Scenario Recreation 1
On Christmas Eve, in the crowded square, you, already fuming because of his lateness, finally burst into tears over a single, annoying remark. He awkwardly avoided the stares of passersby while frantically trying to comfort you: "Don't cry, I'm sorry, okay?"
What he really wanted to say was, "Stop crying. Everyone's watching. It's so embarrassing. I'll agree to all your requests. We'll talk about who's right and who's wrong when we get back."
You can do this
1. Don't use "break up" as a trump card. When both parties are emotionally charged, if you say "break up," the other person is likely to say "okay." At this point, not only will you not get a sincere apology, but you may also cut off all your options. Therefore, unless you really decide to end the relationship, don't easily say "break up."
2. Be mindful of the occasion when arguing. If you dislike a man's appeasement-style apology, then pay attention to the setting. If you argue in public or in front of his friends and colleagues, he'll likely choose this approach because he simply doesn't want to lose face.
Scenario Recreation 2
Another identical argument. Over the past ten years, you've argued countless times with similar questions and similar tones. When you point out his mistakes in a similar tone, he responds with a similar "apology" like a seasoned veteran: "If you say I'm wrong, then I'm wrong."
What he really wanted to say was: "I've had enough of your nagging, and I don't mind if you get angry, lose your temper, or cry. Even if you're wrong, I don't want to correct it. Do whatever you want."
You can do this
1. Adhere to the principle of "no argument lasting overnight".
It's important to understand that what damages relationships most isn't a momentary outburst of anger, but rather emotions that have been bottled up for a long time. The former is temporary and easily dispelled, while the latter tends to solidify and become a knot in the heart. Therefore, no matter how exhausting the argument may be, the problem should be resolved on the same day.
2. Set a "day for revisiting old grievances." While revisiting past issues can easily damage relationships, drastic measures are often the most effective for long-standing problems. When both parties are exhausted from arguing, too lazy to find solutions, and unwilling to communicate anymore, it's best to force yourselves to confront the "old grievances" and sit down together to talk about them from the beginning. This serves as a way to vent emotions and also helps to identify the root cause of the argument, ultimately resolving the problem.
Scenario Recreation 3
You'd just finished arguing with him, and you immediately started contributing to the nation's telecommunications industry: calling your in-laws, your parents, and all the relatives and friends you both know, crying and telling them how awful he is and how pitiful you are. So, under immense pressure, he bowed his head and apologized, saying, "Everyone says it's my fault, what else can I say?"
What he really wanted to say was, "This was originally a matter between two people, what's the big deal? Why did you have to make it known to the whole world?"
You can do this
1. Find a virtual family member. This could be a diary, a blog, or a phone memo—basically, someone you can confide in. It should be private, allowing you and your partner to maintain privacy in front of family and friends; yet, it should also be storable, so you can show it to them after you've calmed down, letting them know how you feel and asking for their feedback. This helps you both sort out the issues and find solutions, and they will be touched by your thoughtfulness and intelligence.
2. Give him a way to turn things around. If a man's apology is due to pressure from relatives and friends, he will feel he has lost face in front of his family and will hold a grudge against you. Therefore, give him a way to turn things around and allow him to regain face in front of relatives and friends. He will then face the issue that caused the argument with a more sincere attitude.
Scenario Recreation 4
You relentlessly pursued the matter after finding an anonymous, suggestive text message on your husband's phone. Finally, you uncovered the truth: he had given his phone number to a stranger during a social engagement. He admitted his mistake: "I was wrong, but aren't you in the right?"
What he really wanted to say was, "I admit I was wrong in this matter, but you also have a problem because you got angry without communicating with me. It's not fair that only I apologize."
You can do this
1. Give the argument a break. Generally speaking, men who can apologize in this way are somewhat stubborn, and it's impossible to expect them to soften the mood with gentle words. A smart woman should set a pause: when the argument gets heated, the two should separate for a while or change the subject. Once both have calmed down, they can communicate again, and the advantage of a reasonable man will become apparent.
2. Appropriate coquetry is a big plus. This kind of man usually responds better to gentleness than force. If you say something pitiful at the right time, such as "You're just bullying me" or "Can't you give in to me this once?", his apology will definitely be more sincere.
Boys are indeed not as sensitive as girls when it comes to expressing their emotions. Even if they love a girl very much, they don't know how to express it. Besides the subtext in "I'm sorry," you, as his girlfriend, must also be aware of the subtext in other ways.
1. He said, "Karen Mok has a great figure!"
The subtext: "Karen Mok has a great figure!" This statement itself doesn't imply anything else. He's simply stating a fact, not comparing you to her, being sarcastic, or saying he prefers Karen Mok's figure. He's just stating a plain statement.
2. He said, "Are you planning to go shopping this weekend?"
Subtext: I really want to go shopping with you, but I'm too shy to ask you out, so I hope you understand my hint. If a boy is interested in you, sometimes he'll invite you out in a roundabout way to avoid the embarrassment of rejection.
3. He said, "If you really like me, you will..."
Subtext: I'm a selfish person. I think I can easily make my girlfriend do things she doesn't want to do so that I can show off to my friends without spending a penny.
4. He said, "I love you."
The subtext: He loves you (at this moment). Boys aren't as good at playing emotional games as girls. So if he says "I love you," nine times out of ten he's serious. He might not mean "forever," but at that moment, he's definitely expressing how strongly he feels about you.
