There was once a women's fashion magazine that proclaimed a "Declaration of Contemporary Women's Independence": Our income is sufficient to cover all kinds of expenses, whether it's big-ticket items like cars and houses or exquisite handbags, jewelry, and diamonds, we can buy them for ourselves in no time; on weekends, we can invite a group of intellectual and knowledgeable girlfriends for a high-class afternoon tea salon; we can practice yoga, learn baking, and spend 5 days traveling to and from "Dr. Ant" for a vacation; our lives are so wonderful and precious that we don't need any man to share them with.
It looks truly pleasing to the eye and incredibly high-profile. However, does "yearning for marriage and love, and shaping oneself according to men's standards" necessarily mean "I am emotionally fragile and can only rely on men for a living"? When a woman exhibits an excessive stress response, it's hard not to make well-intentioned associations: isn't this also a kind of emotionally wounded mentality after suffering numerous setbacks? In short, neither the extreme left nor the extreme right can be considered "healthy".
Who gets hurt by the outcome of not needing a man?
Any positive term, when taken to extremes, becomes uncontrollable. Excessive "strength and independence" transforms into a hollow facade of "I rely on no one, therefore no one needs me." At worst, men will simply lose one of their countless options when choosing a partner. But what about the woman herself? She loses a potentially happy lifestyle and a portion of life's joys. You might think you've achieved so-called strength and independence, becoming a role model for modern women, but in reality, you haven't.
Being strong and independent does not mean abandoning men.
In almost every inspirational article for women, there's a section on inner cultivation: you must be strong and independent to have the life you want. However, many girls misinterpret this meaning, heading down the path of becoming ruthless and withdrawn. In their minds, "strong and independent" is roughly equivalent to "not needing help," "not being able to rely on men," and "I am omnipotent." The result is that all their gentleness and kindness disappear, replaced by a steely resolve and utter isolation; they become completely abnormal.
In reality, being "strong and independent" isn't anything special, but it's something every human being should strive for. As one of the half of humanity, women should also possess these qualities. This isn't a luxury; do you think those soft-spoken, quiet, and composed women aren't strong and independent? Many women can be. You can't live your whole life dependent on others. Not being independent means losing most of your personal dignity and the right to enjoy life.
Secondly, "strength and independence" isn't something you wear on your sleeve. It's not about standing on high ground to change a lightbulb, moving without friends or family, or not having a kind man's shoulder to lean on when you're wronged at the office. True independence and strength come from continuously improving yourself, making independent and confident choices and judgments, and taking responsibility for them. More importantly, it's about not being complacent about accomplishing something independently, and certainly not flaunting how independent and strong you are. Occasionally asking for help from someone of the opposite sex, or leaning on a kind man's shoulder, is nothing to be ashamed of.
Man + Woman: A Possible Way of Life
If we assume that most normal people in the world crave healthy intimate relationships to care for and cherish them, to have a hero in their weary lives, are you one of them? Leaving aside the numerous negative posts about marriage, love, and mistresses on online forums, observing the simple happiness in countless homes, the desire for belonging, for being understood and protected, is such a normal need. If our painstaking efforts to cultivate both inner and outer beauty result in not needing a partner, then are we also simultaneously ruling out this potentially happy way of life?
You have every option to "dominate the workplace and be a devoted wife and mother," so why give it all up? Going out with your girlfriends shopping, to a concert, and venting about men is one kind of enjoyment; coming home to make tea, wash dishes, and bicker with your husband is another. You can have your cake and eat it too, so why not be a little greedy? No one has denied you any possibility of happiness.
Men may give you more life experiences
We need to see the world through the eyes of the opposite sex. The complementarity between men and women is perhaps only truly understood by women who have spent considerable time with men. The difference between us and them is far more than just the difference between "liberal arts" and "science" students. They are easygoing, forgetful, generous, and concerned with appearances, yet sometimes as petty as children. They are equally interested in international politics and toy cars, ambitious, know-it-alls, have broad horizons, and boundless desires… all of which make them worthy of our keen observation.
They can take us to discover a wider world, such as military affairs, technology, extreme sports, science fiction, and even video games and games. They tell us with great interest what Bitcoin is, what conspiracies exist in the stock market, and how national policies affect our lives. These are things that "late-night gossip" and "Victoria's Secret" cannot provide.
They can also play many adorable and funny roles: a sensible older brother, a silly younger brother, a playmate who does the same silly things, a good travel partner... They can be a map app or a repairman; when we are emotional, they can be particularly rational and calm in helping us plan our future, and when we are particularly rational, they are so kind that they make us feel guilty; when they are focused, they are always so one-dimensional, unlike us who can watch Korean dramas while doing housework; they can educate children so seriously and authoritatively, unlike us who are easily moved to tears.
In short, a lovely man can help you discover more of life's charm, enjoy a wider range of quality and pleasure in life, and improve your complexion and maintain youthful vitality. With our parents, we are always children; with our beloved, we are always adorable little girls. They are like the softest mirror, reflecting our most delicate and charming selves, which is why we need them.
Giving up on them is like giving up another eye to see the world, reducing many interesting perspectives and perhaps some depth: through their joys and sorrows, their gatherings and partings, we may be able to understand ourselves more clearly and feel our destiny more deeply.
Don't let an "unsuitable partner" destroy your positive imagination of the opposite sex.
If you lack basic judgment, don't spend your days indulging in negative gossip and celebrity cheating stories. You can't truly understand the inside story of every failed relationship, so there's no need to label all men as "unreliable." The "retinal" effect tells us that what you collect and focus on will become more abundant.
There's no need to be "overly sensitive"; being in love is a process of mutual pleasure.
Women enjoy dressing up, but that doesn't mean they should transform themselves into mere ornaments to please men. No one has ever said we do these things to please men; if you unfortunately have that thought, you're probably overreacting. Whether we're pleasing ourselves or pleasing the opposite sex, it's perfectly normal. Why is it shameful for a woman to "dress up for her lover"?
In fact, men also need to please us, and we have expectations of them too! From male peacocks to the handsome guy next door, isn't the act of displaying their plumage for courtship and spraying cologne every day ultimately about encountering beautiful women? We all hope that men are masculine, responsible, capable in many ways, and romantic. When that special someone appears in your life, you'll also be willing to show them your best side. For both men and women, it's a two-way street.
The desire to be loved is human nature; before true love arrives, live each day to the fullest.
Just because you haven't yet tasted "the grapes" doesn't mean they're not right for you; that's not a positive attitude. "Maintaining curiosity and a healthy longing for pleasurable interactions between the sexes, but still being able to happily plan your days even if you don't ultimately meet 'the one'"—that's the attitude a truly excellent and independent woman should have. The desire to be loved is human nature, a manifestation of a love for life, and there's nothing shameful about it, much less a sign of weakness. In fact, refusing to acknowledge this desire is a ridiculous and extreme state of mind.
Women cultivate themselves to experience life more richly. Men, on the other hand, are our comrades-in-arms, our partners in battle, our complementary skills, and our source of joy and laughter. We need them, just as they need us. Fighting for our rights doesn't mean treating all men as adversaries. Regardless of current trends, they are ultimately only half of the world.
