"Goodbye is goodbye, the next one will be better" seems like a lighthearted and funny internet meme, but for women who have been hurt in their first marriage, they do indeed place their hopes on their second marriage, hoping to meet a better person and a more harmonious and stable relationship next time.
In reality, compared to the confusion of a first marriage, although the ending may not be pleasant, at least some experience has been gained. Under such circumstances, can a second marriage really go as planned?
Second marriages also struggle to escape these four problems
The failure of her first marriage leads her to muster the courage to start a second one. Women who remarry have a deeper understanding of marriage and hope that their second marriage can heal the wounds they suffered in their first marriage.
However, even in a second marriage, it is difficult to get rid of these four problems.
1. The complicated and unresolved relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
Three years after her divorce, Zhang Ling met her current husband. Despite his family's disapproval, their feelings for each other grew stronger, and after a year together, Zhang Ling began her second marriage.
However, her mother-in-law became an insurmountable obstacle in Zhang Ling's second marriage. Despite her husband's doting love for her, her mother-in-law's repeated discrimination and nitpicking caused her great suffering .
Zhang Ling has a carefree personality, but her mother-in-law thinks she is not reserved enough and unreliable. She always compares Zhang Ling to her former daughter-in-law , thinking that the former daughter-in-law is steady and generous, while Zhang Ling must be promiscuous to have been abandoned by her ex-husband.
The relationship between Zhang Ling and her mother-in-law became increasingly strained. Gradually, Zhang Ling felt that it was difficult for her to integrate into the new family, and her longing and yearning for a second marriage slowly disappeared.
2. Couples arguing can shatter the illusion of a second marriage.
Xiaolian thought that having both been through marriage before, they would be more tolerant and understanding of each other after getting married again. However, the repeated arguments made her disappointed with her second marriage.
Before marrying her current husband, Xiaolian and her husband had both been married once, but both were divorced for various reasons. Through their work, they gradually got to know each other, cherished each other, and chose to get married.
When they first got married, the two had a good relationship and considered each other's feelings. But after two years, they started arguing every few days, and even compared each other to their exes . As a result, the conflicts escalated, and they even brought up divorce.
3. Children become a source of conflict.
When Ms. Zhang met him, she had just ended her previous failed marriage and had a five-year-old child with her ex-husband. After the divorce, she raised her child alone, but her son was well-behaved and sensible, and she lived a carefree and independent life.
Later, Ms. Zhang gradually fell in love with him, and after a long period of consideration, the two started a new family.
Before having their child, she loved her son from her previous marriage very much, often taking him out to play and saving the best food for him. But after their child was born, his heart was focused on his own child , and when the two children argued, he would only side with his own.
The conflict stemmed from the husband taking their two children shopping. The older son wanted to buy a relatively expensive toy race car, but the younger son had his eye on a new Lego set that was also quite pricey. In the end, the husband only agreed to buy the Lego for the younger son. The older son started crying and throwing a tantrum, and the husband scolded him for being unreasonable and even hit him, which eventually escalated into a conflict between the couple.
4. Divorced women trust their own money more than promises.
Liu Li agreed to register her marriage with her current husband on the condition that he hand over his salary and not have any slush fund . Although Wang Nan verbally agreed, she actually had her own plans in mind.
After the failure of her previous marriage, Liu Li no longer believes in promises. She believes that only by having money in her own hands and holding onto her husband's money tightly can she protect her happiness .
But in reality, Wang Nan was well aware that even if he verbally agreed, he was already worldly-wise. However, in order to avoid repeating the failure of his first marriage in his second marriage, he still tried his best to satisfy Liu Li's wishes.
After experiencing failure and setbacks, it is difficult for second-marriage couples to return to their former naivety. Even if their relationship seems harmonious on the surface, second-marriage couples are prone to problems of not being able to fully trust each other.
Having experienced failure, women in second marriages often find it difficult to fully heal from the wounds of past relationships. This can easily lead to anxiety in their second marriage , potentially impacting their new marital life. So, how should second-marriage couples interact to make their second marriage better?
How should second-marriage couples get along?
For couples in second marriages, the following two points should be observed when getting along:
First, mutual understanding and tolerance are essential , especially when conflicts arise. We should try to see things from the other person's perspective. This not only helps to resolve the problem better but also lets the other person know that you care about them.
Secondly, it's essential to provide each other with a sense of security . Whether male or female, those who have experienced a failed marriage inevitably lack a sense of security in future relationships. Therefore, in a second marriage, it's crucial to provide each other with ample security. This can be achieved by occasionally sharing photos together or giving each other small surprises from time to time. These actions will make each other feel at ease and maintain anticipation for the marriage.
Third, in a second marriage, there are a few things to pay special attention to : First, avoid mentioning your ex, especially during arguments. Never compare your ex with your current partner , otherwise it will hurt them.
Secondly, avoid making the same mistakes your partner made with their ex , as this could also lead to the failure of your second marriage. If your partner has children with their ex, treat those children well and try not to favor any of the children you share with them ; this is also an issue to be mindful of in a second marriage.
In short, choosing to remarry requires a lot of courage, and starting a new marriage also shows that one still has expectations for love. Only by managing the new marriage well can one protect one's inner longing for love.
References:
[1] “A man who has been remarried for eight years tells you: There is only one kind of divorced woman who is truly worth marrying.” Wang Yang. 2020-03-06
