In intimate relationships, it's common for one partner to "test" the other. For example, questions might include: "If I deliberately don't text or call her, will she text or call me?" "How will he react if he sees me with another man?" "If he knew about my shameful past, would he still love me?" "If I asked her to do something she didn't want to do, would she agree?"
American clinical psychologist Greta Heisler states that testing one's partner is a psychological need that often surfacees when problems arise in the relationship. When you feel insecure, afraid of rejection or abandonment—for example, afraid of growing old and unattractive, losing your figure, or becoming less attractive—your partner may stop loving you. At this time, we can acknowledge these concerns to our partner and clearly express our desire for reassurance.
If you assume your partner cares about you and will do this or that, then the test begins. Your subtext is, "If you love me, you will..." This means the other person has to do a series of things, unilaterally making sacrifices and changes for you, such as whether they remember your birthday or show any appreciation. People like to act according to their own principles, but their own set of principles may not align with their partner's. In reality, the principles of conduct for two people in a relationship can be quite different.
Furthermore, many people take the telepathic connection between lovers for granted, believing that if the other person is sincere, they will instinctively know your needs. As a result, you become unwilling to explain what you want to your partner. Unfortunately, without being clearly communicated, the other person often remains unaware. Many couples don't realize their relationship has been testing them until it breaks down.
When you don't get the results you hope for and find that your partner can't withstand your tests, your insecurity worsens, leading to increasing resentment. Your partner is also frustrated, feeling that no matter what they do, they can't satisfy you, and they fall into deep helplessness and confusion. In such a relationship, a breakup is not far off.
