1. From "Making Excuses First" to "Reflecting on Oneself"
"Excuses" are a boy's first bad friend, often resurfacing when things happen. A typical boy, when faced with a problem, habitually prioritizes "protecting himself," believing he must be right—an unchangeable premise. When someone blames him, it must be someone else's fault. Based on this premise, he starts finding countless reasons and excuses for himself. When he finds these reasons weak or even unconvincing, he turns on the loudspeaker to fuel his arrogance, as if he's terrified of being devoured if he loses.
When men encounter problems, they will first "reflect on themselves" and not directly react with their emotions. They will first think deeply about why things turned out this way, what they did that caused it to happen, and whether there is anything they need to examine.
After stopping overthinking, communicate with the relevant people. Of course, problems are never caused by one party alone, but men who habitually reflect on themselves first are more likely to connect with others than boys. Once they connect, people naturally feel more at ease. Over time, they get closer to being a "real man."
2. From "dependence" to "responsibility"
Boys tend to be dependent, while men are accustomed to taking responsibility. Boys with high dependency rely on others to decide right and wrong, are used to asking for help when they encounter problems instead of trying to solve them on their own, and tend to complain when things don't go as planned. These are actually the most powerful evidence of their unwillingness to take responsibility.
As for men with a high sense of responsibility, or what we often call "responsible" men, they are different. Men are willing to take 200% responsibility for their decisions and all the consequences of their decisions. When they encounter difficulties, they will first reflect on themselves constructively, and then think about how to solve the problem through their own abilities and resources, rather than complaining that they were born at the wrong time, had bad luck, or that everything was caused by others!
Once, a friend lost his phone, and his immediate reaction was, "Am I really just destined to never have good things?" He also thought, "It's because someone touched my phone while we were eating; I only forgot after we moved seats." These are things he couldn't change in the past, or things he couldn't change on his own. I believe that next time, if he makes a small adjustment—adding a good habit to every outing—like double-checking before leaving, he'll definitely be destined to have good things. Writing this example isn't meant to belittle him, but rather to sincerely believe that if he takes a little more responsibility, his life will be simpler!
3. From "commitment greater than action" to "action greater than commitment"
I used to be overly eager to do well, thinking I could do more for others without considering my own abilities and circumstances. Once, an American friend sincerely advised me: "Brother, I think you'd better 'under-promise' and 'over-perform.'" This meant I should promise less first, and then do more than I promised.
This is really great advice. A boy is often eager to show off, so he makes "over-promises" without assessing his own capabilities. When he can't fulfill them, he expects others to "understand" him. In fact, this is a kind of behavior of relying on others to cover up his lies, which is certainly worrying.
A man who makes "appropriate promises" carefully considers and weighs them beforehand, then strives to fulfill and exceed them, delivering "extra value." Such a man not only puts others at ease but also brings joy. On a more advanced level, it could be seen as a form of "romance." Imagine a boyfriend or husband who frequently makes excessive promises, often just empty words; he'd find it difficult to provide his partner with a sense of security. A relationship constantly filled with worry and fear is unhealthy. Therefore, this seemingly small matter is profoundly meaningful and has a significant impact.
4. From "an eye for an eye" to "empathy"
A mature man doesn't assume he should treat others the way they treat him, whether it's a good thing or a bad thing.
Let me share a little story from my own experience. I used to have a girlfriend from Hong Kong. We were in a long-distance relationship for a long time, what Hong Kong people often call "Long-D" (long-distance relationship). My ex-girlfriend was a real adventurer; she had traveled and worked in India, Kenya, Japan, Vietnam, and Cambodia. When she was in Hungary, she stayed for six months straight. One time, she went to a bar with friends in India at night. She said she didn't like it, but she had to because her friend's birthday party was being held there. I asked her to find a way to let me know when she got home, otherwise I would worry. I waited until 6 a.m. and made dozens of phone calls, only to find that she had fallen asleep and forgotten to tell me. I worried about her all night.
Because she was always on the go, my mood often fluctuated along with hers, and I gradually got used to it. A few times, even though I was in Taiwan, my phone was dead when I was out and about, and I had a bad thought: "You've ignored my feelings a few times before, so it's okay if I do the same a few times." As a result, she became very anxious and tried every possible way to contact me, even calling my friends. Because of my childish "tit-for-tat" mentality, my other friends also worried, which was a classic example of "boyish behavior"!
Boys should abandon the "an eye for an eye" mentality and learn true empathy. To illustrate, because I've experienced that kind of worry myself, I can't let my partner go through it. That's the mindset a real man should have! Put yourself in someone else's shoes. When we act or speak, we should think carefully: If I were him, how would I feel and think if I heard those words or saw that expression?
Treating someone the way they treat you is about genuine understanding and empathy, not simply retaliating. A man should try to listen attentively to the unspoken meanings behind every expression, action, and word, carefully considering how to respond accordingly, rather than simply replying "I love you too" to someone who says "I love you," or retaliating with an even stronger slam when someone slams a door on you. Relationships aren't about robotic, formulaic responses, but about genuine listening and dialogue that brings hearts closer. A mature man understands this principle to achieve success in love, career, and life.
