One of the most frequently used tropes in film and television is the image of a poor couple huddled together for warmth under a leaky roof, sharing a rock-hard steamed bun as a delicacy. Years later, the man achieves great success and is frequently away socializing, leaving his wife alone in the empty house. When all the lights in the world are on, even the most delicious food tastes bland.
Actor Huang Lei has long been considered a model of a "good man" in the entertainment industry. Married to Sun Li for 20 years, he has also dedicated himself to the kitchen for all 20 years, and even his recent entrepreneurial venture is related to food. "Cooking doesn't mean I'm a homebody; it's my hobby. I just enjoy cooking; it's fun," Huang Lei said in an interview, jokingly adding about his wife who doesn't cook, "I don't encourage her to learn to cook, for fear she'll steal my job."
Never underestimate the power of food. For working professionals, married life often revolves around two points: home, work, and commuting. When cooking becomes a ritual, every day becomes something to look forward to.
During the Spring Festival, the question "Why isn't the festive atmosphere as strong as it used to be?" garnered much attention. While indulging in rich, flavorful dishes, people began to yearn for the feeling of simply "wanting to eat." Recalling the era depicted in Lao She's novel "New Year's Day," the food was meager; daily meals consisted of cornbread and millet porridge, with the New Year being a special occasion for satisfying cravings. Steamed rice cakes and steamed buns were luxuries. Now, however, money is plentiful, but relationships have faded. Food can be easily ordered online, yet couples sit across from each other, the food cold and tasteless, barely exchanging a few words, while laughing heartily at their tiny phone screens—a truly sad state of affairs.
When things become too easy to obtain, emotions will vanish. Because love requires rituals, just as women often need men to verbally promise their love, just as roses, wine, and chocolates are in high demand on Valentine's Day and Christmas... these are all rituals, and they are also expressions of love.
Is there a kind of love called "having a meal with you"?
Yes. For ordinary couples, cooking and eating a meal together in a relaxed and peaceful way is love. Compared to expensive accessories and luxury shoes and bags, perhaps what women need most is this kind of delicious food and drink that goes straight to the stomach and touches the heart.
We all need to eat, so why not use this daily activity as an opportunity to learn how to love? Here are four suggestions to make your days more fulfilling.
Put down your phone while eating.
Staring at your phone for extended periods harms your eyes and alienates your relationship. If all intimate relationships can be built through phones and computers, why should couples live under the same roof? Nothing is so important that it requires sacrificing the opportunity to eat with your partner. If such a thing is necessary, the first thing to reflect on is whether you have planned things properly and whether it is worth investing so much time and energy, rather than going to great lengths and putting the cart before the horse.
Learn to praise the other person's cooking skills
Your husband's cooking skills may not be superb, even crude; he might only cut a chicken into eight pieces, or he might overcook a pot of porridge… but that doesn't preclude your praise. Praise is an acceptance, affirmation, and appreciation of the other person's effort, initiative, and willingness to do something for you. It expresses your own acceptance, and relationships are built through interaction, not solely on the taste of the food itself. The feedback for this praise is that your partner understands your good intentions and knows you appreciate the action, not just the food itself.
I cooked for him to treat his stomach.
From stepping into the bustling market to select fresh ingredients in the chilly morning light, to washing them and laying them out on the cutting board to be chopped by the knife, to throwing them into the boiling oil and presenting them on the dining table with their steaming aroma... watching your hard work being shared by your beloved partner brings indescribable satisfaction.
Cooking can be done in shifts, together, or as a surprise for each other. Love requires genuine effort. It rewards his stomach and warms his heart.
Subtly showing affection on social media
Two pairs of chopsticks, two bowls of noodles, and even the poached eggs in the noodle bowls are heart-shaped! How could such meticulous preparation not be documented on video? Taking a couple of photos and uploading them to your social media to share your happiness is perfectly acceptable. On one hand, it shows your appreciation for your partner's cooking skills (if they were the chef); on the other hand, it strengthens your relationship and creates sweet, memorable images.
Related reading: Improve sleep quality to improve marital relationships
Psychologists at the University of California, Berkeley, have found that couples who have poor sleep are more likely to argue over trivial matters in their lives.
Researchers collected data on the sleep habits of more than 100 couples and explored the relationship between their sleep quality and marital conflict. The results showed that couples who argued frequently were less happy and had poorer physical and mental health. Poor sleep quality led to more frequent and severe conflicts between couples and impaired their ability to compromise and avoid marital conflict.
In the experiment, 78 young couples in romantic relationships provided data on their sleep quality and stress-response relationships over two weeks. The results showed that if they had a poor night's sleep, the likelihood of a discordant conflict the following day increased.
This suggests that if sleep quality is poor, couples will have stronger negative emotions towards each other during arguments, and their skills in resolving marital conflicts and their ability to accurately gauge each other's emotions will also be affected by sleep quality.
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