First, know your own needs.
No matter what we do, we must know where our needs lie. Only by identifying our needs can we find the right coordinates and know our place, which is key to success. In matters of the heart, while we shouldn't be too pragmatic, and we often find ourselves confused and unsure of what we're looking for, it's clearly not the right approach for single women to successfully find marriage by flitting from one person to another, like a headless fly.
Before finding a partner, you don't need to know their height, weight, or build, but you must know if their smile is warm; you don't need to know their profession or hobbies, but you must understand their life values and direction; you can even disregard their wealth and status, but you must assess their capabilities and know your bottom line. Of course, this doesn't mean you have to be perfectly precise, but at least you should have thought about it, pursued it, and struggled with the choice. Perhaps you don't need to fully know your true needs, but you must know what or what kind of things you absolutely cannot accept. In fact, this is also a way of understanding your own needs in marriage and relationships.
Secondly, learn to make necessary changes.
A significant number of single women remain single not because they let others remain single, but because they chose to remain single themselves. To put it kindly, this can be called persistence and devotion; to put it bluntly, it can be seen as stubbornness and fixation. They are unwilling to adapt, always expecting others to completely conform to their wishes, yet they are unaware of or unable to accept changes in others' expectations of them. As a result, even small problems become big problems. It's extremely rare for one person to change while the other doesn't; if it does happen, it's likely just love, not marriage.
Perhaps you believe in being selective in relationships, but "better to be single than in a bad relationship" doesn't mean being inflexible or ignoring others. It means understanding your own needs, knowing what's right for you, and waiting with a specific purpose in mind. There's a state of being that comes with changing for love; it's a victory achieved through perseverance, a willing acceptance of love flowing naturally from your heart. However, many single women in real life fail to grasp this principle.
Third, be neither arrogant nor servile in your relationships.
Love isn't a commodity that can be sold cheaply. Love itself has no inherent value; even if it had a price, its worth wouldn't lie in the person's appearance, age, or status, but in their heart and inner world. Observe whether they are calm and composed, neither arrogant nor impatient, neither servile nor overbearing… The same applies to single women. A single woman's feelings reside within herself. It doesn't mean that just because you're older you can marry anyone, nor does it mean that because you're beautiful or have a high social standing, you can arrogantly ignore everyone else. Both of these situations only lead to the same result: the single woman remains single.
The notion that men must practically beg women for their affections, and that women must marry at a certain age with diminished standards of marriage, are harmful remnants of outdated marriage practices. The truth should be: single women should be self-reliant, awaken to the importance of independence, and maintain a balanced perspective. They should not only have the courage to remain single rather than settle for less, but also the humility to adapt to changing circumstances. Marriage is merely a change in one's life state, not a change in one's life values.
Fourth, forget the past and cherish the present.
Let's talk about another aspect of the "leftover woman" situation. In real life, how many women end up "leftover" because they are unable to break free from the past? Women are creatures who are "passionate," and this "passion" often makes them entangled in past relationships, indulging in memories and fantasies of the past. This is a very negative and dangerous sign in life. If you can't forget the past, you can't treat the present well, and you can't grasp the future.
Of course, this doesn't mean you should forget your roots or the past. Rather, it means you can let go of the past, move forward lightly, and live each day to the fullest, showing your youthful, radiant, confident, and joyful side to those around you. Only in this way can you have a positive influence and attract the opposite sex in your current and future romantic relationships and marriage.
Fifth, don't be superstitious about love; value character.
Love certainly exists in this world, but it's so rare, and that's precisely what makes it so precious… Love is too fragile to withstand two tests: time and purity. So, you can believe in love, but please don't rely on it. Love is never reliable. If there's anything about a man that a woman can trust, it's his character.
A man's character determines his loyalty, his wealth and status in your eyes, and the foundation of your marital happiness. It's like the number 1 at the top of your happiness index; everything else is just 0.
Sixth, don't blindly pursue romance; focus on reality.
Don't blindly pursue romance, but that doesn't mean you should give it up. Romance is still about reality; it's like lying dormant all winter for a fleeting moment in spring. Romance is merely a flower growing from the soil of reality; it needs fertile soil and warm sunshine, and its bloom is never very long. So, if you insist on treating romance like a staple food, then you're definitely making a mistake.
Of course, this is by no means to say that "giving your wife chive blossoms is worse than giving her roses." Roses will always be a woman's favorite. As long as you don't expect your husband to give you "roses" every day, and as long as you're not so poor that you can't even afford "chive blossoms," then moderate romance is still something we should encourage.
Seventh, avoid whirlwind marriages, and even more so, avoid long-term relationships.
When faced with marriage, single women often tend to go to two extremes. Some rush into marriage, impulsively and hastily getting married; others hesitate, looking before they're ready, and end up in a relationship that lasts five or six years. The former is self-evident; in reality, whirlwind marriages and divorces are commonplace, and many who marry quickly but don't divorce end up struggling. Very few whirlwind marriages truly lead to happiness. The latter, a long-term relationship, has good intentions and demonstrates responsibility towards marriage, potentially increasing its stability. However, there are two things women must understand:
First, men are all sprinters. In this long race, women may be enjoying themselves, but men may be suffering. Often, as they run, they get tired and can't keep up with the woman's pace. When they're tired, they need to rest, and once they rest, they are particularly susceptible to the influence of the surrounding scenery. As a result, it's difficult for them to accompany you to the finish line. Even if you wait for him, you often can't wait for his final sprint.
Secondly, everyone's total amount of love in their lifetime is actually finite. A long-term relationship will make you drink it all up before marriage, and by the time of marriage or after marriage, you will easily be starving and crying for help.
Eighth, the essence of marriage is still a contract.
How heavy is marriage? The answer is actually quite simple: it feels incredibly heavy, yet it's just a piece of paper—a marriage certificate. Its essence is a contract, and like any contract, it can be established or broken. This isn't meant to be frivolous, but rather to emphasize that everyone (especially women of marriageable age who aspire to marriage) needs to understand that we don't need to place excessive importance on marriage. For women, marriage is no longer about traditional virtues like the old days, where women were expected to follow their husbands through obedience and submission. Divorce is no longer the exclusive right of men to initiate divorce proceedings.
In marriage, as long as a woman is self-reliant, independent, and self-loving, there's no question of who's superior or inferior. Even if things don't work out, a woman can choose divorce, tear up the marriage contract, and find her own happiness again. There's really no need to carry an undue burden. Only when you think this way will you have the confidence and assurance to move forward lightly, determined to succeed, and actively take true control of your marital happiness.
