. For example, if you're having troubles and he/she is at work, and you call and talk on and on, it will only worsen the mood for both of you.
The best option is to process your troubles yourself first, and then talk to the other person when they are in the mood and have the time to listen. You need to understand that even if two people grow old together, one of them will eventually pass away, and the remaining person will still have to face life alone.
Third, the imagined marriage: After marriage, have children as soon as possible. The sooner the better, since you're going to have children anyway.
Reality: If you and your partner aren't ready to have children, please don't rush into it because of your parents' opinions, or because of your age. Believe that the arrival of a new life is absolutely one of the biggest events in your life! It's not as simple as adding another pair of chopsticks. Ask yourself, even without financial security, can you raise him/her to be an excellent person?
Fourth, my ideal marriage: After marriage, I am willing to live with my partner's parents. To love him is to love his family and accept everything about him.
Reality: Social relationships should be based on the marital relationship. After marriage, the couple forms an independent small family, relying on and supporting each other, not on parents or children. Only under this premise can marital affection and extended family relationships be healthy and orderly, preventing unbelievable problems like mother-in-law/daughter-in-law conflicts or father-in-law/son-in-law clashes. Remember, a family can only have one matriarch.
Fifth, the imagined marriage: Marry a rich man and avoid ten years of hardship. Marry a beautiful, rich, and successful woman and avoid ten years of struggle.
Reality: If you need money, you can marry a wealthy person, but don't make wealth the only criterion. Also, remember that only he/she has the right to control his/her money; think of Rikako from "Hirugao".
VI. My ideal marriage: My wife will take care of everything at home, cook delicious meals, wash the dishes, iron shirts, and keep the house bright and clean. She'll also occasionally cut some fruit and bring it to my computer.
Reality: You're looking for a wife, not a mother or a nanny. What era are we living in? Ask yourself honestly, is her job easier than yours? Does she face less societal pressure than you? Could your family function normally without her salary?
If the answer to both is no, why would she come back and shoulder all the housework alone? You know, when you married her, you must have said that you would take good care of her for the rest of your life.
7. My Ideal Marriage: If I see a dress that costs half a month's salary, he'll secretly buy it for me as a surprise. We'll travel every year and have candlelight dinners at upscale restaurants every weekend. I'll receive precious gifts on every holiday. He'll give me his salary card, and I can spend it however I want.
Reality: Marriage is, to some extent, more like a partnership. The family is your project, and ensuring that the returns outweigh the costs is your primary concern. You must have a family account for unforeseen circumstances, as a family will face more expenses than an individual.
The idea of spending money however you want will only leave you starving. If a man tells you he has 100 yuan left, he'll buy you 90 yuan worth of clothes and 10 yuan left for food, then that man is brainless.
8. My imagined marriage: Oh my god, just thinking about being with my sweetheart makes me so happy. He has an amazing figure, dresses very fashionably, and is very funny. Everything he does is adorable.
Reality: Haha. After marriage, you'll find that he's also someone who farts, poops, burps, and snores. Ninety percent of the jokes are just recycled material. Li Ao said that seeing Hu Yinmeng sitting on the toilet, grimacing, shattered his perfect image.
This is a very ordinary scene in life. You might open your eyes and find that he has sleepy eyes and bad breath. So, marriage will make your loved one lose their luster. Are you ready?
9. My ideal marriage: When I'm angry, I can say whatever I want. After all, couples always make up after a fight. If arguing doesn't solve the problem, we can just cool off and have a cold war. Let's see who wins.
Reality: Saying harsh words can be very satisfying, but it really hurts feelings, and it's not a simple matter of saying them and then forgetting about it. You say one harsh thing, and the other person will retaliate with something even harsher. This vicious cycle makes it almost impossible to determine who is right and who is wrong.
A cold war is a worse option, because if it continues in the cold, it might really become a cold war. In the end, you'll eat separately, sleep separately, and do your leisure time separately. No relationship can withstand face-to-face indifference.
10. The imagined marriage: Everyone is imperfect. If he loves me, he will naturally change for me after we get married. Isn't marriage supposed to be about two people adjusting to each other? That is to say, there must be change.
Reality: First, ask yourself if you can change some of your habits for him. For example, he likes to eat at home on weekends, then go hiking together, and then cook a simple dinner together. After dinner, he might want to play some games. You, on the other hand, would prefer to go out for a meal on the weekend, then go shopping, then pick a charming little restaurant for another meal, followed by a movie. Who will compromise? Who will adjust to whom? Don't try to change someone; only think about how to find common ground while respecting differences.
In conclusion, marriage is neither a tomb nor a paradise; it's about the constant flow of everyday life and the mundane routines. Cherish every moment.
