The term "mother-in-law" seems to carry a lot of metaphorical connotations, such as: difficult, unreasonable, old-fashioned, meddlesome, and nagging. Adding to this, the current generation of mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law are mostly from the 1960s and 1980s generations, with significant differences in their upbringing and worldviews. This leads many to react drastically to their mother-in-law's voice. But actually, this kind of thinking stems from a flawed perspective. Perhaps, before trying to resolve mother-in-law/daughter-in-law issues, you need to correct your mindset.
In fact, every mother-in-law has a heart that loves her son more deeply and far beyond your romantic love.
She is a kind mother who gave birth to him and raised him. For over twenty years, he has been the sole pillar and source of hope in her life. You might say, "I'll be his constant companion for decades to come, a lifetime." While that may be true, until those decades arrive, her love for her son and your love for your husband will not diminish in the slightest. Now, suddenly, someone wants to "replace" her, and she will inevitably feel a sense of loss. In the coming years, you too will become a mother. Perhaps it's better to try to resolve the issue from her perspective of loving her son.
She's been through it all; she's seen more and experienced more than you have.
This is probably a common mindset among mothers-in-law. You've gone through the same paths they've walked, so they observe your every move. Don't think mothers-in-law are shrewd; they're simply worried that you lack experience and aren't yet adept at handling certain situations. Therefore, they like to use the methods they used to solve problems to address your issues. Some of these methods may seem outdated and impractical, but in their eyes, they're the best approach because they solved the problems before.
When your mother-in-law first met you, she was undoubtedly very polite, unless your circumstances had previously been extremely unsatisfactory to her, or she and her son had long-standing estrangement and conflict. The reason your relationship later shifted from polite to hostile is because conflicts weren't resolved promptly, emotions weren't communicated in a timely manner, and opinions weren't expressed properly. It's not that they enjoy making things difficult; in their eyes, those actions stemmed from their concern, and when their good intentions went unrequited, resentment naturally arose.
In her eyes, being a wife and a mother means bearing the corresponding obligations and responsibilities.
Shortly after your marriage, before you'd transitioned from dating to being a wife and daughter-in-law, she had already defined your role. She believed that as a wife, you should shoulder the duties and responsibilities of one, and the same applied when you become a mother. Consequently, she held you to much higher standards than you imagined. You might think she was unreasonable, while she might think you were immature, thus creating various sources of conflict.
Mothers are all kind. They carry their children for ten months and raise them, enduring untold hardships and pain, yet they never ask you for anything. They simply love you, no matter how far or high you stand. Therefore, when you have conflicts with your mother-in-law, try to think about things from her perspective. You might then better understand her thoughts and be able to extricate yourself from the predicament.
No matter how difficult your mother-in-law may be, she is still an elder in the family, and we, as the younger generation, should learn to respect her. Every woman has her own family, and learning to handle the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship appropriately is essential for family harmony. So, how do you grasp the key moments in your interactions with your mother-in-law?
1. The first meeting is very important.
First impressions play a crucial role in interpersonal relationships. A good first impression makes for a better future relationship. Therefore, when meeting your future mother-in-law for the first time, you must pay attention to three things: being diligent in speaking, observing, and doing. In short, be polite, perceptive, and appear hardworking. No mother-in-law would dislike a girl like this. The worst thing you can do is act like a spoiled princess on the first meeting. Just keep your mother-in-law in mind and in your heart.
2. Enhance communication and offer more moderate perspectives.
Communication is essential; you two haven't been communicating much, and you need to strengthen your exchanges. At the same time, you need to know how to express your own views. These views must reflect your stance, but you can't show an overly forceful attitude. You should express them gently, subtly instilling your thoughts into your mother-in-law's mind.
3. Remember your mother-in-law's birthday
I've always felt that most mothers-in-law are kind; it's just that sometimes we don't know how to handle things, which complicates matters. Remembering your mother-in-law's birthday and celebrating it for her can help her understand you better, making things much easier! More importantly, remembering your mother-in-law's birthday and celebrating it for her will make her feel very happy. Who doesn't want someone to remember them on their birthday?
4. Pre-marital negotiations
Before the wedding, both sets of parents usually have a meal to discuss the wedding arrangements. I think it's best to discuss the wedding ceremony with your husband in advance and let him communicate with his parents. During the meal, you, as the future daughter-in-law, should show great generosity and say something like, "I'll listen to my mother-in-law's opinion. Whatever you say, we'll do!" Such a statement can often simplify things later on. Sometimes, not being too serious can bring happiness in life.
5. Go along with their wishes and do as they please.
A mother-in-law is still a mother-in-law. If you go against her from the start, you won't get away with it. At first, you must obey her wishes, be tolerant of her, and consider her feelings, even if you don't really want to. Gradually, she will sense your good intentions.
6. Retreat as an advance, and counterattack in the opposite direction.
An overly obvious attack will definitely provoke a strong "retaliation" from your mother-in-law. Therefore, you must learn to retreat strategically and avoid openly arguing with her. Take a step back, even more than just giving in, to make her happy. This will lower her guard, giving you an opportunity to take advantage of her.
7. After becoming pregnant
Most mothers-in-law are looking forward to their daughters-in-law getting pregnant, as it's a continuation of bloodline. After the pregnancy, a smart daughter-in-law should have her son call her mother-in-law, and then the daughter-in-law should call her mother herself to tell her, "Mom, you'll have to work hard again with the baby. We'll try our best to ease your worries!" Such words will make the mother-in-law feel very appreciated.
8. During postpartum confinement
It's recommended that the mother take care of the mother during postpartum confinement, as this will minimize conflicts. If the mother's circumstances don't allow it, and only the mother-in-law can come, the daughter-in-law should be careful not to take it for granted. Remember that the mother-in-law is there to help, and you should try to understand her hardships and offer her encouragement. Many conflicts between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law arise during this month, so please be mindful.
A wise daughter-in-law knows how to navigate social situations, and even more so how to get along with her mother-in-law. This requires skill, and maintaining a good relationship with your mother-in-law is essential for family harmony and a peaceful life. Handling it well can potentially lead to a lifetime of peaceful coexistence with your mother-in-law. The above content is exclusively authorized for use and may not be reproduced without the copyright holder's permission.
