Successful men are more likely to attract women because it implies they are of superior quality. But does a young woman and an older man falling in love and holding hands mean they'll "live happily ever after"? To paraphrase a line from the movie *The Grandmaster*: If life were only that simple, how boring it would be, and there would be no thrill of "fighting against heaven, earth, and man."
Besides, these days, older men aren't just simple people with money and a naive mind, and young women won't just be happily obedient after being given a bunch of luxury clothes and bags. Everyone has a need to explore more possibilities within the relationship. So, dating an older man isn't easy; you need to have some serious skills to back it up.
Not only must one be beautiful, but one must also have a heart as vast as the sky. What does "a heart as vast as the sky" mean? In two words: tolerance.
Young girls might pout and protest: "Isn't the reason I date an older man because he's mature, stable, reliable, and can endlessly tolerate me?" Theoretically, yes, and in reality, it's true most of the time. In a woman's nature and primal desires, regardless of age, she hopes to find someone who can protect her, who is strong and responsible, like a father, and who can give her care, tenderness, and a sense of security.
Tall, steady men are more attractive.
When looking for a partner, most girls already have an ideal image in their minds: he must be strong, stable, and have personal charm… These requirements are easily projected onto successful, mature men, while younger, fresh-faced men of the same age are eliminated. Besides, it's so much easier to place one's expectations of maturity on someone else. With so much pressure in today's society, the unspoken thought in many young women is, "If I rely on myself to grow step by step, whether materially or spiritually, it will be exhausting."
All of the above is understandable; the older man might even enjoy the sense of accomplishment and value that comes from this dependence and reliance. However, girls should remember one thing: no matter what age a man is, there's always a "Peter Pan" inside him—a mischievous boy who refuses to grow up. In relaxed and intimate relationships, "Peter Pan" will appear; he'll be innocent, childish, naughty, unreasonable, and even unreasonable… "Learn to be tolerant, even if the other person is older than you," Yu Lingyan, a postdoctoral fellow in the Department of Psychology at Tsinghua University, reminds women dating older men. Considering things from the other person's perspective and respecting and understanding their needs will help the relationship go further.
Having parents, an older brother, or a father is not as good as having your own! In short, you need to make yourself strong as quickly as possible within this relationship.
All relationships are subject to aesthetic fatigue. Like other relationships, the initial attraction between an older man and a younger woman is undoubtedly due to a striking characteristic in each other—a woman's looks and youthful energy, a man's wealth and charisma. However, everyone has a psychological "sensory threshold," which directly leads to the human tendency to tire of the old and crave the new. No matter how beautiful a flower is, after three to five years of continuous viewing, it will become commonplace and even tiresome. Gao Xiaosong initially praised Xi Youmi as a "blank canvas" into which he could pour his soul, but in the end, didn't he still discard his "masterpiece"? Even though she had become his ideal, as time passed and the "sensory threshold" increased or changed, problems would still arise if they didn't establish "new points of attraction or compatibility in their relationship."
Fortunately, Xi Youmi timely transformed herself into an inspirational role model for divorced women—establishing a clothing design brand and becoming a unique and independent fashion designer and blogger. She made a successful comeback and is living a different life. However, if she had made these changes while still married, she might not have suffered the fate of being divorced.
Of course, to put it another way: driven by aesthetic fatigue and the human tendency to tire of the old and crave the new, there's a good chance the older man could also be abandoned. Hopefully, it's not because the young woman has found another, newer, more exciting older man, but rather because her Oedipus complex, her desire for protection, has been satisfied, and she has grown independent and strong enough, both materially and emotionally. She has become someone who can bring herself happiness and fulfillment; having an older man or other men is better, but not having one is just as good. As Yu Lingyan said, "Whoever grows from basic material needs to a higher spiritual or emotional level first will have a stronger sense of security."
Whoever engages in excessive control first loses.
Does having a wife or girlfriend much younger than yourself help older men live longer? There is a theoretical basis for this. An American psychologist once conducted an experiment: he placed a group of women in their 70s in a house they had lived in when they were 50 years old. Everything in the house—decorations, food, newspapers—was exactly the same as when they were 50. After a period of time, their physical responses were measured, and they were the same as when they were 50.
"Aging is partly due to the natural physiological laws of birth, aging, illness, and death, and partly due to our psychological lifespan," said Dong Rufeng. He explained that some people are only in their 30s but live like they're 50, or that some people have found a younger girlfriend and are like an "older car"—even though driving at 70 mph is a bit strenuous, they still try their best to accommodate her. With this kind of psychological motivation, their bodies will, to some extent, cooperate, rejuvenating them. This is the so-called effect of "mindset."
However, despite the rejuvenation, the physiological reality remains that older men age faster than younger women. Therefore, jealousy becomes a problem for some older men to address. "Jealousy stems from insecurity. Physiologically, the younger partner has an advantage, and men fear that women will have increasing opportunities and that they can't keep up. This mentality can lead to excessive control, suspicion, and even violence."
Similarly, excessive control can also occur with young girls. At a deeper level in this relationship, they have an innate distrust from the start: if you could leave your ex for me, you could also leave me for someone else. The more distrustful they are, the more they want to hold on; the more they try to control the other person, the more they want to escape.
"When you don't try to control something, you're less likely to lose control," Dong Rufeng said. He explained that when people try to control others, they are simultaneously controlled by that very "feeling of wanting to control." Regardless of whether someone is older or younger, "mature people tend to know what they want and won't place too much pressure for happiness and fulfillment in their lives on emotions or others. Relationships are more likely to last for people who can take responsibility for their own lives."
So, it's best not to hold onto the older man too tightly; playing hard to get might be a more suitable strategy.
A reporter interviewed ten single women, both young and older, and the answers were strikingly similar: "If I were to find a partner, I would want someone mature, reserved, cultured, wealthy, sentimental, and with a stable career..." Isn't this exactly the typical characteristic of an older man?
There are three things considered desirable about older men: maturity, forbearance, and ease of wooing. Compared to the rough edges of younger men, older men possess an irresistible charm. They are steady and tolerant, exuding the gentleness and depth of elders, making them irresistible to any young woman seeking security. However, it's well known that most older men have had complex romantic histories, making them not easy to win over. Today, we're offering a "Guide to Understanding Older Men" specifically for all the ladies who are "adult man enthusiasts," allowing you to pursue your ideal older man with a clear goal and plan, successfully completing your mission to happiness!
Target Analysis:
Age: 30-45 years old
"Middle-aged men" generally have their own careers, some savings, and relatively rich life experience. They know how to appreciate beautiful women and also how to take care of young girls. This age group accounts for 40% of the national population, meaning that two out of every five people you know are such "middle-aged men"—but a word of caution: find out their marital status first.
Dating experience:
According to a survey, 60% of older men have had more than three romantic relationships; 39% have dated 1-3 girlfriends; and the remaining 1%... are probably exceptional. It's important to understand that an older man's attentiveness and sense of security are closely related to his past relationships. So, if you're planning to date an older man, don't be too concerned about his past.
A. A cunning and reserved uncle:
Characteristic sketch: Everything about him is a mystery. You seem to get close to him, but you can't get into his heart. Although the older man is good in every way, if you encounter a cunning one, you really can't handle him, so it's best to leave.
Conquest Difficulty: ★★★★★
B. Passionate and Angry Uncle
Characteristic sketch: This type of middle-aged man loves to follow trends and enjoys being on the go, traveling extensively. They like using Weibo, listening to music, and reading; they are liberals who dare to express their thoughts.
Conquest Difficulty: ★★★★
C. Gentle and Artistic Uncle:
Characteristic sketch: This type of older man tends to be a homebody; they maintain healthy lifestyle habits and their emotions are relatively stable. To win over this type of man, try winning over his stomach and creating a warm, family-like atmosphere for him.
Conquest Difficulty: ★★★
D. The domineering career man:
Characteristic Sketch: A successful career man with both charisma and presence usually takes a rational approach, and many are workaholics. When he gets serious about his work, he's absolutely captivating! If you meet such a man, you must be humble and act like an innocent and pure young lady, using a naive and cute way to win him over.
Conquest Difficulty: ★★★★
