Admittedly, filial piety is a traditional virtue of the Chinese nation, but filial piety is not the same as blind obedience. Many parents use the moral blackmail of filial piety to force their children to do things against their own will.
If children fail to obey their elders in the slightest, they will be labeled as "unfilial" or "ungrateful," and sometimes the insults they receive are even harsher than those from others...
For the children, this is like swallowing a bitter pill – they have no way to express their suffering. But in the eyes of their elders, it's just "for your own good."
These three behaviors may seem like filial piety, but they are actually " blind filial piety ."
1. Always help your younger brother
Zheng Meili has been married for three years, but most of the time she still has to take care of her younger brother from her parents' home. This is something Zheng Meili's parents asked her to do.
Her younger brother had dropped out of school long ago, but he wasn't hardworking at work, so he constantly asked Zheng Meili for money. Zheng Meili sometimes felt helpless about this; she didn't want to give him money, but she would soon receive a scolding phone call from her mother.
Her mother spoke very directly on the other end: "I only have one son. As his own sister, can't you help him out a little?" If Zheng Meili disagreed even slightly, her mother would nag about many things from the past, ultimately concluding that Zheng Meili was unfilial.
This heavy accusation was directly placed on Zheng Meili's head, often leaving her bewildered and even prompting her to question herself deep down whether she had really done something wrong. It was precisely because of this that she always managed to get her brother's money, no matter how much.
However, with the arrival of her child and the increase in household expenses, Zheng Meili gradually felt overwhelmed, especially when her younger brother borrowed more and more money, she felt her pressure suddenly increase.
Although the money came from her own salary, the extra expense made her feel very guilty towards her husband . She struggled with this dilemma until one day her younger brother suddenly asked to borrow a large sum of money to buy a car, which Zheng Meili refused outright this time.
Although her mother scolded her, she didn't listen this time. Finally , her younger brother suddenly came to their door and made a scene, exposing the loan issue to her husband and ultimately leading to the end of Zheng Meili's marriage .
2. Preferring sons to daughters
Wang Yan is not married yet, and her mother has explicitly stated that she cannot get married before the age of 24. Currently, Wang Yan works at a supermarket in Guangzhou, earning a little over 4,000 yuan a month, and she has to contribute at least 3,000 yuan to support her younger brother's education.
Wang Yan's mother knew very well that once her daughter got married, she would be independent and it would be more difficult to ask her for money. Sometimes Wang Yan listened to her mother, and sometimes she would resist slightly.
But most of the time, she still sent money to her mother every month. Although she knew that her mother and younger brother were like a mountain weighing on her head, she didn't know how to get rid of it.
She didn't want to be overly defiant towards her mother, but she couldn't find a way to satisfy both sides. At only 20 years old, Wang Yan was already quite mature, and she often felt overwhelmed by the pressures of life.
Perhaps things will get better once her younger brother graduates. She would sometimes try to comfort herself with this helpless thought. But the process in between felt like an eternity.
3. Greetings from my cousins
Yang Cun's company almost became a gathering place for his cousins , all because his mother often hoped to help his uncle's family without his consent. At first, Yang Cun agreed, but he soon realized that agreeing to his mother's request was a mistake.
Because his cousins were unfamiliar with the company's situation and business, and were basically just there to freeload , Yang Cun often found himself in a difficult position. He wanted to be frank with them , but he was hesitant because of his uncle and even more so because of his mother's reputation. However, if he didn't speak to them, the company's development would gradually suffer.
But in the eyes of the elders, this company belongs to their family, so they can do whatever they want with it. Yang Cun was very upset about this, but couldn't think of a good solution for the time being.
As a result, his wife started arguing with him. He had subtly mentioned the matter to his mother, but Yang Cun's mother thought that his daughter-in-law was making trouble for no reason and looked down on her uncle's family. Yang Cun was constantly mistreated and became exhausted.
If you want your children to be filial, parents should do these 3 things.
The relationship between children and parents is often simple when they are young, without any intertwined interests. However, as children grow older, conflicts and entanglements between interests and family affection often become intertwined, which can eventually have a great impact on or even harm the whole family.
Deep-seated family conflicts often stem from unequal treatment of relationships and interests between parents and children. If parents want their children to be filial, the key is to manage their respective relationships well.
Parents should not interfere with their children
Families that interfere in their children's adult lives will ultimately see their entire family dynamics affected by other factors. Especially after children reach adulthood, as independent individuals, parents should not arbitrarily interfere.
After all, the two generations have different values and attitudes towards life . Forcibly interfering in the lives of the other generation often backfires. In a good family, when it comes to matters of principle, parents and children have mutual boundaries, which is also the key to good communication between the two generations.
Parents should set a good example
Parents are children's teachers when they are young, so children learn by example. If parents don't do well when their children are young, the children will gradually see it and remember it.
Good role models will also have a positive influence on your children, so it is very important for parents to set a good example.
Developing children's sense of independence
Many families have unresolved conflicts, mainly due to unclear boundaries between generations. If children fail to develop a sense of independence, they are prone to becoming dependent or lacking initiative in adulthood.
In this way, parents' views will directly intervene in their children's lives. As a result, some unreasonable situations will arise, or situations that go against their own wishes will stubbornly persist.
Children who blindly obey their parents, even against their own principles, lack a sense of individuality. In such cases, it's crucial to gradually distance oneself from one's parents, recognizing that one is an independent individual and that clear boundaries should exist between them.
Only by gradually establishing one's own awareness and opinions can blind filial piety decrease, and family conflicts will gradually diminish.
References:
[1] Family discord: What are the benefits of severing ties with family? BBC, June 6, 2019.
[2] The relationship between parents and children. China News Network, March 12, 2010.
[3] Not only should one be filial to one's parents, but one should also be loyal to one's country. Changsha Evening News, October 27, 2020.
