Enjoy the first year
The wedding is the most wonderful moment of life. Having married such a lovely woman, who cares about making seven-year plans? We'll talk about that after this year! Hugs, kisses, lovemaking.
Establishing family rules in the second year
Married couples often impose their own standards on each other, but strangely, they never consider establishing rules that both understand and agree upon. Conflict arises precisely from this mutual ignorance and internal struggle. Just as a country has its laws, a family has its rules. In a happy family, rules don't mean restrictions; they are reminders of the limits of responsibility both partners should bear and a shared understanding of things.
Married men often encounter situations where, when they criticize their wives for doing something wrong, she either immediately retorts with some inexplicable reason or hides away and sobs quietly. Conversely, when his wife nags him, he immediately retorts. This conflict actually demonstrates a clear difference between men and women in how they approach the same issues.
To avoid these unnecessary conflicts and ensure a smooth and orderly marriage, married men must be keenly aware of the importance of family rules. In the second year of marriage, after the initial passion has faded, you need to immediately work with your wife to develop a set of effective and mutually agreed-upon family regulations.
The content of family rules should include:
1. Each person's respective family responsibilities;
2. The rational use and distribution of family property;
3. Attitude towards relatives and friends;
The head of household was established in the third year.
The establishment of the head of the household is not merely a matter of vying for the first page of the household register. For every married man, it symbolizes the family's attitude towards both internal and external affairs, as well as the degree of dependence between the spouses in their married life. Whether it's you or your wife, the goal is to ensure the marriage has a solid foundation. In reality, a clear hierarchical relationship often emerges between spouses. This relationship not only represents the majority of marriages but also demonstrates the importance of establishing the head of the household. However, this hierarchical relationship cannot be simply interpreted as a question of who has the final say.
According to existing marriage surveys, the personalities of men and women in marriages often complement each other, providing a reliable foundation for the existence of a master-servant relationship. However, the formation of a true master-servant relationship within a family is not easily achieved through direct complementarity; it still requires both partners to live together for a period of time, finding their respective places through mutual understanding. Extroversion and courage are not prerequisites for establishing the head of household. The key lies in who can and is willing to consistently shoulder the significant responsibilities of a family or handle endless琐事 (trivial matters), and who is more calm and rational in their approach. Establishing the head of household is, in effect, establishing a family relationship, and is an important prerequisite for maintaining balance between the man and woman.
4th Year of Booking the Future
A woman's romance never diminishes with age, nor is it abandoned due to the realities of marriage. Giving a woman a long-term dream doesn't require a man to give anything, yet it can make her feel happy. At the same time, it makes her more accepting of a man's mistakes and shortcomings in what he provides for the marriage.
Women are romantic creatures, and they love to drift on clouds of fantasy. If your energy and finances don't yet allow you to readily fulfill the promises you make to a woman, try painting a beautiful picture of the future for your wife, just like when you described how grand the wedding would be and how beautiful her wedding dress would be before you got married. You could tell her you're planning a month-long "second honeymoon," that you'll book the Crystal Hall at the Wangfujing Hotel for your silver anniversary, or that you'll hire a helper to do housework after your raise so she can enjoy a family dinner with you by candlelight... Anything is fine, as long as it makes her feel romantic and makes her believe that tomorrow will be better.
5th Year Self-Awareness
After three or four years of experience, you can no longer claim you don't understand marriage. If your expectations are still limited to endless complaints, it's time to re-evaluate yourself. You're not a child, and this isn't child's play. You need to give a definite answer regarding whether to accept yourself or change yourself. This also includes your wife.
It's time to ask yourself some realistic questions: What constitutes a happy marriage? What do you think an ideal marriage should include? What have you done for your marriage? What are your dissatisfactions with your marriage? Are you making efforts to make your marriage happier?
6th year: addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division
Happiness is inherently immeasurable, but since many perplexing problems can be solved by creatively applying arithmetic, happiness has every reason to become equally wondrous. Speaking of happiness, after six years of marriage, you might feel weary, even relying on constantly muttering "endure" to get through the day. But did you know? Happiness is never simply given by others, nor can it stay with those who lack ambition. Your marriage could very well continue happily, but your inertia has robbed you of positive motivation. If you tried approaching marriage with the logic of addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division, you might discover that marriage is actually quite fascinating.
The so-called "knowing how to live" means, in a sense, making smart choices and necessary compromises. When your wife, who has done housework for six years, asks you to do some chores, refusing is not a good approach. Instead, you could assign the laundry and tidying to yourself and hire a part-time helper. That way, you please your wife while fulfilling your moral responsibility, at the cost of perhaps smoking a few less packs of cigarettes. Break down difficult problems into smaller, manageable steps and address them one by one. Marital problems don't develop in a month, and solving them all at once is unrealistic. If the responsibilities in your marriage overwhelm you, try tackling them one by one.
Happy marriages vary from person to person, and the paths to happiness differ as well. If you are facing problems such as laziness, boredom, or loneliness, you will benefit greatly from addition and multiplication; if you are busy and exhausted all day long, you can improve by subtraction and division. The most important thing is to take action.
7th Annual MPI - Marriage Potential Survey
Even though you've been living together for seven years, you might not realize that there's still a gap between the reality of your marriage and its ideal state. If you can effectively develop the potential for happiness within your marriage, you won't be so bothered by your current situation. The MPI, also known as the Marriage Potential Survey, was developed by marriage experts David and Mays.
Based on nearly 50 years of marriage research, their findings indicate that 90% of couples do not reach their full potential in terms of family happiness. This also suggests that the vast majority of broken marriages stem from a lack of deeper mutual understanding. To address this, David and Mays meticulously designed the MPI (Multi-Person Index) to help assess and improve the current state of marriage. This test is very simple; each couple only needs to assess their own feelings about 10 basic aspects of their marriage and assign a score.
1. Shared goals and values;
2. Efforts made to improve the marital relationship;
3. Skills for exchanging ideas;
4. Emotion and understanding;
5. Deal with marital conflicts constructively;
6. A shared understanding of the responsibilities of both men and women;
7. Working together with one heart and one mind, and cooperating seamlessly;
8. A fulfilling sex life;
9. Arrangements for the use of funds;
10. Educating children (for couples without children, this involves how to discuss and make decisions about family issues).
