While traditional men are less common among today's post-80s and post-90s generations, outdated ideas still have a significant influence. A correct understanding of these outdated customs is crucial for building a harmonious marriage. The three most basic principles of interpersonal relationships—equality, respect, and tolerance—are not easy to apply properly in married life, but with effort, there is hope. Keep going!
First, a wife should cook, do laundry, and take care of the children.
Influenced by the lingering effects of traditional conservative thinking and the pervasive influence of male chauvinism, the idea that "men are responsible for external affairs and women for internal affairs" is considered a matter of course, and the concept of women taking on all the housework is deeply ingrained in the Chinese psyche. Even when watching their wives busy with chores while they leisurely enjoy tea and read the newspaper, they don't feel guilty; on the contrary, they feel perfectly justified. They expect to be served food and clothing without lifting a finger.
Second, a wife should do whatever I tell her to do.
Both men and women are creators of history and civilization; however, except during the matriarchal society period, women's status has always been low. Ancient Chinese women were even more bound by the "Three Obediences and Four Virtues." The Three Obediences were "obeying one's father before marriage, obeying one's husband after marriage, and obeying one's son after the husband's death"; the Four Virtues were "virtuous conduct, proper speech, proper appearance, and proper work." While women's status has indeed improved today, the requirement for men to adhere to the "Three Obediences and Four Virtues" has taken on a new meaning: What are the "Three Obediences"? They are "obedience, compliance, and following."
The "Four Virtues"? They are "remembering birthdays, understanding feelings, being generous with money, and enduring beatings." However, such deeply ingrained influences are subtle and gradual. Even with superficial improvements, their complete eradication requires a long process of understanding; we are currently in a transitional period. Treating one's wife as a tool for sexual gratification or a machine for housework is a manifestation of inequality and disrespect. Examples include: forcing oneself without considering the wife's consent, and even having sex during her menstrual period.
Third, a wife should tell me everything.
My wife has to report everything she does to me: how much she gave as gifts to friends, what she brought from her parents' house, how much she spent on clothes, what people said about her, etc. I have to control her freedom and she can't hide anything from me. My wife shouldn't have any secrets; at most, she can only be my cashier, not my accountant. If she does something wrong, I can scold her or hit her if I want.
Fourth, a wife should remain chaste and widowed for life.
A wife should be a virgin, have only one man in her heart, and be forbidden from having any romantic thoughts or affairs. She cannot laugh loudly when talking to male colleagues, must maintain distance, cannot chat alone with them, and must not speak lewdly. She is not allowed to remarry after her husband's early death; she must remain a widow, care for her elderly parents, and raise her children.
Fifth, a wife should only care about her husband's family and not her own.
A married daughter is like water spilled from a bowl. In feudal society, where men were superior to women, a daughter had no further connection to her maternal family after marriage, nor any inheritance. She was no longer considered part of her family. The saying "a woman should follow her husband wherever he goes" applied to her. From the moment she entered the family, a woman was forbidden from interfering in her maternal family's affairs; otherwise, she would be considered a traitor.
