According to the "2013 Statistical Bulletin on Social Service Development" issued by the Ministry of Civil Affairs, 3.5 million couples in my country went through divorce proceedings in 2013, with a crude divorce rate of 2.6%. In 2003, only 1.331 million couples divorced, with a divorce rate of 2.1%. Our country, once hailed as having "the most stable marriages in the world," is now experiencing a strong impact from "Chinese-style divorce."
Studies have found that a happy marriage can contribute to good health, while an unhappy marriage can cause irreparable damage to both partners and the family. Researchers at Rice University and the University of Pennsylvania found that divorced individuals are more likely to die from accidents compared to their married peers. Researchers at NYU Langone Medical Center found that divorced individuals have a 5% increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
Therefore, marriage needs nurturing; flowers and diamonds cannot act as preservatives or lubricants. A happy marriage has its own set of rules. Recently, Reader's Digest published an article summarizing 12 tips for keeping a marriage fresh. If both partners are willing to follow these tips, they can reduce a lot of friction and prolong the marriage's optimal state.
Say "thank you" once a day.
A harmonious marriage relies on daily smoothing. Don't overlook seemingly small things, and don't take your partner's efforts for granted. Try to express your gratitude at least once a day, even if it's just washing the dishes or cleaning. Say "thank you" or "you've worked hard." This kind of thanks may seem formal or distant, but it's an important way to express support and affirmation, and it allows both you and your partner to feel loved.
Recreate the romance of your honeymoon.
Making him desserts by hand; giving him a bouquet of roses; slipping a love note into his briefcase; writing him a sweet love letter… these things often done during courtship become especially precious in marriage. Not only do they evoke memories of past warmth and sweetness, stirring up pleasant emotions, this unexpected surprise can also allow the other person to experience new feelings, further deepening the bond.
Be the other person's "chat companion".
"When we were dating, we always had so much to talk about, so why is there only silence now?" Many couples feel this way. After being together for a long time, they think they know each other well and gradually neglect communication, and happiness disappears with this silence. The two of them need to find opportunities to talk every day, setting aside time for family, discussing work, household chores, anything. Men focus on achievements and dignity, while women focus on emotions and relationships. Couples should try to see things from each other's perspective and use the most suitable communication methods. Less complaining and worry, more encouragement and jokes—a positive attitude will better relieve each other's stress. Moreover, verbal communication can create psychological satisfaction, especially beneficial for wives who crave to confide in others.
Creating opportunities for both sides to coexist
Many married people complain, "Marriage means losing freedom." It's said that distance makes the heart grow fonder, and "being alone" can indeed satisfy the need for freedom to some extent. But let's not forget the importance of being together; the two should be balanced. Couples can intentionally create shared activities, such as asking each other to help with housework or buying tickets to see a movie together. This not only fosters intimacy and strengthens the marital relationship but also creates more beautiful memories.
Make the other person feel cared for
Before leaving home each morning, ask your partner about their plans for the day. They might be preparing to meet an important client or have a stressful job interview. A simple greeting can make them feel your thoughtfulness and care. Besides verbal comfort, sharing the responsibilities of daily life, including housework, finances, and childcare, will also make them feel your love and support, amplifying their sense of value in the marriage.
Respect the other party in front of outsiders
Whether attending a social gathering or going shopping for groceries, never give your partner a cold shoulder, and certainly don't embarrass them in public. For reserved Chinese people, face is extremely important, especially in public. Instead, you should give your partner subtle signals of love. For example, holding their hand while walking or putting your arm around their shoulder—these small gestures can convey affection and intimacy between spouses. In this respect, Chinese couples who are shy about expressing their feelings should learn more from Westerners.
Don't rush to judge the other party.
Phrases like "You're just a hands-off manager, you don't care about anything," or "You can't even mop the floor properly, what else can you do?" can make you believe the other person is indeed problematic if said too often. Furthermore, the person being criticized feels frustrated and gradually accepts this label, leading to a tense family atmosphere.
Love me, love my dog
Chinese marriage is less about the union of two individuals and more about the union of two families. Accepting and respecting one's partner's family and friends is a principle of a happy marriage. Inviting your partner's relatives and friends to important occasions and offering help when needed are sincere expressions of love and care, which will undoubtedly make your partner love you more. When problems arise in the marriage, you can also seek help from these relatives and friends, who may be able to help untangle the knot.
Handle disagreements calmly
When couples disagree and clash, they shouldn't be unforgiving and argue until they're red in the face. They should also avoid immediately saying, "I need to talk to you," as this kind of communication is ineffective due to anger. The best approach is to calm down. Invite your partner for a walk; this removes the area from the argument and allows emotions to subside, making it easier to express your true thoughts and encouraging your partner to speak honestly, which helps resolve misunderstandings.
Appreciate your lover
When you're dating, you might think your partner is the best person in the world, and this appreciation forms the foundation for your love and marriage. However, in the daily grind, those very things you once admired can become the trigger for conflict. Don't just see the thorns on the rose; see the rose within them. Try adopting a positive attitude and focusing on your partner's strengths. Keeping a gratitude journal, noting what your partner does for you each day, can help strengthen your relationship.
Do not restrain or control the other party
"Who's in charge in this family?" The struggle for "leadership" has become a trigger for conflict in many marriages. A competitive and unwilling-to-compromise attitude is indeed a serious problem among only children. When two people form a family, they should respect each other and reduce each other's feelings of resentment and oppression. They should understand that their partner is an independent and free person, and avoid excessive constraints or forcing them to change according to their own preferences.
Regularly summarize your feelings about marriage
In the workplace, we often write an end-of-year summary to review the year's gains and losses and strive for improvement. The same applies to marriage. Every few months, couples can each write a summary of their family life. They can discuss existing problems in the marriage together and actively seek solutions. This is also an opportunity for heart-to-heart talks. Comparing summaries from previous years can also help both partners recognize each other's efforts for the family.
