Nowadays, TV dramas about mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships, and father-in-law and son-in-law conflicts, dominate television screens. Stories centered on family relationships, such as "Naked Wedding Era" and "Let's Get Married," are deeply loved by the public and are suitable for all ages. These family dramas cater to the tastes of mainstream audiences, thus repeatedly achieving record-breaking ratings.
It's often said that "every family has its own problems." And the age-old issue of the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is a chapter that inevitably comes down to every family's difficulties. How can a husband, caught in the middle, manage this relationship while also appeasing his mother and taking care of his wife? This brings us back to that headache-inducing question for every man: "If your wife and mother fell into the water, who would you save first?"
Marriage counselor Deanna Brann believes that negative emotions can easily arise between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law.
It's difficult for a mother-in-law to maintain a completely impartial stance in family relationships. Blood is thicker than water for her son, and mothers naturally have a protective and controlling instinct towards their sons. Therefore, when the couple argues, even if the mother-in-law tries not to take sides, she inevitably sides with her son. Thus, maintaining a certain distance between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is actually very necessary.
First, even with family members, boundaries must be drawn.
Draw clear boundaries with your daughter-in-law. Within those boundaries, you can be empathetic; but if anything crosses those boundaries, you can only reason with her. Here are a few questions a mother-in-law shouldn't ask: How's your sex life with my son? Have you been getting along well these past few days? Can you earn enough money for my grandson to attend a private school? A mother-in-law can ask about the general situation of the marriage, but she should never ask about private matters.
Second, learn to respect each other; daughters-in-law also have the right to say "no."
Of course, respecting elders is a matter of course, but younger generations also have the right to refuse. One must never abuse one's age or experience to interfere excessively in the private lives of younger generations or force them to do things according to one's own wishes.
Third, the mother-in-law should not offer unsolicited advice, especially regarding child-rearing.
The mother-in-law should create a relaxed and loving environment for everyone. She can offer advice on marriage, work, and raising children in a general manner, but how to raise and educate children should ultimately be based on the couple's own wishes.
Fourth, both the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should have an objective expectation of their relationship.
The difficulty of mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationships is an age-old fact. Expectations shouldn't be too high, nor too low. It's important to understand that a mother-in-law is not your own mother, and a daughter-in-law is not your own daughter. You can't expect your mother-in-law to be like your own mother, nor should you imagine her as a particularly unpleasant relative from the outset.
Fifth, be open and honest, and speak frankly.
The relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is different from that of ordinary friends. Don't expect the other person to open up to you and solve problems after they occur. Always be proactive in asking questions and expressing your thoughts and love.
Sixth, care about the feelings of your husband and children.
It's important to understand that when problems arise between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the husband caught in the middle suffers the most. When mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law share their feelings, they need to set boundaries and avoid revealing each other's private matters.
Seventh, everyone should respect their respective roles.
Wives should understand their roles and responsibilities, and mothers-in-law should also understand their role in the family. Both should fulfill their respective duties and avoid excessive interference.
