As the saying goes, "Even an upright official finds it hard to settle family disputes," the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship has always been an intractable puzzle and an irreconcilable conflict, a tangled mess that's impossible to unravel. This relationship isn't unique to China, but its difficulty in handling is exceptionally high. In this conflict, who is right and who is wrong? Who can take on the role of judge? Some might say that the eyes of the masses are discerning; others might suggest letting gossipy relatives or well-meaning friends mediate. I think both are wrong. The person best suited to handle the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is none other than the husband!
The mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship refers to the relationship between a mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law. These two individuals, who are originally unrelated, are connected by their husbands. Naturally, the irreconcilable conflicts between them require the intervention of this crucial person. The quality of the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship largely reflects the husband's emotional intelligence.
This is how a smart husband would handle it:
1. Be a good wife, but take on the bad one yourself.
Few women are immune to the temptation of small gains, and mothers-in-law are no exception. When you want to buy something for your mother to show your filial piety or to make her happy, consider having your wife do it for her, which can reduce any hostility your mother-in-law might feel towards you. When your mother and wife have disagreements, try to remain neutral and gently point out who is at fault while also comforting the other party.
2. Speak well of your wife, both good and bad, and avoid speaking ill of her.
When there's discord between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, avoid agreeing with your mother when she criticizes your wife. While it might seem like your parents will feel better, they'll actually think their son also has reservations about his wife, and this will eventually reach your wife's ears. To truly improve the relationship, speak well of your wife to your mother, express your love for her appropriately, and let your parents know that you are happy after marriage and that they won't try to sabotage your relationship.
3. Do housework together; don't always order your wife around.
A son is a mother's darling, pampered and spoiled since childhood. If a son is ordered around by his wife to do chores, the mother will definitely be angry. A smart man is never lazy; at least he will let his parents see that the two of them work together to maintain the family. Even if a man has little experience with housework growing up and wants his wife to do more, he should never order her around in front of his mother; he should respect her.
4. Love your parents and your parents-in-law.
You only have a husband after your parents are born, and you only have a wife after your parents-in-law are born. When you get married, it's like your husband's family has married your wife's family. So, don't forget to be filial to your parents and your parents-in-law. With the support of both sets of parents, your little family will be happier and warmer, and family conflicts will be reduced.
The quality of the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship depends on the husband. A smart husband should learn from the experiences mentioned above, and a smart wife should help her husband learn these things, so that the relationship can develop healthily, or at least not erupt. Many broken marriages are often due to parents' excessive control over their children, and the man, caught in the middle, swings between his wife and mother like a pendulum, lacking independent thought and unable to cope with the conflict between his wife and mother.
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