Feelings after a breakup
No questions, no doubts, no protests; no room for discussion; no more influence over that person—that's a breakup. Yes, it's over. There are no objections, and no one is allowed to object anymore.
But what if I really want to know how he is doing?
If the breakup was unpleasant and all contact was lost, now you can only search online by entering his name, company, business, etc., to find relevant web pages. Did he get a promotion? Change companies? Become his own boss? What clubs did he join? Where did he hold events? What did he win in a department store raffle? ... Piecing together the history after the breakup from these clues.
When luck is against you, you might get a message you don't want to see—he got married. Even so, some people still won't give up, switching from text searches to image searches, wanting to see what his wife looks like. Then they search using his wife's name, wanting to know "what kind of woman she is," "is she prettier than me," and even trying to judge "whether they are truly in love" based on some inexplicable logic.
Anxiety fuels the potential for deduction, like a detective solving a case, a mixture of tension and excitement. Occasionally, when encountering friends with whom one has connections, one tries every means to change the subject, bringing up things related to that person, hoping to glean some information.
What exactly are you hoping to hear after all this trouble?
If you hear, "He and his wife are a perfect match, they're so happy!"—immediately reply casually, "Oh, is that so?" (But, is that a sudden tightness in your chest a pang of heartache?)
I heard, "He's doing really well, he's about to open his own shop!"—To appear composed, I stubbornly replied, "He's always had potential, it's not surprising." (But a thought raced through my mind: Is he really that driven? Has he not felt any down since we broke up...?)
Or, you hear: "He seems listless and lacks energy." — "..." (Unsure what to say due to the conflicting emotions of worry and secret joy, but your heart is already churning: Is he still thinking about me?)
The news I most want to hear is probably: "After several unsuccessful relationships, he often says, 'You're still the best.'"
In short, inquiring about how the other person is doing, whether they still have feelings for you… no matter what you hear, whether you like it or not, you have to adjust your mood and silently accept it. You can't ask questions, you can't question, you can't protest; there's no room for discussion, and you no longer have any influence over that person—that's what a breakup is. Sometimes you fantasize: is he also reluctant to let go? Is he not doing well after the breakup? You vaguely know you're overthinking, a sign that you're about to be hurt a second time by the same person. On one hand, you remind yourself, "Since you've let go, you should let go of your heart," but on the other hand, you make excuses: "I know I should let go, but not enough time has passed, and the internet is so convenient. Maybe he'll check up on me too?"
Overthinking. Even though you've broken up, you can't help but try to maintain some connection with that past relationship and that person who no longer belongs to you. That's how you feel after a breakup.
To protect yourself and him, what should you do?
A breakup is a breakup. These conflicting feelings should have been considered before the breakup. Since those words have already been spoken, there's no need to dwell on them.
Please be cautious when doing the following 15 things:
1. Immediately change your relationship status on social media.
Make sure the relationship is truly over before making any changes. This is to announce it to the world, and also to tell yourself and him that it's really over.
2. Go on a trip immediately.
You can go to some places you've always wanted to visit, and use the beautiful scenery, delicious food, and local customs to soothe your wounded heart.
If you feel too tired to travel, you might as well postpone it for a few months. When your heartbreak has healed and your emotions are more stable, you will be able to enjoy the trip more.
3. Spreading bad rumors about your ex everywhere.
Don't spread his private information; such negative comments might embarrass you in the future. In fact, speaking ill of him is also speaking ill of yourself.
4. Become a fitness fanatic
The only reason to spend four hours a day at the gym is if you have a personal trainer. Nothing else is worth it.
5. Spending money extravagantly to vent frustrations
You'll definitely regret it when you receive the bill at the end of the month. If you can completely afford it, then consider it the price of heartbreak.
6. Jealousy of happy friends around them
Many unhappy people may not envy their happy friends, but sometimes they can't help but think, "Why can't I have this kind of life?" Everyone wants to win love, happiness, and passion in life, and if you maintain a positive attitude, these things will come to you one day.
7. Staying at home and not going out
Staying cooped up at home will only remind you of the days you spent with him and make you long for his company again. After a breakup, never isolate yourself at home or "isolate" from those who care about you. Take the advice of all your friends who invite you out!
8. Dating Mr. Wrong
Some say the best way to heal a broken heart is to start a new relationship. That's true, but the problem is, you need to find someone you truly have feelings for. You don't have to date a guy who shows interest in you on the first date. Choose your dates more carefully.
9. Refuse to forget
Many women become obsessed with finding "clues" on their ex-boyfriends' social media after a breakup. Is it really necessary to keep monitoring his life?
10. Dating out of revenge
Dating your ex's friend or a man who might become your ex's friend won't change the past relationship.
11. Blaming others
It's often easier to blame others than to admit that the relationship has failed. But don't forget that some pain you have to bear yourself.
12. Not giving yourself time to heal
Don't rush to fill old wounds with a new relationship. Go out and spend time with your friends; you'll be much happier.
13. Constantly discussing your problems with others.
Please respect other people's time and don't dwell on the breakup.
14. Indulging in excessive eating and drinking
Thinking food can help you overcome sadness? Don't dream!
15. Talk to your ex about your children.
If you separate from your spouse, do not try to bring your children into your life. Involving them will only cause them more pain and create more problems.
Everyone goes through heartbreak, learning how to better manage their relationships. Learning to cope with breakups and what happens afterward is an essential lesson.
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