Interview with expert: Zhang Zhichao, Chief Physician of the Department of Andrology, Peking University First Hospital
Song Chongsheng, Deputy Chief Physician of the Department of Psychiatry, Beijing Huilongguan Hospital
Traditionally, "brother-sister" marriages, where the man is older than the woman, are the most common. However, in the past decade, "sister-brother" marriages, where the woman is older than the man, have increased significantly, now accounting for 40% of all marriages.
The number of marriages where the man is younger than the woman has surged.
Li Chunling, a researcher at the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, has been dedicated to research on youth and social stratification, including studies on the marriage and love patterns of modern youth. Her survey data, published in the *Chinese Social Sciences Daily*, shows that in 1990, marriages where the man was older than the woman accounted for 70%, while those where the man was younger accounted for 13.32%. In 2000, the situation remained relatively stable, with marriages where the man was older than the woman reaching 68.09%, and those where the man was younger accounting for 14.37%. However, in 2010, the survey data showed a dramatic change. Marriages where the man was older than the woman decreased from 68.09% to 43.13%, while those where the man was younger rose to 40.13%. In other words, the two marriage patterns were roughly evenly matched.
Not only in China, but also in other countries, the acceptance of marriages where the woman is older than the man is increasing. Surveys show that in the UK, the number of marriages where the woman is older has doubled in the past decade. In Japan, relationships where the woman is older have also become quite popular in recent years, with a surge in popularity in major cities like Tokyo, influenced by celebrity couples in movies and TV dramas.
Three reasons for the increase in relationships between older women and younger men
Experts believe that the surge in relationships between older women and younger men has deep-seated physiological, psychological, and social factors.
Firstly, from a physiological and sexological perspective, relationships where the woman is older may lead to more harmonious sexual relations. Professor Zhang Zhichao, chief physician of the Andrology Center at Peking University First Hospital, stated that there is an age gap in sexual ability between men and women. Men's peak libido is between 20 and 30 years old, at which time they have a higher demand for frequency of sex and are more focused on physiological satisfaction. Women, on the other hand, often have the strongest libido between 30 and 40 years old, are more sexually proactive, and know how to enjoy sexual pleasure. Therefore, a woman being 3 to 10 years older than a man can lead to more harmonious sexual cooperation. Furthermore, modern young people have more open attitudes towards sex, making it easier for both partners to achieve physiological satisfaction in relationships where the woman is older.
Secondly, from a psychological and emotional perspective, when women are a few years older than men, the relationship tends to be smoother. Song Chongsheng, deputy chief physician of the Department of Psychiatry at Beijing Huilongguan Hospital, stated that relationships between older women and younger men cannot be simply attributed to a mother complex. Older women are psychologically more mature and can understand and tolerate men during the relationship. In modern society, middle-aged and young men face significant pressure. Compared to younger women who lack social experience and require male care, gentle, considerate, and understanding older women are better able to help men alleviate stress and allow them to experience feminine charm.
Finally, from the perspective of social development, factors such as the internet and urbanization have had an impact. Li Chunling believes that the rise of the internet has had a profound impact on the lives, attitudes, and behaviors of young people. Contemporary youth have shifted their views on marriage and relationships, showing greater acceptance of relationships where the woman is older, trial marriages, and whirlwind marriages. Furthermore, parental pressure to marry and the phenomenon of "leftover women" have led to "marriage and relationship anxiety" among young people, making age a less significant factor; as long as there is mutual affection, age difference is not a problem. In addition, older women in cities are more economically independent and more autonomous in choosing a partner, and are more willing to accept men younger than themselves. Li Chunling believes that "this reflects the improvement of the social status of Chinese women."
Good coordination and communication are very important
Although relationships between older women and younger men are becoming increasingly common, some netizens still believe that this type of pairing is prone to problems. Experts say that for any relationship to last, many factors work together, and age is not the key factor.
For a relationship between an older woman and a younger man to last, it must be built on a foundation of affection, requiring mutual attraction and a long-term plan. The woman shouldn't be overly dominant, and the man shouldn't be subservient to avoid role reversal. The final decision to marry should also consider the acceptance of both families and friends, and securing support from both sets of parents during the courtship process will increase the likelihood of a sustainable marriage. Living in a big city can be economically stressful, so it's crucial to communicate beforehand, understand each other's spending habits, coordinate finances, and have a relatively consistent spending philosophy. Finally, experts advise that couples where the woman is older should discuss their views on childbearing beforehand. Because of the woman's age, the chances of conceiving are inevitably lower, and both partners should plan ahead and communicate about this to avoid the age gap affecting fertility.
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