Before marriage, women love to hear men say "I love you," wanting them to repeat those three words over and over again, and demanding proof of their love. Men, fearing they haven't done enough, constantly shower their wives with gifts as tokens of their love. However, most men, after marriage, feel that their relationship is settled and they no longer need to show their wives so much care. Looking back on the courtship—flowers, gifts, candlelight dinners, beach walks, all the romantic gestures and sweet nothings—they feel they've already given too much before marriage, and now it all seems unnecessary.
Generally speaking, everything a man does before marriage is to create an atmosphere for courtship; all the romance before marriage turns into waste after marriage, so he simply stops this "meaningless exchange." But at this time, the woman, both psychologically and physiologically, needs the man's care more. In fact, men and women differ greatly in their attitudes towards sex after marriage. Men often see sex as a pastime, while women see it as an extension of their relationship and marriage.
In today's industrialized society, with men and women working side-by-side, the relationship between work and extramarital affairs is obvious. Besides online dating, the office is the ideal setting for extramarital affairs. Early studies by foreign experts found that women aged 26 to 30 had the highest rate of infidelity across all age groups. However, recent surveys indicate that women in their 20s are even more likely to have affairs than men of the same age, by a factor of 10%. A 1988 US study on extramarital affairs reported that young women are betraying their husbands faster than ever before. Women who married before 1960, on average, didn't have their first affair until 14.5 years into their marriage. Now, women start having affairs as early as five years after marriage.
Even more astonishing is that women today begin planning for infidelity as early as four years after marriage. Professor Hill, an anthropologist at Rutgers University, spent 15 years conducting research in 62 countries before reaching this conclusion. She points out that the four-year timeframe from accepting a marriage proposal, getting married, having an affair, to divorce is pre-programmed in a woman's brain. This causes the chemicals in a woman's brain that make her fall in love with someone else to disappear within 36 months. She then spends a year recognizing this fact, looking for a new partner, and then divorcing.
Professor Fisher also pointed out that another reason why women divorce is that their genes tell them that children need to be raised by a series of men in order to develop multifaceted talents and have a greater chance of survival, which explains why it is usually women who initiate divorce.
Professor Fisher's research, which reports that women's genes suggest their children need to be raised by a series of men, coincides with the views of paleoanthropologists. They have long believed that early humans practiced group marriage during the cave-dwelling era. For survival, women would resume sexual activity as soon as possible after childbirth to keep men around for food and protection. However, it is unknown whether men at that time were only willing to live with women until the child was weaned, or until the child could walk. Is this period the four years Professor Fisher mentioned? Furthermore, has this suggestive gene remained to this day, causing women to change their minds after four years of marriage? These two points require further investigation by scholars.
Generally, men are most sexually promiscuous in their early 20s before marriage. Conversely, women are most prone to infidelity between the ages of 30 and 35 after marriage. This is partly due to social factors: in Hong Kong, where land is extremely expensive, mortgage and rent payments have become a heavy financial burden for families, requiring them to tighten their belts just to make ends meet. Consequently, most homes are small, which is extremely unfavorable for having children. Many young couples are unwilling to have children after many years of marriage, or only want one child, for this very reason.
If a woman gives birth to a child around the age of 28, within ten years the child will be in fourth or fifth grade, gradually learning to take care of themselves and requiring less care from their mother. Compared to before, she now has more freedom and time, but less constraint. Conversely, her husband is busy with life. At work, he may be at a crucial moment in his career, leaving little time to care for and cherish her. Before marriage, he would give her roses; now, even going to a movie together is a luxury. The sweet words he used to utter have vanished. Perhaps he is truly too tired to engage in marital intimacy. And so, loneliness and resentment arise in her heart.
Generally, women believe they should enjoy the same love and romance after marriage as before. The timely appearance of an extramarital lover makes up for the lack of passion. Once a woman receives the tenderness, praise, and flattery of another man, how can she not fall in love? The lover's affection is romantic and ardent, showering her with care and offering warmth and comfort whenever she is down. Furthermore, women typically reach their sexual peak between the ages of 30 and 35 after marriage. Without the comfort and care of their husbands, they often succumb to loneliness and temptation, and the extramarital affair quickly spirals out of control.
Today's women are more educated than their mothers' generation. Women aged 30 to 35, having worked for 10 to 15 years, earn several times more than when they first entered the workforce, unlike their fresh graduates. Stable and substantial incomes, along with a relatively comprehensive social security system, have eliminated the anxieties associated with divorce for women. It can be said that the increased education and economic independence of women have significantly increased the divorce rate in today's society, ironically leading to more extramarital affairs. In the past, a woman's life was ruined if her infidelity was exposed. Today, societal moral standards have changed dramatically, and people generally hold a more tolerant and balanced attitude towards extramarital affairs. Even if discovered, they can seek marriage counseling or simply go to court to file for divorce. Compared to their grandmothers' generation, today's women, especially those with higher education, face no difficulty in living independently after divorce, raising children alone, or remarrying.
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