01 After four years of a sexless marriage, the husband cheated on her.
I am 36 years old this year and have been married to my husband for 6 years. It is really hard to talk about my marriage.
My husband was someone my mother arranged for me to meet through a blind date. He's two years older than me, a graduate student, and owns his own company. His family is also well-off; his parents are business owners. After the blind date, he pursued me ardently. I'm not young anymore and didn't want to go through any more trouble, so I agreed to be with him.
I married him when I was 30, and gave birth to our son a year later. I thought that having a child would make our relationship better, but I didn't expect that we would start arguing and having cold wars two years after our marriage, and eventually we started sleeping in separate beds.
Sometimes I think that maybe we never had a foundation of affection, and I feel very relaxed and comfortable sleeping in separate beds. He's a man, and he also has physical needs. Sometimes after a cold war, he wants to be intimate with me, but I always refuse, and then he stops bothering me.
For four years, we barely had sex. I thought that since we were family and had a child, he wouldn't cheat on me without sex, but reality slapped me hard in the face.
Seeing his chat history with other people on WeChat, I realized that I was the only one suffering through these four years of a sexless marriage, while he was having fun outside.
When I confronted him, he brazenly claimed that I hadn't fulfilled my duties as a wife and that I could only blame myself. I don't have the courage to divorce him. This family is in such a state now; I really don't know what to do.
02 A sexless marriage forced me to have my first extramarital affair.
I was born in the mid-1980s into an ordinary family. I have established myself in a first-tier city through my own efforts. I have a well-proportioned figure, a pretty face, and a good temperament. I usually enjoy fitness.
After marriage, my husband and I were both very busy with work, and our feelings for each other faded over time, resulting in a long-term sexless marriage.
After eight years of marriage , my husband and I still love each other, but we no longer have sex, and that's the root of everything.
After nearly six years of a sexless marriage, with only three bland sexual encounters a year on average, I began to suffer from frequent endocrine disorders and insomnia. A sexless marriage doesn't necessarily lead to infidelity, but as Freud said, "Sexual desire is the driving force of everything."
When I met C, an entrepreneur who was six years younger than me , on social media , I suddenly realized that my body still needed the continuation of its original driving force.
Although I still love my husband, children, and family, that positive, optimistic, handsome young man with a sexy voice still attracted my attention, and I couldn't stop myself from falling for him...
The fast pace of life and the immense pressure of life and work have led to an increasing number of young couples living in sexless marriages, and many marriages have ended because of this "invisible" nature.
First, prolonged abstinence from sexual activity is harmful to both physical and mental health.
A good marriage cannot exist without the embellishment of a sex life. If the couple has no sex for a long time, it will not only damage their relationship, but also cause psychological and physical harm.
From a physiological perspective, women who do not have sexual intercourse for a long time are prone to frigidity and endocrine disorders.
Prolonged asexuality can lead to a decline in the spinal cord's ability to generate impulses, and may even cause a gradual aversion to sex, ultimately resulting in frigidity, difficulty in generating sensation in response to stimulation, and may also be accompanied by dryness and other issues.
Furthermore, regular sexual activity can stimulate a woman's ovaries to secrete estrogen and regulate her endocrine system, while prolonged abstinence can easily lead to endocrine disorders. Studies have shown that sexual activity can delay the onset of menopause and alleviate the discomfort associated with it.
For men, prolonged abstinence from sex increases the risk of erectile dysfunction.
A study published in the *American Journal of Medicine* found that men who are sexually abstinent for extended periods, or who deliberately suppress their sexual desire, are more prone to erectile dysfunction. This is because when a man experiences sexual desire, the brain receives information and sends instructions to stimulate the pituitary gland. However, men who suppress their desire for a long time may find their organs unfamiliar with this stimulation, leading to symptoms such as slower response or erectile dysfunction.
From a psychological perspective, women who are sexually asexual for a long period may experience mood swings and instability, leading to negative emotions such as irritability and depression. Similarly, it can be very impactful on the mental health of men; normal adult men who are sexually asexual for an extended period may become anxious, irritable, and unable to concentrate.
Marriage requires not only emotional connection but also a healthy sex life to enhance intimacy. Prolonged periods without sex can harm both partners' physical and mental well-being, leading many marriages to break down. So, how should a healthy sex life be measured?
II. How to measure a healthy sex life?
A healthy sex life should have a reasonable frequency; too little or too much can be counterproductive and increase the burden on the body. So, how often is normal?
American scholars have summarized a frequency formula based on the impact of age on sexual ability:
Frequency = tens digit of age × 9. The result shows that the tens digit represents the time period and the units digit represents the healthy and reasonable number of times.
For example:
If a person is 30 years old, then multiplying 3 by 9 gives 27. The 2 represents a time period of 20 days, and the 7 represents the frequency. In other words, a reasonable frequency for a couple in their 30s is 7 times within 20 days.
Besides using formulas to determine this, a simpler method is to use the standard of feeling physically refreshed the next day. If you feel extremely tired and unable to work normally the day after engaging in sexual activity, it means you overdid it the previous day and need to adjust the frequency.
Married life is a beautiful thing, and it should not be neglected. It should have a balance of relaxation and tension to achieve harmony and unity.
References:
[1] Chu Dehe . Sexless marriage brings you unspeakable pain [J]. Healthy Living , 2002: 25-26.
[2] Liang Qingling . No sex in bed . Have you encountered a sexless marriage? [J]. Healthy Living , 2003:27-30.
[3] What happens to women who have no sex life for a long time? [J]. Everyone's Health , 2016:80.
