Netizen @小李飞脚 asked:
Hi Xiao Jiu, I've been married for two years and my relationship with my wife is good, but there's a persistent problem: our sex life isn't very harmonious, or rather, we have different views.
I remember on Valentine's Day, I bought her flowers after work, and the atmosphere was quite nice. I originally wanted to strike while the iron was hot, do it first, then take a shower, but my wife insisted on a shower first, lighting aromatherapy, accompanied by red wine and music . She often does this; by the time everything is ready, my libido has almost completely vanished. It's truly a bitter pill to swallow…
I've been through this kind of thing too many times. Do you really think it's necessary for her to be so " well- prepared"?
1. What are the differences between men and women in their attitudes toward sex?
Sex is an innate instinct, but different genders have different sexual attitudes.
The American healthcare website WebMD analyzed the "sexual differences" between men and women. Edward O. Laumann , a sociology professor at the University of Chicago and lead author of "Sexual Behavior Society: Sexual Behavior in America," stated that "women are more sensitive to their environment and atmosphere," and shared several important differences.
1. Men are more eager
A study by Roy Baumeister, a social psychologist at Florida State University, found that men experience sexual arousal more naturally and have more frequent and diverse fantasies. While the frequency of fantasies decreases with age for both men and women, men still fantasize twice as often as women.
2. Women's feelings are more complex.
What excites a woman? It seems even women themselves can't explain it.
Northwestern University researcher Meredith Chivers showed videos to gay and heterosexual men and women and recorded their arousal responses using a measuring device. The results showed that heterosexual men were more interested in heterosexual and lesbian content, while gay men were more responsive to homosexual content.
The results of the women's experiment were surprising—their reactions to the three scenarios were almost identical.
3. Women's impulses are more easily influenced.
Roy Baumeister reviewed previous research and found that, in many ways, women's sexual attitudes, behaviors, and desires are more influenced by their environment than men's . For example, women with higher education are more receptive to different kinds of sexual knowledge; and women are also influenced by the attitudes of their peers when making certain sexual decisions.
4. Women's feelings are not as direct.
Men and women achieve desire through different means. Esther Perel, a psychotherapist in New York City, states that women's desires are more often derived from what they hear. For women, desire is more situational, subjective, and emotionally nuanced, requiring imagination and emotional stimulation; while men rely less on imagination, and their desires are simpler and more direct.
Because men and women have different views on sex, misunderstandings can occur between couples. The most important thing at this time is to establish good communication, calmly discuss topics or issues related to sex, and avoid blaming or complaining about your partner, or comparing them to others; otherwise, the situation will only worsen.
Second, sexually transmitted diseases deserve more attention!
More than differences in attitudes, sexually transmitted diseases deserve our attention .
Data released by the World Health Organization shows that more than one million new cases of sexually transmitted diseases are diagnosed every day among people aged 15 to 49 worldwide . If left untreated, these can lead to serious chronic health problems.
There are eight sexually transmitted diseases that are subject to legally mandated prevention and control in my country, including syphilis, gonorrhea, HIV/AIDS, chancroid, lymphogranuloma venereum, non-gonococcal urethritis, condyloma acuminata, and genital herpes.
syphilis
Syphilis can generally be divided into four stages: primary syphilis, secondary syphilis, latent syphilis, and advanced syphilis. If left untreated, it can lead to serious complications and even death.
gonorrhea
The vast majority of male patients experience burning sensation during urination , purulent discharge, testicular pain or swelling a week after infection; while women experience painful urination, increased discharge, itching, abnormal menstrual bleeding, etc.
AIDS
Caused by the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), it attacks the human immune system, gradually causing people to lose their ability to fight off diseases.
chancroid
Caused by Haemophilus ducreyi infection, it manifests as multiple painful ulcers in the genital area, often accompanied by purulent lesions of the inguinal lymph nodes.
Lymphogranuloma venereum
Caused by chlamydia infection, the initial symptoms include genital sores and local lymphadenopathy. As the disease progresses, symptoms such as elephantiasis and rectal stenosis may appear.
Nongonococcal urethritis
It is caused by Chlamydia trachomatis, Ureaplasma urealyticum, Chlamydia, fungi, and Trichomonas infections, and is relatively common. Clinically, it may or may not be asymptomatic.
Genital warts and genital herpes
Caused by human papillomavirus (HPV) infection, it mainly manifests as proliferative lesions in the genital area.
To stop sexually transmitted diseases, we must start by cutting off the transmission routes.
People who are sexually active should use condoms correctly, have a fixed partner, and undergo a sexually transmitted infection (STI) test once a year. The test usually includes tests for syphilis, genital infections, urethral infections, and HIV. When changing partners, it is recommended that both partners undergo a basic physical examination. Diseases can also be prevented through vaccination and taking certain medications.
People have the right to pursue sex, but they must also be responsible for their own and others' health. If they abandon their "bottom line" for momentary pleasure, they will only regret it in the end.
References:
[1]Sex Drive: How Do Men and Women Compare? , Medically Reviewed by Brunilda Nazario, WebMD, August 22, 2013
[2] Common sexually transmitted diseases and their treatment. Drugs and medication safety. 2017-07-13
[3] WHO says more than 1 million new cases of sexually transmitted diseases are occurring every day, with a worrying situation for adolescents. Chinese Journal of Circulation, 2019-07-07
