Mr. Min was the "model child" since he was a child. Now 31 years old, he has a master's degree from a 985 university and works in management at a Fortune 500 company. His appearance and abilities are the envy of many.
He met his wife, Xiaosong, in college, started dating in their sophomore year, and then married after a six-year courtship. As their college classmate, I witnessed their sweet journey together.
However, even such a loving relationship can stray.
A year ago, Mr. Min attended a high school reunion and unexpectedly discovered that the girl he used to like was also working in Shanghai. Since then, they have kept in touch and had intimate contact while Xiaosong was away on a business trip.
Xiaosong is a perceptive woman. After sensing that something was wrong, she confronted him directly. Although Mr. Min verbally admitted his mistake, things continued to happen behind the scenes.
Because the couple's interests were intertwined, Xiaosong could only turn a blind eye. She couldn't understand why her husband, who had been well-behaved for the past 10 years, had suddenly become uncontrollable this time.
I. The truth about infidelity: It's either zero times or countless times.
There are actually many couples like the Komatsu couple in this society, giving people the feeling that "everyone is capable of cheating."
The Kinsey Reports, written by American biologist Alfred Kinsey, were a sensation in the early 1950s. In the report, the author pointed out that in his sampling survey, more than one-third of the 6,427 male participants had cheated on their wives; and among the 6,972 American women who had been married, 26% had engaged in extramarital sex .
Professor Pan Suiming and his research team at the Institute of Sexual Sociology, Renmin University of China , have been conducting a large-scale random sampling survey every five years across the country since 2000. The results of the four surveys show that, compared with the data in 2000, the rate of male infidelity in 2015 has doubled, reaching 23.6%.
In addition, Professor Pan and his research team also found that the overall rate of infidelity is higher for men than for women : from 2000 to 2015, the infidelity rate for men in China was 20.3%, while that for women was only 7.9%.
When asked whether people who cheat can eventually "turn over a new leaf," experts from the University of Denver in the United States answer the question— no . Because once cheating happens, the chances of it happening again are extremely high.
Scientific research has proven that "cheating is either zero times or countless times." This research, from the American journal *Archives of Sexual Behavior* , found through a survey of 484 American adults that people who have cheated before are three times more likely to cheat in their next relationship than the average person.
2. Why cheat when you already have a partner?
Many people don't understand why someone would cheat on their partner, especially if that partner is also very good. We can analyze this from the following aspects.
1. Fickle and easily bored
It's important to understand that this tendency to tire of familiar things isn't limited to humans; it extends to human relationships as well. There's a biological theory called the "Coolidge effect," which states that male mammals often experience heightened sexual desire upon encountering new mates. In this situation, dopamine levels in the male's body increase , sending a pleasurable and exciting signal to the brain, thus increasing the male's desire to engage in sexual relations with different women.
2. Hormones at work
Dopamine, mentioned above, is also known as the "happy hormone," and the gene encoding the dopamine receptor plays an important role in infidelity. Studies have found that among people with long allelic variants of the dopamine receptor gene, 50% are more likely to cheat on their partners and are also more prone to addictive behaviors such as alcoholism and smoking .
3. Evolutionary influence
From an evolutionary perspective, men have more direct reasons for infidelity. From ancient times to the present, men have rarely invested energy in their families and children , often requiring only minimal effort to fulfill their reproductive duties; while women bear enormous physiological and psychological risks during childbirth , which greatly reduces their need for diversity in partners .
Although the progress of human society has fostered a loyal partnership between spouses, this relationship will always face a challenge— other partners of greater value .
Marriage is a very important relationship in our lives. Maintaining the relationship between husband and wife cannot rely on just one party; it requires the joint efforts of both.
First, trust yourself and trust your partner . Many people in marriage suffer from insecurity, often suspecting their partner of doing something shameful, and living in a state of perpetual uncertainty.
Little do people realize that in a happy marriage, suspicion is an absolute taboo . First, you must believe in your ability to create a happy life, believe that you have chosen the right person, and then trust your partner. Only in this way can you live a stable life.
Secondly, mutual respect and tolerance of each other's shortcomings are essential . In marriage , both partners should be on equal footing , respecting each other's hobbies, ideas, and habits to reduce friction in daily life. Furthermore, no one is perfect; everyone has flaws. Couples should understand each other , be less angry, and more tolerant.
Furthermore, timely communication is crucial . In many cases, the breakdown of a marriage begins with a misunderstanding , like a balloon that keeps being inflated until it bursts.
Therefore, couples should communicate promptly when problems or grievances arise, and not leave them until tomorrow. They should express their needs and avoid engaging in a cold war .
Infidelity, a word everyone hates, yet it undeniably seems to happen frequently around us. From a biological perspective, animals do have a natural tendency to stray, but this cannot justify infidelity. Those who choose marriage should cherish and nurture it to achieve a happy life.
References:
[1] "Are there more and more people cheating? What kind of people are more likely to cheat?" Health Times. 2020-08-14
[2] Scientific Exploration: Why are these types of people more prone to infidelity? . Sino-Foreign Academic Information. 2020-04-24
The above content is exclusively authorized for use only and may not be reproduced without the copyright holder's authorization.
