International Women's Day, or March 8th for short, is approaching. According to national regulations, the company has announced a half-day holiday for women. The young woman next to me, a new employee, was agonizing over whether she qualify as a woman. "National regulations state that any woman over the age of 14 is a woman," I said, ruthlessly shattering her girlish dreams.
The little boy on the other side was filled with envy and resentment towards the women who had an extra morning off. I want to use my life experience to tell him that becoming a woman who successfully endures until International Women's Day to get a half-day off is not so simple. It takes more than just being ruthless and skilled in combat to Zhang Tianzhi, the "true master of Wing Chun" in *Ip Man 3*; more cunning than the empress in *The Legend of Mi Yue*; and more patient and stoic than Mei Changsu in *Nirvana in Fire*…
1.
When I was pregnant, my sister pointed to her belly and asked my niece, "Is Auntie carrying a little brother or a little sister?"
My little niece was still curiously staring at my belly when my husband's sister eagerly pointed out the correct answer: "It's a little brother! It's a little brother!"
I've held a grudge about this little detail to this day, and I doubt I'll forget it for a long time.
In my memory, the last woman who cared so much about whether her sister-in-law was carrying a boy or a girl was my aunt.
Before she got married, she and my grandmother cursed my mother, my sister, and me for seven whole years. Phrases like "a hen that can't lay eggs," "an old cow gave birth to two calves," and many other inappropriate remarks would be flagged by WeChat as "please be mindful of your language."
After getting married, she finally stopped scolding, not because she married far away, but because she herself had a daughter.
Therefore, being a daughter, or even giving birth to a daughter, seems to be a shameful thing in China, at least your elders in the family don't expect it.
Some time ago, someone posted on Weibo the infant mortality rate of various provinces and cities, among which the female infant mortality rate in Jiangxi was as high as 78.5%.
After reading this, I am deeply grateful to my grandparents for sparing my life. Although you have scolded, beaten, and treated my sister and me coldly over the years.
2.
When I was in the second grade of elementary school, my father passed away, leaving behind three of us—my mother and me, all of us women.
There's always gossip around a widow's door, especially since this widow was quite attractive. I remember for a period of time, almost every day, malicious people would knock on my window under the cover of darkness.
It wasn't like the evocative song Tsai Chin sang, "Who is knocking on my window?" The mother and her two daughters slept in one bed. At first, they tried to endure the knocking. The younger sister, being too young, was terrified and huddled tightly in her mother's arms. Later, after being harassed repeatedly, I joined my mother in cursing. But the louder we cursed, the more persistently the knocking became, making the whole night restless. At its worst, they even smashed the window with a brick.
Logically, with such a loud commotion, everyone in the neighborhood must have heard it, yet not a single person offered a helping hand. On a night like that, those neighbors were probably lying in bed, listening intently to see if my mother would open the door and how things would end. They were probably both excited and disgusted, and then the next day, a few of them would get together and gossip, embellishing the "touching" scene with exaggerated details.
Later, my mom told me who those people knocking on the window were, and I knew them all. I still remember these scumbags who left me with childhood trauma, and I will never forgive them.
3.
I got my stepfather when I was in fifth grade. My mom felt that there had to be a man in the family.
Speaking of this man, his family and relatives are not very satisfied. First, he has a terrible temper; it is rumored that his ex-wife committed suicide by taking pills after being beaten by him. Second, he has almost nothing, except for a son he had with his ex-wife.
My mother, however, took a liking to his penniless state and his son.
Ridiculous? But my mother had her own calculations: since the other party had nothing, he would be completely obedient after coming to our house. And having a son would make up for her regret of not having a son, so she could announce to the world that she finally had an heir. (However, countless facts later proved that both of my mother's plans failed.)
So, after meeting a few times, one dark and windy morning, this man, carrying a load of sweet potato vines o(╯□╰)o, and with his son, walked into my house.
If you ask my sister and me what it feels like to have a "dad"? Well, it's probably like we just came out of a wolf's den and were pushed into a tiger's mouth.
You don't know until you experience it yourself. The difference between hearing about someone's bad temper and experiencing it firsthand is like night and day. My stepfather used to be a butcher. He loved to drink, and every time he drank, he would sharpen his knife, yelling that he could kill us in a minute. Beating my mother was child's play for him. He once chased me for a long distance with a butcher's knife. When I was in my second year of high school, I was almost strangled to death once. The bruise on my neck took half a month to fade.
Aside from his terrible temper, my stepfather was utterly incompetent and selfish in every other way. After we got married, he drove drunk and killed a little girl; the girl's uncle was seriously injured while trying to protect her. Immediately after the accident, he forgot his boastful words about killing us and instead groveled and begged my mother to spend money to pull strings, because he didn't want to go to jail. After the matter was resolved, he continued drinking and cursing as usual, acting as if no one else would hold the sky up.
Last year, my mother had surgery and stayed in the hospital for a week, and he didn't come to see her even once.
My mother, a modern woman who once received the "March 8th Red Banner Pacesetter" award, is both beautiful and intelligent. Why would she be so fixated on such a "scumbag"? My mother replied, "Even if he has a thousand faults, he's still a man! How can a house function without a man? Even if he snores at night, thieves won't dare to break in!"
I reckon this is what they mean by "I'm the coolest when I have a dick"?
4.
Judging from the family environment I grew up in, you can tell that I am not enthusiastic about marriage.
But my mom wouldn't allow me to be a "single aristocrat." Right after graduating from university, I was thrust into a world of pressure to get married. "Which girl isn't married by her age?" "You have such a bad temper, where will you find someone who treats you as well as you?" "So-and-so didn't even finish elementary school, but she married a rich husband and is much better off than you now..."
After successfully pressuring you into marriage, they start pressuring you to have children. "A woman who hasn't had children is incomplete!" "Children are the glue that holds a family together; only with children will your relationship be stable." "What about being childless? People who don't have children don't deserve to be called human."...
When I finally got pregnant, both sets of parents started praying to the gods for a son. I heard that after I gave birth to a boy, my father-in-law laughed for two whole hours at home, waving his hand and saying, "You won't have any pressure from now on. You can have either a boy or a girl next time!" My mother, a woman who had suffered greatly from the preference for sons over daughters, also felt that she had finally been able to hold her head high.
During my pregnancy, I discussed with my husband the possibility of the child taking my surname. He firmly opposed it, saying, "This is my father's child! Why should it take your surname?" After several arguments, he reluctantly relented, saying that a daughter could take my surname, but a son must take his father's surname.
5.
Why do women make things difficult for each other? After giving birth, women often feel especially like childbirth machines. And what's more, it's mostly other women who bring this feeling.
My mother was trying to comfort my baby because I didn't have enough breast milk after giving birth. She said, "What's the point of having breasts if you don't even have any milk? Just cut them off!" My mother-in-law took her grandson away, feeling sorry for him, and said, "Not getting enough to eat? Poor grandson, let's make some formula so you can have plenty to eat!"
The new apartment in the city was just renovated and not yet suitable for living, so I had to take maternity leave in my hometown after giving birth. For over five months, I was alone with the baby, like a single mother. My husband only stayed on paternity leave for two weeks before leaving. He'd send a message to check on me occasionally, but otherwise, he wouldn't even reply. The baby wouldn't sleep at night, crying all night long, and I almost broke down, all while being lectured by my elders: "Which woman hasn't gone through this? Why can't you handle this?!"
6.
After I went to work, the baby still cried all night, while my husband slept soundly beside me, and I continued the miserable task of holding and trying to soothe the baby to sleep. I had to get up at 6:30 the next morning, and my commute took four hours. Once, I almost fainted on my way to work and called my mother for comfort. My mother was very worried after hearing my story: "Then please don't scold the baby!"
I'm devastated! I have this feeling (maybe it's not a feeling at all), but if it weren't for the fear of my child not having a mother, I guess everyone would think they could do without me.
Before I gave birth, my mother-in-law was quite nice to me, but her attitude completely changed after I gave birth. She seemed to think that my role as a tool for giving birth was over and I could step aside. Her heart and eyes were only on her son and grandson. When I was pregnant, she raised more than a dozen free-range chickens to nourish my body, but when I was in postpartum confinement, all I got was a plate of potato slices.
Since the advocacy of gender equality, women's social status seems to have improved, but they've become more burdened. Modern women are not only expected to be presentable in public and capable in the kitchen, but also successful in the workplace! They work on equal footing with men during the day, and after get off work, they still do housework and take care of children. The ancients said women were made of water; modern women are like reinforced concrete! Otherwise, they couldn't bear it all.
Due to the long-standing preference for sons over daughters, my country has a statistically unbalanced male-to-female ratio, with males to females approximately 115.88:100. The media has sensationalized the issue with headlines such as "30 Million Leftover Men in China, Making it Difficult for Them to Find Wives in the Future."
In reality, more than 40 million women have disappeared in China. They were either forced to have abortions due to deep-rooted gender biases and gender inequality, or sacrificed to ensure their parents had another son, and were thus hidden and "disappeared" from household registration records.
Logically, women are merely seen as tools—their bodies are needed because men have needs for sex, marriage, and procreation, and because the state has a need to maintain family and social stability. Discrimination against women throughout their lives after birth is a reality in China today.
It is unrealistic to expect a society that readily rejects the birth of women to respect a girl after she is born. Showing care for women only on International Women's Day is, at best, a symbolic act.
China urgently needs to eradicate the prejudice against women.
Don't treat International Women's Day as just another Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, or a short holiday. The true meaning of this day is to remind people to genuinely care for women and to value and cherish them every day as much as on International Women's Day. Women deserve this respect because they have this right, not because they are good wives and mothers or because they have made contributions.
Original content from www.39.net. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited and will be prosecuted. For content cooperation, please contact: 020-85501999-8819 or [email protected]. The above content is exclusively authorized for use only and may not be reproduced without the copyright holder's authorization.
